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Yael

@elle91.bsky.social
3.6K followers 58 following 335 posts

New platform who dis

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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
One day after being abandoned vs 5 days of being loved
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Watch my solo orphan babe settle when I pretend I'm cleaning him like his mom would 🥹
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Anyone: Do you need help? Me, desperately in need of help: Omg you're so sweet, no I'm good but thank you so much! [perilously close to the edge] do you need anything though
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Shoutout to the Airpods noise canceling function that didn't snitch to my boss when she called me at 1:00 pm on a Tuesday and I was at Costco
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
"Kids who read more have better vocabularies" OK well I loved reading as a kid, but once in high school I pronounced "banal" like "anal" in front of my entire English class because I'd never heard anyone say it out loud before so maybe basic vocabulary is actually fine
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
A guy behind me in line at Walgreens dropped something and APOLOGIZED TO ME like it was some sort of inconvenience and my dumb ass said sorry right back so now we're getting married.
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Reposted by Yael
The Volatile Mermaid @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Sure everything keeps getting worse but it’s important not to lose sight of the fact that everything is also getting dumber.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I bit a radioactive spider and now he's just sitting in the corner crying about the fact that none of his pants fit him anymore.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Pancake walked in on me laying with the dog on the couch where we usually cuddle
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I'm just a girl standing in front of a mirror looking for the FUCKING HAIR THAT'S TOUCHING MY FACE WHERE IS IT
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Eating sushi when you're actually hungry feels like being thirsty as hell and trying to quench it by sucking water out of a wet rag.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Had a first date at a bar that happened to be playing a LOT of ska and I kept zoning back in mid enthusiastic lip sync so either this dude is never going to talk to me again or I'm gonna have to marry him
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Just when I thought America was beyond repair I found a fucking hot dog farm LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Just took a walk without my headphones and holy shit, you guys know about birds? Rad stuff
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
We need a members-only grocery store where you have to pass a test proving you're a functional human with common sense and the most basic situational awareness to shop there.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
I love surprises as long as I have a general idea of what's involved, where and when it'll happen, who will be there, and how long it'll last
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Every little thing she does is magic. Burn her. Burn the witch.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Him: Why are women so mysterious? It's like they thrive off of keeping secrets. Me: We're not. You just don't listen Him: I'll figure it out one day
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
OK well I asked about it, and it turns out she did NOT know about the community service/license thing
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Seems odd looking back that as a 17-year-old, my mom let me date a guy who was several years older, who I had to drive to community service because he got his license temporarily revoked. But to this day, he's the kindest, safest person I ever dated so maybe moms just know
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Work serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept people's idiocy, the courage to answer insane questions sincerely, and the wisdom to know not respond to emails with "are you stupid"
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Almost nobody actually read the books we were told to read in high school, but now, most of my friends and I are in book clubs voluntarily. The difference? Alcohol. Let high schoolers drink, but only in English class
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
🎶If you wanna be my mugger, You're gonna get 15 pens Pens don't last forever So I buy lots of pens🎶
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Everyone has a friend who "doesn't have time" to watch TV but watches three hours of reels every single day
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
[Checking online] OK yes my insurance covers this doctor [Calling to make sure] OK yes my insurance covers this doctor [Gets a bill for $800] What the fuck Insurance: Oh! Yes we cover that doctor, but only Monday-Thursday and your appointment was on a Friday
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Burnout was not nearly as common in prior generations. Is it because everything is getting less attainable while expectations get higher, forcing us to essentially kill ourselves for life we'll never have? Or was it because of the cocaine
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Dating in my early 20s: I will only date someone who is taller than me, has a good career, would be a great dad, cooks for me- Dating in my mid 30s: I will only date someone who I'm at least 95% sure wouldn't murder me.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Netflix's algorithm: Because you watched this show, we think you'd enjoy watching this show again
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Person: [Calls from an unknown number] Me: If it was important, they'd leave a message. Person: [Leaves message] Me: Yeah, lol I'm not listening to that.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
What's your most traumatic childhood memory that'd only be traumatic to a kid? When I was 6 I got a sea monkey kit. I loved and doted over those eggs until they hatched. When I ran to show my dad, I dropped them all over the deck. I screamed like I was being murdered. Your turn
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Rankings of jam from best to worst: 1. Space 2. Toast and 3. Oh hot damn this is my 4. Toe 5. Traffic
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
Hot new summer pickup move is asking strangers to check you for ticks.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
I need a drug that feels the same as a dog running up to me with its tail wagging, and then having their human say "weird, he doesn't usually like people"
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Me: Hi, may I please see the wine list? Waiter: Ma'am, it's 8 AM. Me: Oh, sorry. Good morning, may I please see the wine list?
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Nobody told me that as soon as I had enough money to actually do things I wanted to do, I wouldn't have time. Haha just kidding, I still can't afford them but it's ok, I don't want to do them anymore because I'm also depressed
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
I'm opening a store that sells tail extensions for dogs who had theirs docked. A retail store.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
At this point, whatever
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
Is being subpar at golf a good thing or a bad thing
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
Maybe the boomers are right, and all we need to do to live comfortably and afford property is stop spending money on frivolous things like *checks notes* food
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
[Slaps head] this baby can fit so much anxiety
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
I live in the greatest country in the world. I pay $450 a month for health insurance so I can pay $250 to go to a doctor who prescribes me a medication that I can't afford because it isn't covered by insurance.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
Whenever you think you don't matter, remember that you could be the one to introduce your neurodivergent friend to the phrase they're going to repeat 28 times a day for the rest of their lives.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
I need a second therapist to help me figure out if my first therapist is mad at me
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Sorry, I can't stop by after work I'm already running late for being home from work.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
"If it gives you a stomach ache, just stop eating it" you literally don't understand me at all
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
They'll refer to this time in history as the unenlightenment.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Having a job is really exhausting but at least I get to spend all the money I make on shit I don't want
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Being an adult is great if you like the idea of limping for the first hour of every day.
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 04/05/2026
Babe, what's wrong? You've barely touched your ₥₳₦-₥₳ĐɆ ⱧØⱤⱤØⱤ₴ ฿ɆɎØ₦Đ ØɄⱤ ₵Ø₥₱ⱤɆⱧɆ₦₴łØ₦
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Yael @elle91.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
"The sun really ages you" yeah so does hearing a podcaster you've been listening to for a decade suddenly start making offhand comments about cool birds they've seen, but there's no protection against that
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