iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 9h

Cloudy dads on cloudy days. For a special boy, he knows who he is 😏🥰

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 29/09/2026

Cloudy day outside, might as well match it inside 😈

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 29/09/2026

At least the council workers TOLD us this time that they're going to be coming to fit the new door. Luckily for us, it's on the 1st working day of the month which is our admin day and we block it off from meetings. I'm gonna need to buy new privacy film for it 😮‍💨

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 28/09/2026

Something I think people may not realize about having DID. It can literally, physically hurt, especially as headaches which I have now from a rough switch with C about an hour ago.

youtu.be

Five reasons why pain when switching may occur in Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

YouTube video by The CTAD Clinic

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 28/09/2026

*Sigh* Hard day today with C coming close to the front and bringing his emotions toward the surface. He's still crushed and devastated, but I'm doing my best to build a new life. Maybe one he feels is worth coming back for. ❤️

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Reposted by FatBoy54

Call Of 🧈 @callofbutter.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Lazy Sunday 🐻

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Reposted by FatBoy54

Rangecub @rangecub.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Another fat fuck Friday in the books

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 25/09/2026

Just realized that in Phasmophobia, one of the tarot cards sends the ghost back to the ghost room. Basically "Bad ghost! You're grounded, go to your room!" 😂

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 25/09/2026

The Instagram algorithm seems to have figured me out...

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 23/09/2026

Amazing how quickly something serious can develop when two people prioritize safety, honesty, integrity, and getting to know who each other are before moving into the kink space... And then discovering the kink space is a very good match! ❤️

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 23/09/2026

Awake at night from stress and anxiety again. At least C is doing a little better. Though, he's been adamant about not wanting to return to hosting the system. Makes me sad because he's so brilliant and loving, but he just thinks the world is too scary and dangerous to inhabit 😞 For now...

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 22/09/2026

Fun with the new webcam... 🔥😈

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 21/09/2026

Waking from a bad dream... Again... Seems to be a fairly nightly occurrence these days "Why don't we get the grace to be human?" Ringing in our head from it

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 20/09/2026

The joys of being a DID system... I just yawned and it wasn't a big enough yawn to feel the ear drums vibrate and I just heard Simon (the one without emotions) remark, "that yawn was not satisfactory" 😂

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 20/09/2026

Ouch, Instagram... ouch I miss my goober being vibrant and full of life 💔

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 18/09/2026

Megachub vape demon... Need to get the weight back that we lost from all the stress this year. Once things are properly settled and calm again, probably use the appetite stimulants again.

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 18/09/2026

Bored as fuck Anyone out there wanna play some Phasmophobia with me?

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 18/09/2026

I do wonder how much longer this anxiety will last. Not enjoying it and the meds only treat the physical symptoms. Anxiety sucks ass

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 18/09/2026

Nothing to do at work right now. Bored, anxious, irritated by the injustices of life... Plus my PC's KVM switch is acting up

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 17/09/2026

Nearly had a heart attack! I was putting my prescription delivery away in my meds box that lives under my desk and my fronting ring slipped off. Frantic search, panicked that I had lost the first gift I ever got from Chris. Looked EVERYWHERE. Turns out, it fell INTO the box. JFC! 😰😮‍💨

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 17/09/2026

Another night of shitty, broken sleep. Leo's breakfast solution...

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 16/09/2026

Musical thoughts leaking in from C today... 🎶My mind’s fantastic lie I lived inside it, falsified And swore that everything was fine. A brilliant scene of sweet serenity, My mind’s fantastic lie…🎶

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 16/09/2026

Was gonna save this for Chris to make when he's better, but it's a super easy edit and I can do it myself... (Sound on) This is the sort of thing that goes through my (Leo's) mind when we end up giggly-stoned... 😂😂😂

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 15/09/2026

*Imagining a future where C returns to hosting* "Why is my autocorrect full of swear words and American spellings??" Leo: 😇

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 15/09/2026

Someone said I seem to be tempted by the darker side of things... Um, I'm literally wearing the one ring prop replica from the actual Weta Workshop 😉 This is my fronting ring. We used to wear rings to signify which alter we are before everyone knew us well enough to know the difference 😅

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 14/09/2026

Wonderful... domestic violence upstairs again.... Might be a 999 call day...

