iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 10m

Me when I'm doing the Louis CK routine, wokely

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Reposted by Ali, Fang of the Sun

RYOO @ryoo0526.bsky.social · 23m

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 12m

And ain't that something! A guy who did rape goes "well it'd suck if this came back to bite me but rapists get off easy if you do the performative apology and then go quiet for an extended run" Yes, very progressive of you mister geller, you're weaponizing rape culture to get away from consequences

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 13m

See that's the thing, the way he talks about it he absolutely knew this would be outed, and when those documents with his name on it were released he must have known it would be a problem for him He just thinks he can weasel out of it

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 16m

Like even if he wanted to hide it, it was hus decision to accept working with Nebula and their other creators - by associating himself with them without disclosure he hurt them too! That's the behaviour of someone who just has to believe this won't hurt his career in any way

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18m

People who were crowing about "rehabilitation" really did not want to face that he was desperate to avoid all consequences for this Like I'm sorry, doing something like that and getting away with it for 10 years before facing actual scrutiny is not rehabilitation

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 22m

Birthday boy requires validation from an audience! This is what I mean by the way when I say a lot of video essayists just wanna have the aesthetic of being a wiseman, a guy who says things and a bunch of people go "hm yes, quite" and stroke their chins That validation is a bad incentive!

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 26m

During the title ix business he BEGGED to keep his college radio job because it was "his community" and now he's doing everything he can to prevent the whole "raping my at-the-time-girlfriend" thing from hurting his platform, that's a pretty obvious sense of entitlement right there

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 31m

The fact he's apparently hiding comments on his videos that mention him doing said assault, the fact he didn't post his admission on Twitter or patreon and kept his patreon up is proof that he just wanted to get away with it He thought he could just walk away from all of this. AGAIN.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

[Starts feeling like shit cos no sex for 2 days] Hmm i wonder

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

The Ali "whore to worthless" Geiger counter has only 2 outputs

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

(I won't lmao, but it was worth considering)

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

Still feel really weird and I'm getting twinges of intense emotions but the fact I'm able to think about the idea of posting hog without wanting to brain myself is proof I'm most of the way to feeling normal

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

This also probably means my emotions will be stable for a while YIPPEE

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

Privacy and not being constantly annoyed and nagged and sniped at for a whole week?? Christmas has come early

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 3h

The look of horror that could only come from a twink discovering the man who has been whipping him has been straight all along

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 4h

Well at least I'm feeling better right before I get a week of just me and the bf at home 🎉🎉

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 4h

FUCK yeah that's real, oh my god

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 4h

The gun episode of TADC hit hard for me and I mostly thought it's cos I just liked the writing but the more I think about it I'm like oh... oh no... that's me...

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 4h

I relate to that, yeah. Sometimes I just kinda drift away from people, but that's over a longer period of time usually. When I'm really freaking out I think "well people are gonna abandon me anyways, might as well speed it up"

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 4h

It's fucked up, I look at my issues and I'm like UGGGGHHHHH PLEASE

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

[My mood is low and I have an upsetting thought] OKAY WHO WANTS TO HATE ME RN

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

It's so funny being the kind of person that lashes out and pushes people away when I'm spiraling Literally choosing to be annoying cos I'm scared 💀

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

Bruise that twink until he can't stand

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

No wonder Kenneth keeps the riding crop on hand

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

Having a shower after 4 days of wearing the same clothes hits different

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

They call it a mental illness because when you're affected by it you do truly feel sick in a physical sense Not nausea necessarily but physically worn down

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 5h

Slowly feeling better Fuck personality disorders and fuck abusive parents

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

Nope. Don't like that one bit, actually.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

And I was acting out in the Jax style... Which I refuse to call Jaxxing Off, no matter how much my mind is repeating that phrase

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

If I didn't compare myself to Jax so often this would be a hate crime!

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

NOOOOO LMAO not the Jaxposting 😭

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

Thanks man, love you too. I promise to try my best 💜

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

Man are you TRYING to make me cry?? Fucked up! Seriously though, thanks. I'm messy as hell but you can always cut through it. Makes the avoidance feel extra stupid. I need to just accept that you know me well enough to help.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 17h

It's like, I can be as standoffish and mean as I want but once someone goes to hug me that all falls apart.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

Well, I'm not feeling deranged anymore. This kind of thing really does disarm me. A lot of the time kindness can just bounce right off me but when you make it real, idk. Harder for my brain to argue with.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

(Sorry if I've taken any of this too far, I'm not thinking properly right now)

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

I slowed the bleeding over most of this year thanks to you and sure, it REALLY sucks right now but hey, could be dead in a gutter if I hadn't done the work so, guess that's something

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

You do a lot for me, man. More than I'd even accept from most people. That's good enough for me. My relationship would have been over and I'd be gone if it weren't for your support and I mean that seriously (not to put pressure on, lol) I have to be the one to fight it but I'm not totally on my own

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

It's been bad a lot lately. It's beaten down my morale looking at the notes I take and seeing that the frequency of these episodes is back to before I started therapy. And of course feeling like this for days at a time just fucking sucks

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

I get what you're saying but for me it's kind of black and white. My problem is that I want people to see and recognize my pain and to get the tasty notification number to go up, it's stupid as fuck and I'm not gonna break out of this unless I go completely cold on it by switching to pen and paper

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

A lot of today I was fighting back the self hatred and sticking to believing the objective facts. But when these episodes go on and on, and I struggle to sleep I lose that fight.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

I an doing this in degrees. I need to get better at it, I need to get a private diary and I need to deactivate my bluesky when I feel like this. This is all true.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

I'll send you my ID when I'm feeling better! 🙏 Get some rest if you need it! I should try to sleep again soon as well! 💤

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

Absolutely 🙂‍↕️ It's terrible that anyone suffers bad treatment. But when we're adults, especially when we have children, it's our responsibility to nuture and protect them! 💜 We all have things that have hurt us, but continuing the cycle is a choice.

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Ali, Fang of the Sun @fangofthesun.bsky.social · 18h

All I'm saying is that when I feel this bad usually I sleep and wake up feeling around the same, I could be wrong this time, I'm just casting bets here

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