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Elliott Downing

@elliottdowning.bsky.social
946 followers 758 following 344 posts

Author of books seldom read, screenplays never filmed, software rarely used, and bleets like sweet, sweet honey. If you were following @elliott_downing over on TwitterX, you've found me (or failed to avoid me, as the case may be).

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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
ME: I want to start posting more. Have ideas, write things down. [14 hours later] The bubbles in your pee are like the clouds of Toilet Bowl Land. I hope the people who live down there enjoy looking up at them and imagining which animals they're shaped like
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Well, if you'd just used the phrase "triumphal arch and sniper's nest" in the first place, I can't see how *anyone* would have objected. www.npr.org/2026/09/20/n...
npr.org
Trump says his D.C. arch will serve as 'military complex' with snipers and drones
President Trump has claimed that military operations are needed at his proposed triumphal arch in Washington D.C., in order to protect national security. A federal court is weighing the arch's legalit...
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
The Relentless Grinding Mediocrity Imperative of Late-Stage Capitalism and Grogu
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Reposted by Elliott Downing
The Mold Prince @orchidcamp.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
but that's neither here nor there... matter fact, where the hell am i
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
You can tell the hundred-year-multiple anniversaries are the important ones because they get the cool, expressive names. "Bicentennial." "Tricentennial." You can work with those. The 50-year markers in between? C'mon. That's like when it's 4:30. No need to get excited just yet.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Cynical thought I wrote down many years ago: A good way to become rich is to invent the machine or software that will put you and *everyone else who does the same job as you* out of business, then make sure you get paid every time anyone uses it. Looking at you, AI developers…
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Kash Patel Defends Snorkeling Excursion in 9/11 Memorial's Reflecting Pool as "Somber" and "Super Refreshing"
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
In fairness, he'd already had to pay a bundle to fumigate Mars that time, and he was belatedly realizing this whole hobby was turning out to be a giant money pit.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
[3.5 billion years ago] EXTERMINATOR GOD HIRED TO INSPECT EARTH: Those things are really dug in. I saw multiple large colonies. If you don't get this under control soon, you're gonna have a real problem down there. GOD (checking bank balance): But that would cost HOW much, again?
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
The invariable poker tell of fake populists is assuming everyone else cares as passionately as they do about policies and curriculum at Harvard.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Great news, everyone! apnews.com/article/supr...
apnews.com
Chief Justice John Roberts says Supreme Court is not political
Chief Justice John Roberts says Supreme Court justices are not “political actors.” He says justices are making decisions based on the law, not their personal policy preferences.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
Shame, because this would have been the perfect place to ask what the fuck this company has been doing for the past 25 years. techcrunch.com/2026/05/02/f...
techcrunch.com
Farewell, Jeeves: Ask.com shuts down | TechCrunch
Owner IAC says it's discontinuing its search business.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
Trump Announces U.S. Will Blockade Own Blockade of Iranian Blockade Before Iran Even Has a Chance to Blockade It "If they try to blockade this one, there probably won't be enough room," the president explained. "Blockade-ception!"
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
More like Viktor Or-GONE, send tweet
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Hello, I have convened this White House news conference to deny the despicable rumors you probably first learned of during this White House news conference. Please don't Google them now. Thank you. www.wlwt.com/article/mela...
wlwt.com
Melania Trump denies ties to Epstein, knowledge of his crimes in White House announcement
First lady Melania Trump delivered a statement at White House denying ties to Jeffrey Epstein and knowledge of his crimes, and she called for a congressional hearing for survivors.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
History students in a certain narrow age band will note that this is exactly how Nickelodeon managed the handover of power from Steve to Joe on Blue's Clues. www.nytimes.com/2026/04/07/w...
nytimes.com
Kim Jong-un’s Daughter Drives a Tank, and Succession Talk Accelerates
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Impending seventh batch of "decisive" coming days will be "most decisive ones yet," secretary promises www.cbsnews.com/news/pete-he...
