iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Yes, lads! Heck, yes. You're so gosh darn diggity superb at this. Another wham-bam-f***-you-ma'am of a vote-winner. Punch those artists! Smash those actors! Stomp those musicians! Thump those swimmers! Slice those poets! Dismember those dancers! Chop those curators! Pound them all into oblivion.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

It's been a nasty old pleasure to sneak back into #TheSkewer like it's 2020 all over again. Turns out the password was still CovidLolz69. Ongoing congrats to @jonholmes.bsky.social and @tonychurnside.bsky.social, who are yet to answer for their crimes. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand...

bbc.co.uk

BBC Sounds - The Skewer - Available Episodes

Listen to the latest episodes of The Skewer on BBC Sounds.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Trust me, lads. You can recreate the experience of performing with Andrea Bocelli without it costing a single penny: 1) Wear a dinner jacket. 2) Watch a multi-vehicle motorway pile-up from the nearest overhead gantry. 3) Listen to the ambulance siren and imagine it drenched in artificial reverb.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

It's every bit as interesting as this page of music would suggest.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Phenomenal (and quite frightening) knowledge.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

SOVIET PUBLISHER This new piece of yours... it's all in five-bar phrases, right? SOVIET COMPOSER No. Why would it be? Why do you always ask that? SOVIET PUBLISHER Sick. So rehearsal marks every five bars? SOVIET COMPOSER No, I said it *isn't* in-- SOVIET PUBLISHER Hey, that's great.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

People who touch hearts: 1) Dr Gunther von Hagens 2) Ed Gein 3)

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Joining us now is Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy...

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

conductors advertising adhesives (🧵)

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Of all the things that are not culture, this is quite possibly the not-culturiest.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Scheherazade Scheherazade 2: Scheherazader Scheherazade with a Vengeance

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

Well, there it is. After 350+ years of concerts and tens of billions of possibilities, we finally have an official, undisputed, scientifically proven Worst Programme®. Congratulations to all those responsible; Centre Court at The Hague is booked for Thursday (roof open TBC).

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

At last! A reason to film a podcast.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

The past is a foreign etc. And it's simply inconceivable that "character A steals character B's cowboy hat" isn't a major plot point in one of his later, stupider operas.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

We'll have to wait for Max Richter's re-imagining.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

BRITISH ORCHESTRAL MUSICIANS: We're so glad to see the back of that conductor. What a terrible five-year tenure that was. RUSSIAN ORCHESTRAL MUSICIANS:

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

Simon, come here... A bit closer... No, closer. Come right up close. That's it. Nice and close... See, the thing is, Simon...... IT'S NOT A CHORD AT THE END. IT'S ONE NOTE. It's a unison F. F for "How the F*** can you get that wrong, you reprehensible tub?"

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

Christ on a crumpet, Heff, it's already *been* fast, and "becoming dynamic" in this case doesn't actually mean anything at all, either in terms of... errr... dynamics (it was bloody loud before; it's bloody loud again) or movement (see "fast").

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

🎵 And each in your season returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns and returns [BANGS FIST ON CD PLAYER] and is always the saaaame... 🎵

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

It's my therapy, and I'll cry if I want to.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

"in the symphony" - Thank you for this reminder, Simon. It was much needed, given that you structured this article like a toddler structuring its num-nums. Also such... what? Fish? Lawn mowers? World Series winners? Proofreaders? And congrats on listing *all* the members of the Five. How necessary.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

This is literally just the symphony's Wikipedia article. Superb work from the Lord Blackwater, eminent scholar and historian, fierce critic of lazy, work-shy scroungers, and man who puts the "hippo" in "hypocrite". [Ed. This doesn't work in print.] [GC. Neither does Simon Heffer. Go away.]

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

I'm sorry (I'm obviously not), but if the Telegraph is paying actual human money for this turgid, inept rubbish, I hope everyone who has ever written a single sodding semi-colon for that rag gets hit by a milk float.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

A hush descends like a fart-filled zeppelin as the author flexes his musicological chops. Behold! An utterly irrelevant detail that wipes out another 4% of the word count, evoking a period that is simultaneously for the time, at the time, in the time, on the time and of the time.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

[runs finger over article and tastes] Mmmm, yes. There it is. Simon Heffer, man of words, returning and returning and returning and, indeed, returning, like sick to a pavement. A less "more uncomplicated" mind might have tried to zhuzh this up a bit, but not Simon. Not Thesaurus Rex himself.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

A classic Hefferian opening: clunky, pompous and pointless. Thank you, Simon, for clarifying that the era of Tchaikovsky did not overlap with the era of the roller-coaster. Where would Britain be without you? (apart from "brighter" and "lighter")

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

You f***ing book it, then. What's the problem? I know your WiFi is working, Simon, because this latest missive of yours is 40% Wikipedia and 60% ChatGPT.

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Reposted by Gareth Ceredig

Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 16/12/2024

Simon Heffer has written his classical music article again.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

Complaints and death threats to the usual Feedback address, please.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

Tomorrow at 15.45, then forever after* on BBC Sounds. Decipher the secret hidden message to win BIG CASH PRIZES 💲💲💲, a guided tour of Broadcasting House, and your own 10-part podcast series with a convicted felon. *for one year

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

A new thing on R4 next Friday. It's a devastating exploration of grief and childhood traumahahahahaaa no, not really. It's about a bunch of idiots and a bridge. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

bbc.co.uk

BBC Radio 4 - Short Works, Take It to the Bridge

A brand-new satirical comedy by Gareth Ceredig. Read by Rebecca Front.

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

TELEGRAPH EXCLUSIVE: "Vile and depraved" travel correspondent fails to condemn pun in cancer headline

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

Have all the train drivers been raptured?

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Gareth Ceredig @garethceredig.bsky.social · 03/07/2026

Good grief, but when Tom Wolfe was good he was ludicrously, luridly good. This line alone deserves its own UFC fight, but really the entire collection is brilliant; a cavalcade of queasy counter- (and counter-counter-) culture Americana. Vegas and demolition derbies and Phil Spector, oh my!

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