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Reposted by FatBoy54

Papaburrnuki @papaburr77.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

As I am now a post transplant patient, this means new hurdles, mostly covering for meds, appointments, and recovery time. Sadly most of this will cost money, especially that of the meds and follow up appointments. I hope to keep up the donate and share as much as possible. gofund.me/fbf331216

gofund.me

Donate to Fund Post Transplant Recovery and Medical Finance, organized by Willie Jarrett

Since late 2024, I have been on a health journey after being diagnos… Willie Jarrett needs your support for Fund Post Transplant Recovery and Medical Finance

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 13/09/2026

What does a vape demon do when he's exhausted and only had 4 hours of sleep? Obviously, he takes out his SX mini G Class V2 and hauls on it for dear life! #vapebear #cloudcheck #beardedvaper #vapedemon #gayvapers #vapelife

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 12/09/2026

I remember when a good night's sleep was easy. I remember when there was more than one dream to be had. I remember what it felt like to belong. I remember what safety felt like. I remember feeling whole. I remember being proud. I miss it.

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 11/09/2026

Weird DID thing... Was super stoned and blended with C, and everything felt off. I'm lying there on the sofa thinking "what am I supposed to do with my eyebrows?" 😂😂😂 (We have different resting facial tension)

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 11/09/2026

How does your favourite vape demon dry from a shower? 2 big fans and some big clouds 😏😈

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 11/09/2026

This musical has a lot of meaning for this system. I'm not sure which of us it helped more in 2011. But right now, life feels like just this. Mechanically performing a life that lost all meaning and direction. We're surviving, but we're not living... Not yet

youtu.be

Buffy - Once More, with Feeling - Overture/Going Through the Motions

YouTube video by Samantha Graff

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 10/09/2026

🎶They smile, they shift, they turn, they leave and only fools would still believe! You dream of love that still persists But I know no such thing exists! 🎶 So hard to not fall back into the old ways of thinking lately.

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 09/09/2026

Really, scammer? Really? STONER Martinez? Do you want to include a photo of you holding a hand-written sign saying "definitely not a scam" while you're at it? 🙄🙄🙄

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 09/09/2026

Kinky inky vaper dad lookin for a new chubby vape boy to love and protect and corrupt with hedonistic pleasures 😈

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 09/09/2026

We spent most of our life assuming we were singular with no other framework. It made our shifts in identity, agency and decisions feel chaotic and insane. Understanding our DID didn’t make us feel more fragmented, it finally made our life make sense. We're not broken just because we're in pieces 🧩

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 09/09/2026

Chris is doing better in recent days. Learning to trust his mind again. Learning that he's not responsible for other people's trauma-lensed reactions and interpretations. He's still terrified and broken, but he'll pull through with help. Thank you to those who have supported us 🙏 1/2

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 08/09/2026

I think these photos from 2011 are actually me instead of Chris. Was the period after our last breakup where we suspect I was the primary identity state. Also, when we started wearing black hats all the time. I think you can see it in our lower eyelids that they're carrying the "Leo tension" 🤔

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 08/09/2026

That's a bit on the nose for us...

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 08/09/2026

I may be exhausted beyond belief... I may be a mental mess... C may still be a long way off of hosting this system again... I may be nauseated from anxiety meds... I may be struggling to figure out where I even fit in this world anymore... But, I'm still hella pretty 😏

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 07/09/2026

Update: Spoke to the GP. They're prescribing a beta blocker that can inhibit the effects of adrenaline and keep the anxiety attacks under control. Won't help with racing thoughts, but they shouldn't translate into "my chest feels tight and my arms are going numb again" Progress for me I guess 🤷‍♂️

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 07/09/2026

Fuck fuck fuck it all! Not only dealing with an anxiety attack and work and shit, but the council just showed up to do major works on the flat. I don't have the keys to the back door or gate, I don't have clothes to hand to throw on to be presentable... Thanks coucil for making this way worse! 🤬🤬🤬

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 07/09/2026

4am anxiety attacks aren't fun. Now it's nearly 7am and I'm fucked for sleep. Might need to stay off work for the full length of my fit note from the GP and ask about anxiety treatments 🫤

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 06/09/2026

Vape demon is cloudy and on the hunt for a new chubby vape boy to corrupt with hedonism and protect and love. Where the good boys at today?

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 06/09/2026

Was nice getting to spend some time with someone today. Felt very safe. 😊

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FatBoy54 @fatboy54.hogstead.uk · 05/09/2026

This edible can't kick in soon enough. Fucking anxiety all day so far. Breathe, Leo, breathe...

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