Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 21hThey've introduced the "one to many" queuing system at my local pub. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 06/10/2026Look at those chickens awkwardly strutting across the road. Poultry in motion? Absolutely not. #Lunchpun 030
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 05/10/2026My performance was so poor when I worked at Apple, they put me on a PIP. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 25/09/2026My wife only came third in a cooking competition by pouring Bacardi over a rotisserie chicken, but at least she got on the rostrum. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 24/09/2026My friend Penelope sings the high notes in our Male Voice Choir. Tenor Penny? No, they're quite rare actually. #Lunchpun 071
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Someone's stolen my sun lounger. I'm not going to take this lying down. #Lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I think the girl that works down at the cinema carries a torch for me. #Lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 21/09/2026*Parisian café Me: I'll have an espresso with 5 sugars, right away. Waiter: Tout de suite? Me: I'll be the judge of that. #Lunchpun 080
Reposted by Call me Al FarmBernie Banshee @berniebanter.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Anglo Irish politics. It’s all fun and games til someone loses NI… #LunchPun 083
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I had no idea what to do when I left school so I became a farrier on the hoof. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 17/09/2026My Dad used to paint the oars with emulsion down at the rowing club. It gave him a chance to show off his silky sculls. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 16/09/2026When Lewis Hamilton was young, everyone said he only won because of some secret, mysterious skills. Dark arts? No, he'd race in any colour. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 15/09/2026This guy down at Kwik Fit was having a right go at the fitter about the price of his Michelins. Tyre rant? Well, he was a bit of a dick. #Lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I'm off to the Amazon rainforest for the holiday of a leaftime. #Lunchpun 080
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Went for a run through London this morning, ended up by Big Ben. Against the clock? No, it wasn't a race. #Lunchpun 090
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 10/09/2026My geography teacher turned his nose up when I couldn't tell him where Singapore was. Sneer? No, it's very far away. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Whenever I'm delivering Nandos to submarines in Faslane, they have to say up peri-periscope to see who it is. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 08/09/2026My Dad was so frugal, he used to search for the least expensive fish when we were in the supermarket. Cheapskate? No, they do come cheaper. #Lunchpun 030
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Imagine my disappointment when I learned my new job as an undercover cop didn't mean staying in bed all day. #Lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 04/09/2026I refused to buy my wife some new kitchen knives and now she's looking daggers. #Lunchpun 020
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 03/09/2026When I worked at the BBC, I used to read the traffic news about accidents and traffic jams. Auto queues? No, from a piece of paper. #Lunchpun 081
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I paid £20 to reserve the aisle seat on my last Ryanair flight, only to find they had also sold it to someone else. Did you get a receipt? Yes, right by the window. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 01/09/2026I like butter margarinely more than the alternative. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I'm looking forward to eating this, but do you have any cream? I want something to wet my apple tart. #lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 27/08/2026It doesn't look like I'm going to get away this year, my summer holiday plans are untravelling. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 26/08/2026After not showering for days, my sole intention is to go into work and reek havoc. #Lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 25/08/2026My mate says he's taking a break from watching porn. Interlude? He's into everything. #Lunchpun 090
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 24/08/2026I had a sceance last night, but wasn't connecting with anyone. I then realised I was using my Nonnein board. #Lunchpun 020
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Back in the day, I used to advise Bob Geldof to do his taxes, wash the dishes, clean his clothes and the like, but he always said "I don't like mundane". #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 20/08/2026My local laser eye surgeon has been struck off for cutting corneas. #Lunchpun 180
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 19/08/2026I keep a daily record of when my grandma's most poorly. When dire gran? It's more of a bar chart actually. #Lunchpun 041
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 18/08/2026I'm going to play golf. Just putting it out there. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 17/08/2026I know a comedian whose jokes are exclusively about things you can make with wool. He's good, but he's a bit of a knit wit. #Lunchpun 080
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 14/08/2026I'm going to join the fire brigade on Monday. Just putting it out there. #Lunchpun 041
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I've been booked into unwanted appointments at the manicurist and dentist today, but I'm going to fight it nail and tooth. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 12/08/2026People who criticise the European Athletics should stay in their lane. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 11/08/2026My car's technology is so advanced, it has decided to write a book about its life. It's her autobiography. #Lunchpun 040
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Who is this guy in the black gown and hood with a scythe who keeps going away and coming back the next day? Oh, don't worry about him, that's just the Grim Reappear. #Lunchpun 081
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 07/08/2026My attempt to distract people by having a cigarette in the shower was just smoke and Miras. #Lunchpun 060
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 06/08/2026Mum says Dad is going to sort you out when he gets home. Marmalise? No, she's telling the truth. #LunchPun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Apparently, Marty Feldman had an incredibly huge collection of visual organs. Googol eyes? Yeah, he didn't like being called that. #Lunchpun 070
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 31/07/2026When someone accused Harrison Ford of never visiting Wales, he said "What lies, been Neath" #Lunchpun 150
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 30/07/2026First date: Me: What are you having? Her: The Bouillabaisse. Me: Fish stew? Her: Maybe later. #Rude #Lunchpun 050
Reposted by Call me Al FarmChrisP @wordsmithgetxo.bsky.social · 29/07/2026On The Simpsons, Sideshow Bob was a failed bartender. #LunchPun 271
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 29/07/2026I'm going to a meeting with all the heads of army procurement to decide what we should buy for land battles. Think tank? Great idea, thanks! #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 28/07/2026My Asda online delivery has substituted salmon for salmon else. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 27/07/2026My wife has started a mobile business in a caravan, painting the nails on your feet. Toe bar? On the back of the car, yes. #Lunchpun 050
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 24/07/2026When my band was recording in the studio, it was getting late so I said we'd better go. Make tracks? No, I said we'd better go. #Lunchpun 0110
Call me Al Farm @eggforbread.bsky.social · 23/07/2026Marsupials usually live until they're about 12 years old. Routine? No, they rarely get that old. #Lunchpun 030
