The move was a sign of desperation, political experts said.

Trump claimed that he had been “treated very unfairly” by being passed over for the award despite having ended “between forty and fifty wars.”

She said that only by becoming an on-air personality at Fox News could she acquire the “warrior ethos” necessary to lead the world’s largest military.

Yet another setback for the embattled lawmaker.

New depths.

A wild attempt at a “gotcha” moment resulted in the ass/hole-in-ground mix-up.

“I wish Don Jr. the best in his new marriage,” the oligarch said. “But if it turns out like his first one, his divorce is on me.”

“Two and nine have treated me very unfairly," he said.

It was the Trump administration’s latest stumble in its effort to find proof of widespread noncitizen voting, despite decades of evidence that it is extremely rare.

“It is our duty as trustees of the Adolf Hitler Estate to ensure that the Fuhrer’s intellectual property rights are vigorously protected.”

A new feature from The Borowitz Report

“Henceforth, the former Mr. Kennedy will be known as Robert Fitzgerald Trump,” the judge ruled.

"You're safe," Trump told Fox's top executive.

“These people are sick and evil!" Trump said in a post on Truth Social.

In a leaked phone call with Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Trump said that the 7-2 decision meant “I just need to find three votes.”

"Isn’t artificial intelligence better than none at all?”

McConnell was applauded by other members of the Republican Party's brain-dead caucus

“And to be clear, we’re talking American dollars, not Canadian.”

Thousands are desperate to sound Canadian while abroad.

The post featured a clearly legible image of the nuclear codes adorned with heart and smiley-face emojis.

“The woke mob has distorted the true meaning of Labor Day,” Vance said.

The vice president also downgraded World War 1 to "a tussle, at best."

The confused man has mistaken the names of major bodies of water and a prominent performing arts center in his city of residence.

YouTube video by Ren

Witnesses in the US Capitol reportedly saw the Louisiana lawmaker on his knees in the House cloakroom, beseeching the Almighty to “put me out of my misery.”

"As God is my witness, if you elect me for a full term in the US Senate, I will google Iran," she said.

The unfortunate incident was an experiment gone horribly awry, sources said.

The note referred to a “Vietnam War-era issue involving bone spurs.”

“Are we going to give every blithering moron a position of power just because of who they’re related to?” he asked.

“I see the word ‘contraception’ and that’s a quick ‘no’ for me,” he said. “Don’t know what that means. Won’t look it up.”

“Looking worried is a full-time job, and an amateur like Troy Jackson simply isn’t up to it," she alleged.

"Somehow, some way, there’s a total numbskull making me say the things I say," he alleged.

“We don’t agree on much, but we see eye-to-eye on one thing,” the two groups said.