cbsnews.com
Pete Hegseth says "upcoming days will be decisive" in war against Iran
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Dan Caine held a news conference at the Pentagon as gas prices in the U.S. continued to climb amid the ongoing war with Iran.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
President Shocked to Learn Allies He Insulted and Threatened for Years Don’t Want to Join War He Started Without Consulting Them
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
EVERYONE: [feeling as if a psychological burden they hadn't even realized they'd been carrying for years has finally, unaccountably been lifted] ME: Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
Ah yes, the proverbial "bones of feeling" that were described so eloquently by Sun Tzu www.politico.com/news/2026/03...
politico.com
Trump: Iran war will end when I ‘feel it in my bones’
The president insisted the economy will rebound after the war.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
You will no doubt be delighted to learn that the "we" that includes Donald Trump and not you is super stoked for higher gas prices www.nbcnews.com/politics/don...
nbcnews.com
Trump touted falling gas prices but now says 'we make a lot of money' as they go up
President Donald Trump's war with Iran is causing oil prices to rise and gas prices right along with them.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Step 1: Fire half your employees because AI can do it now Step 2: Discover AI can't do it now and keeps breaking stuff those former employees kept working Step 3: Resign because your decisions have harmed the business. Just kidding! Double the workload of your remaining employees
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
🎵 I said I'd make a nice dessert for you and bring a side dish, too and it was all Jell-o
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Hello, as you can see from my model-like physique, exquisite facial structure, bow-shaped lips, and GLASSES, I am a lonely, awkward social misfit who has given up on ever finding her chance at love.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
Looks like colonialism's back on the menu, boys
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
Things not to say when the job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 10 years: -Dancing on the grave of the capitalist order -Still fuckin' like a champ -Laid off from here for about eight years, statistically speaking -Answering these questions, if you ask them any slower
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 10/12/2025
Welp, gothamist.com/news/early-a...
gothamist.com
Early Addition: The State Department's war on inclusive fonts
Because Calibri has been targeted as a DEI initiative that must be banished, here are your early links: Kathryn Garcia to lead Port Authority, "Jay and Silent Bob" striking yet again, some good restau...
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
"Hey, remember that obviously stupid shit I renamed our whole company after? Yeah, it turns out that shit was stupid. Who knew, right? Anyway, you're all fired. But I can't be, so it's all good." finance.yahoo.com/news/meta-ce...
finance.yahoo.com
Meta CEO Zuckerberg plans deep cuts for Metaverse efforts, Bloomberg News reports
Dec 4 (Reuters) - Meta's Mark Zuckerberg is expected to meaningfully cut resources for building the so-called metaverse, Bloomberg News reported on Thursday, citing people familiar with the discussion
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/12/2025
Here's a strong contender for lamest ad copy ever written. Like, WHY? Why would I or anyone else on Earth be imagined to have ever wanted the thing these words are laboring ham-handedly to communicate?
Ad text: Make the season sound cinematic
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
Always be wary when a corporation tells you how much you're about to save.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 06/10/2025
The end game for Trump and his ardent supporters has *always* been to deploy American soldiers against American citizens who aren't Trump and his ardent supporters. It's never been subtle or ambiguous, except to fucking dumbasses who thought they were voting for cheaper eggs.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 27/09/2025
[every text from now on] Mom, that isn't just a lunch invitation—it's a strategic roadmap for meal acquisition. Your text: -States when and where lunch will occur. -Describes the menu. -Mentions nearby parking options. That's not an invite—it's an all-access pass to a midday dining festival.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 25/09/2025
If there is any greater pleasure in life than going to websites that purport to "explain" song lyrics to you and looking up their interpretations of random punk songs, then I mean, sure, I'd probably be better off doing that with my limited time on Earth instead, but C'MON
Screenshot text: The artist mentions committing criminal acts such as stealing alcohol, physical violence, and defecating in someone's footwear.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 08/09/2025
Maybe in the end, our AI-administered social media personas will autonomously battle each other to the death online and we can all just meet up at the park and play frisbee or something
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
Starting to suspect my lack of interest in just about everything anyone says lately might come down to the fact that I just don't spend that much time thinking about Taylor Swift or Cracker Barrel
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
"What the Fuck Was That '90s Guy Singing in the Chorus?" Challenge My earnest deciphering: 'Uh, like, behold, behold me nude! Where yams agree that the skies go "Moo" We yawn, and y'all, we're just sly cubes Who love Keanuuuuuu!!!' Your turn. www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrBP...
