Sign in

Elliott Downing

@elliottdowning.bsky.social
945 followers 758 following 344 posts

Author of books seldom read, screenplays never filmed, software rarely used, and bleets like sweet, sweet honey. If you were following @elliott_downing over on TwitterX, you've found me (or failed to avoid me, as the case may be).

PostsRepliesMedia
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
It's also provided me with some *fantastic* content about awkwardly trying to rinse your butthole in the shower, but I'm going to hang on to that stuff for a while so I don't oversaturate the market for excellence.
110
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
ME: I want to start posting more. Have ideas, write things down. [14 hours later] The bubbles in your pee are like the clouds of Toilet Bowl Land. I hope the people who live down there enjoy looking up at them and imagining which animals they're shaped like
140
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I for one cannot accept this gift until I understand more about its capital gains implications
000
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Try committing imaginary vandalism against my reflecting pool NOW, bitches
140
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Well, if you'd just used the phrase "triumphal arch and sniper's nest" in the first place, I can't see how *anyone* would have objected. www.npr.org/2026/09/20/n...
npr.org
Trump says his D.C. arch will serve as 'military complex' with snipers and drones
President Trump has claimed that military operations are needed at his proposed triumphal arch in Washington D.C., in order to protect national security. A federal court is weighing the arch's legalit...
141
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
If you don't know, I am certainly not going to sully such enviable innocence by telling you. Don't google it. 😜
110
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
The Relentless Grinding Mediocrity Imperative of Late-Stage Capitalism and Grogu
185
Reposted by Elliott Downing
The Mold Prince @orchidcamp.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
but that's neither here nor there... matter fact, where the hell am i
071
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
But is there any information on what the two flavors taste like? For example, are there different substances mixed into the spicy curry ramen vs. the spicy miso ramen that are somehow connected to this alleged "flavor" difference? Seems to me all we have here so far are words
020
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
You can tell the hundred-year-multiple anniversaries are the important ones because they get the cool, expressive names. "Bicentennial." "Tricentennial." You can work with those. The 50-year markers in between? C'mon. That's like when it's 4:30. No need to get excited just yet.
160
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Cynical thought I wrote down many years ago: A good way to become rich is to invent the machine or software that will put you and *everyone else who does the same job as you* out of business, then make sure you get paid every time anyone uses it. Looking at you, AI developers…
071
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Kash Patel Defends Snorkeling Excursion in 9/11 Memorial's Reflecting Pool as "Somber" and "Super Refreshing"
180
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
In fairness, he'd already had to pay a bundle to fumigate Mars that time, and he was belatedly realizing this whole hobby was turning out to be a giant money pit.
030
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
[3.5 billion years ago] EXTERMINATOR GOD HIRED TO INSPECT EARTH: Those things are really dug in. I saw multiple large colonies. If you don't get this under control soon, you're gonna have a real problem down there. GOD (checking bank balance): But that would cost HOW much, again?
151
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
If y'all really *must* shake up the Ivy League curriculum, maybe mandate a first-year course called "Why No One Outside This Room Except Your First Job Interviewer Will Ever Give a Fuck Where You Went to College."
040
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
"People! We must demand greater ideological compatibility from our natural betters who will give us orders in the future, amirite? Now pardon me while I enjoy this delicious 'beer' beverage. Mmmm."
130
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
The invariable poker tell of fake populists is assuming everyone else cares as passionately as they do about policies and curriculum at Harvard.
130
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Can't decide whether it's more worrisome if he thinks we're all dumb enough to believe this bullshit, or if he actually *is* dumb enough to believe this bullshit.
150
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
This motherfucker would deny the Supreme Court justices were mammals with a straight face if he thought it would somehow make the institution look better. No no, we may often *appear* to be living organisms with hair and nipples, but it's actually a totally different thing, bro!
240
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Great news, everyone! apnews.com/article/supr...
apnews.com
Chief Justice John Roberts says Supreme Court is not political
Chief Justice John Roberts says Supreme Court justices are not “political actors.” He says justices are making decisions based on the law, not their personal policy preferences.
140
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
Shame, because this would have been the perfect place to ask what the fuck this company has been doing for the past 25 years. techcrunch.com/2026/05/02/f...
techcrunch.com
Farewell, Jeeves: Ask.com shuts down | TechCrunch
Owner IAC says it's discontinuing its search business.
180
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
Trump Announces U.S. Will Blockade Own Blockade of Iranian Blockade Before Iran Even Has a Chance to Blockade It "If they try to blockade this one, there probably won't be enough room," the president explained. "Blockade-ception!"
081
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
My profound apologies for somehow missing "Madur-DOH!" and "More like Kha-BOOM-enei, amirite guys?" I will try to be better about this in the future bsky.app/profile/elli...
030
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Can't believe that coveted J.D. Vance stamp of approval didn't put him over the top
280
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
