iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Sunny Moraine @dynamicsymmetry.bsky.social · 14h

Okay so partly spurred by the Midnight show last night I want to come back briefly to talk about why I ended up taking a mostly unplanned social media break, and a bit about what’s going to happen going forward

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It was fucking GREAT, immaculate vibes is basically how I’d describe it But that’s how it’s felt every time I’ve seen them (four times now I think)

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Sunny Moraine @dynamicsymmetry.bsky.social · 15h

He approaches it in an intensely humanistic, “how can we do this in ways that help us thrive as people and not as meat for the capital grinder” kind of fashion

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Sunny Moraine @dynamicsymmetry.bsky.social · 15h

I think it was in this interview? But he talks a lot about this kind of stuff in general, the dynamics of work and productivity is one of his primary beats youtu.be/gN2FULNSWBw?...

youtu.be

The Expert Who Calls BS On AI: They’re LYING About AI | Cal Newport

YouTube video by Daniel Dushy

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The Midnight - 'Long Island' (Official Audio)

We were two islands when the waters had parted And this is a song to tell you to break through And finish what you started Into the muse, oh how you want her Into the waiting arms at the edge of the water 💖 youtu.be/MPfm_91gPz8?...

youtu.be

YouTube video by TheMidnightVEVO

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Anyway, thanks so much for understanding, and for being my friend if we’ve had that kind of connection, even if it’s only meant we commented back and forth here and there. It really does mean some thing to me, even if it’s something I need to pull back from for a while

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It’s also an invitation, though. If you feel like I feel, maybe do what I did and just increase the friction a small amount. See what happens. You can always smooth it out again if you decide you want to

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So this is an explanation and an apology in advance, for missing things and for kind of being self-centered I guess. Which again I think I simply need to for now I *am* going to still be posting here and there. I’ll try very hard to not collapse everything into self-promo because that sucks

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In particular I want to try to go back to writing long-form, which I used to do all the time and which I miss so much. I think microblogging did kind of ruin that for me; I can feel that I now think in short staccato bursts rather than an extended flow

I want to be able to focus deeply again. I want to be able to find joy more easily, to lose myself in creating and experiencing art. I want to feel like I’m connecting to the world in a way that means anything real

Because I know that’s the big danger zone, that I’ll start scrolling and I simply won’t stop Which means I’ll miss things, I’ll miss stuff happening to people I care about, and I’m really sorry about that. It doesn’t feel great. I hope you can understand why it nevertheless feels necessary

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I’ve got a book coming out this spring and I have an Etsy store to push, like I’m sorry to be so nakedly commercial but it’s just true But I do think I need to majorly pull back. One of the things that means is that I need to not be checking the skyline, for the most part

Incidentally that’s something else: I’ve mostly stopped playing guitar and singing. That’s a warning sign. That’s a big, big warning sign Bluntly, I’ve also got shit to sell. I’ve got vet bills to pay and a household to contribute to even if only to a paltry degree

And I’m tired of feeling disconnected and fractured, like I said. I’m tired of being unable to simply sit inside a moment and exist So I don’t think I need to leave entirely—I mean, I can’t. Now and then I want to share a story or a picture, like last night with Tyler’s guitar pick

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I don’t like how we respond to trauma and stress and disagreement and disappointment. I don’t like how reactive and reactionary it seems to make so many of us. I’m getting very tired in being disappointed in people I otherwise respect and like, all while constantly second-guessing my own responses

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I do not think it’s helping me feel more human. I think it’s making me angry and sad far too much of the time. I think it’s showing me the worst of too many people. I think it’s exposing me to the worst and most toxic and most dehumanizing impulses of so many of us

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And yet I look back on all these years of it and… I don’t want to go so far as to say it’s bad PERIOD, not when it means so many different things to so many people I will say that at this point, I think it may be bad for me

We all have a conflicted relationship with social media? We love it here, we hate it here, we can’t leave. Only I kind of did, accidentally In so many ways I *do* love it here. I love getting to know people. I love interesting discussions. It’s the primary way I keep up with many dear friends

One thing that seems evident to me, given all of that? I must not really WANT to use Bluesky. My use of it had to have been mostly habitual. If I really wanted it, that friction wouldn’t have resulted in such a complete cessation of use

And almost immediately I simply stopped using it at all For a week or so I kind of didn’t even really notice. Then I started paying attention and growing curious about what the effects of this might actually be

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Not quitting it entirely, but increasing the friction, the barriers to entry. So I did that: I got the Bluesky app off my phone. I kept it on my iPad, but I changed the settings so that every time I want to check it, I have to manually retrieve my password from Bitwarden and log in

Into the midst of this, about a month ago, comes an interview with the computer scientist Cal Newport, who holds a very dim view of social media, specifically because of what many of its common effects on cognition appear to be He recommends getting it off one’s phone

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I just do not like what it feels like to be in my own head these days. It’s not dire, it doesn’t feel like an emergency, but it’s not good Some of this is internal to me. But I think much of it is that this is a world which more and more feels like it’s determined to strip away my fucking humanity

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I’ve been growing increasingly desperate to feel connected and vibrant and *alive* in ways I think I used to and haven’t for a while now Executive dysfunction has become an increasingly severe problem, relatedly. It’s very hard to focus. My attention feels frayed and exhausted

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I’ve been wrestling with mortality (haven’t we all). I’ve been wrestling with what the world is becoming (haven’t we all). In particular I’ve been feeling increasingly fractured and distant—from people, from my surroundings, from my body, from my mind and heart

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It’s also been plenty of negatives. I’ve been completely in the professional and to some degree creative wilderness for over a year now. I’ve been uncertain of what I need and want and can meaningfully expect in that area. I’ve struggled with self-doubt and depression

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In many respects it’s been good. We bought a house and I’ve put a huge amount of work into making it something special. I started working on a new creative project which is in many respects unlike anything else I’ve done for a long time if ever However.

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(I will probably repost this a couple of times because I do want people to see it, if they care, and stuff can get missed on here) I mentioned last night that it’s been a very weird year, and it has been. In particular it’s been a weird six months or so