youtube.com
Spacehog - In the Meantime [HD]
YouTube video by Bezz Music
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 02/07/2025
Looking for a conversational partner who will listen to me 24 hours a day and unflinchingly reinforce all the stupidest shit I think, does anyone have any suggestions
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 01/07/2025
There's a reason you rarely see people reach for the phrase, "As beautiful as a settings menu," but damn, does working on these essential but unlovely things sap your soul after a while.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 19/06/2025
I'm thinking it would be a better use of headlines to save them for the occasions when a SpaceX rocket *doesn't* explode. www.cnbc.com/2025/06/19/s...
cnbc.com
SpaceX's Starship explodes during routine test in Texas
Local authorities said that Starship "suffered a catastrophic failure and exploded," with no injuries reported at thsi time and an investigation underway.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 24/04/2025
If only Neville Chamberlain had tried saying "Adolf, STOP!"
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
Boring bookkeeping note: I generally try to follow everybody back (after some rudimentary bot-and-Nazi screening). I was away for a while, then sick for a while, then hellishly busy for a while/still, and I am *way* behind on that. Hoping to get caught up, but it may be a bit yet. Bear with, please.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 10/04/2025
If there is a more perfect microcosm of the Trump administration than a wrestling executive turned education secretary promoting AI in the classroom while thinking it's pronounced "A1," please tell me what it is so I can point and laugh at that one too. futurism.com/trump-educat...
futurism.com
You'll Die Inside When You Hear How Trump's Education Secretary Pronounces "AI"
During an education summit, Trump's secretary of education Linda McMahon repeatedly pronounced "AI" as "A1."
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 08/04/2025
Always fun when your country's immigration policy is dictated by incels terrified about what skin color their nonexistent grandchildren might have.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 04/04/2025
I heard that when every stock in the world declines precipitously, it usually means someone had a really good idea
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 31/03/2025
Here you go, stupid assholes. Two months in and he's trying to do the exact thing *every* person with a brain and the remotest grasp of history told you he'd try to do if you elected him again. But hey, at least groceries are cheap now, right? No? Oh. apnews.com/article/trum...
apnews.com
Trump says he's considering ways to serve a third term as president
President Donald Trump says he's considering ways to serve a third term. “I'm not joking,” he says in an NBC News interview.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 18/03/2025
It's kind of embarrassing when you can't get to sleep. Like…you're failing at *sleep*. One of the simplest acts an organism can perform. You literally just lie still and then fall unconscious. But I'm out here like "What was that second step again? This shit is tricky."
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 14/03/2025
I lost 15 pounds in less than two weeks with Pneumonia™! Hoping to get ready for beach season in a hurry? Pay me 100 bucks and I'll cough on you.
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 10/03/2025
Oh? Ah. [nodding extremely patiently] Golly. I see. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
theguardian.com
Trump supporter wrongly detained by Ice questions his support for president
Jensy Machado, a naturalized US citizen from Virginia, believes US immigration agency profiles Hispanic people
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 05/02/2025
BREAKING: Man With All the Money in the World Might Be a Bit of an Asshole
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Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 03/02/2025
Trump Moves to Fulfill Inflation-Fighting Promise by Bringing Soaring Stock Prices Down to More Affordable Levels
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