More like Viktor Or-GONE, send tweet
2101
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
No, I have *not* heard of Barbra Streisand, and any suggestion that I have is clearly also a baseless rumor.
060
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Hello, I have convened this White House news conference to deny the despicable rumors you probably first learned of during this White House news conference. Please don't Google them now. Thank you. www.wlwt.com/article/mela...
wlwt.com
Melania Trump denies ties to Epstein, knowledge of his crimes in White House announcement
First lady Melania Trump delivered a statement at White House denying ties to Jeffrey Epstein and knowledge of his crimes, and she called for a congressional hearing for survivors.
180
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
Regime watchers are monitoring closely to determine whether we're up to photo #2 or photo #3 now.
030
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
First day of transition week: Hey, I have a new friend who loves doing the same things I do! Last day of transition week: I'm going away, but don't worry, my old friend is staying! First day of next week: Old Friend is here. Old Friend has always been here. You know what to do!
130
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
History students in a certain narrow age band will note that this is exactly how Nickelodeon managed the handover of power from Steve to Joe on Blue's Clues. www.nytimes.com/2026/04/07/w...
nytimes.com
Kim Jong-un’s Daughter Drives a Tank, and Succession Talk Accelerates
140
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Luckily, my brain already permanently exited my body the day I learned that Iran's military had been "90% decimated," so every statement from here on is just Stupid Gravy. (If I'm doing my multiplication right, that would mean they're down by...9%?)
010
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Impending seventh batch of "decisive" coming days will be "most decisive ones yet," secretary promises www.cbsnews.com/news/pete-he...
cbsnews.com
Pete Hegseth says "upcoming days will be decisive" in war against Iran
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Dan Caine held a news conference at the Pentagon as gas prices in the U.S. continued to climb amid the ongoing war with Iran.
250
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
President Shocked to Learn Allies He Insulted and Threatened for Years Don’t Want to Join War He Started Without Consulting Them
0113
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
EVERYONE: [feeling as if a psychological burden they hadn't even realized they'd been carrying for years has finally, unaccountably been lifted] ME: Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
030
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
Fuck I really NEED that bro to stop by sometimes and put shit in perspective for me but I haven't found the quest that unlocks him yet
001
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
Ah yes, the proverbial "bones of feeling" that were described so eloquently by Sun Tzu www.politico.com/news/2026/03...
politico.com
Trump: Iran war will end when I ‘feel it in my bones’
The president insisted the economy will rebound after the war.
182
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
I mean this is why they tell you to always double-check the AI's responses
010
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
Okay it turns out the ancient power the light being was harnessing was in fact the power of kindness, and it was charging over to hand you a delicious snack it made you because it thought you looked kinda down. So now you'll feel even more down about subtracting it from existence I guess, sorryyyy😜🙃
150
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
Turn your phone flashlight on, then use your free hand to cast a giant shadow puppet the exact same size and shape as the light being onto the light being. Light shape + dark shape = zero. Light being is NULLIFIED! Duh
120
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
You will no doubt be delighted to learn that the "we" that includes Donald Trump and not you is super stoked for higher gas prices www.nbcnews.com/politics/don...
nbcnews.com
Trump touted falling gas prices but now says 'we make a lot of money' as they go up
President Donald Trump's war with Iran is causing oil prices to rise and gas prices right along with them.
1111
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
I feel like there was a time when the shareholders this society-wide stupidity pandemic is presumably intended to benefit preferred the companies they were invested in to make things that actually worked sometimes and people actually wanted to use, but maybe I dreamed that part
040
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
See also: every Windows update since Microsoft had the brilliant idea to enact this same plan, but have it rely on an unreliable product *they make and know is unreliable.* It's so weird how this hasn't ushered in a new utopia of low-cost reliability, it sounded so smart on paper
140
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Step 1: Fire half your employees because AI can do it now Step 2: Discover AI can't do it now and keeps breaking stuff those former employees kept working Step 3: Resign because your decisions have harmed the business. Just kidding! Double the workload of your remaining employees
291
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
🎵 I said I'd make a nice dessert for you and bring a side dish, too and it was all Jell-o
163
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Hello, as you can see from my model-like physique, exquisite facial structure, bow-shaped lips, and GLASSES, I am a lonely, awkward social misfit who has given up on ever finding her chance at love.
050
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
It still has that new year smell, though.
011
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
Likewise, slightly late.
111
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
Looks like colonialism's back on the menu, boys
1100
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
If you know so much about holiday gift cards, name three of their songs. Poser
000
Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
Things not to say when the job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 10 years: -Dancing on the grave of the capitalist order -Still fuckin' like a champ -Laid off from here for about eight years, statistically speaking -Answering these questions, if you ask them any slower
2140