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Dimitri Allen

@dimitriallen.bsky.social
144 followers 125 following 1.9K posts

Scientist and amateur bartender (Parody account)

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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 06/06/2025
And who is this?
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
Huh… The house is dark…? Did the power go out?
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/04/2025
I was thinking about planning a date for Claire and I. Hopefully something better than our last..
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
I keep coughing. I do detest being sick.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
Where did you all come from…
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
I seriously have been unable to think these last few days. I’m up for an hour or two and then I crash again for hours. I can’t stay awake for the life of me.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 08/04/2025
Eugh.. I believe I’m falling ill again. Goodness, what is with my health recently ??
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 05/04/2025
I hardly remember these last few days. I’ve been overwhelmed by some kind of sickness, that of which I’m still recovering from. Claire as well. I hope none of the kids caught whatever bug we had.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 30/03/2025
OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT CELESTE. OH GOD I HOPE CLARK FOUND HER. WHERE IS SHE.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 30/03/2025
I don’t remember how I got home. I don’t remember much of anything actually. Hm..
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 29/03/2025
If I can get the other two Claires mad at me I’ll be 4/4 in fucking up the best relationship of my life. Haha!! I haven’t had a drink in… just about a week? Now’s a good of a time as any.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 29/03/2025
I really have ruined everything for so many people.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
I slept longer than I meant to. I know there wasn’t a set time to pick Celeste up but she’s likely overstayed her welcome. I hope she hasn’t blown anything up.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
I hope Celeste isn’t causing too many problems. I’m exhausted.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
002: Lab equipment has been tampered with. I have a sneaking suspicion that the lock mechanism Claire and I implemented is no longer effective. We will have to try a new one.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 28/03/2025
There’s a fly in the lab. How did it get down here.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/03/2025
001: I’m not sure where to start. The graduation of memories that clash together are making less and less sense. I’m unable to sift between which are mine and which are implanted from the universe. Am I losing my mind?
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 22/03/2025
If we’re sticking anyone in the basement it will be him.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 21/03/2025
I can only hope that little Dimitri isn’t stupid enough to hurt someone. I’ve got to get that taser from him.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 20/03/2025
If you told me last year that I would be taking care of multiple children I would have laughed in your face.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 19/03/2025
I wasn’t actually prepared for him to show up. Help.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 19/03/2025
Oh Jesus Christ. Get the basement ready.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 19/03/2025
Goodness I hope my younger self doesn’t show up. I don’t want to have to deal with him.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 19/03/2025
…pardon?
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 10/03/2025
I am a man. I’m a man? I’m a man. Definitely. Yes. … Maybe.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 10/03/2025
Would Claire love me if I was a woman..?
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 10/03/2025
Purely intellectual curiosity on my part. Just that.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 10/03/2025
??? Is everyone a woman now?? Am I a woman???
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 02/03/2025
Pardon??? No, Claire is in the kitchen with.. Well, there’s another child here. I suppose we always have room for one more. I’ve been working, so I haven’t had the chance to see them yet.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
I only seem to upset Claire with whatever I do. It’s a miracle she still wants to be around me. I certainly wouldn’t.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
I returned from taking Randall, and Claire isn’t home. She’s allowed her autonomy, but she didn’t leave so much as a note. Pot calling kettle, I suppose, as I too left without a word.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
Of course you may.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 25/02/2025
Clive introduced me to it, as a matter of fact.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 24/02/2025
I think, perhaps, I was a little unclear. Yes, they are my family. I meant in a more biological sense. I can hardly handle myself, I cannot imagine having to deal with a miniature version. I’m quite content with what I have at the moment.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 24/02/2025
I think, perhaps, that these late nights aren’t the best for my health. I’m feeling rather fatigued these days.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 24/02/2025
Honestly, the thought hadn’t much crossed my mind. Settling down and starting a family has never much appealed to me. I prefer an intellectual connection over a physical one either way. That is to say, such activities do not interest me. Theodore is enough for me.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 24/02/2025
Hello there, Flora!
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
Thank you very much! Personally, I find Claire much cuter than I, though I presume you mean that your find our relationship cute. I wouldn’t call myself ‘cute’.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
Why, thank you, anonymous person inside of my phone. I love you too.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
Hello, little Randall. I hope you’re going well!
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
Aha! I must admit, I don’t quite have the words to express my gratitude for this drawing. Such talent is remarkable. And the picture itself is very sweet. Thank you, sincerely.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
I do not like what you’re implying here. I have not tampered with her memories. I do not appreciate such an accusation, and I do not take it lightly.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
Hello. Perhaps I should reiterate once more that my name is Dimitri. D-I-M-I-T-R-I.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
If only it were eyeshadow, my friend, and not the product of many sleepless nights. Then, I suppose, it would be ‘killer’.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
I have decided to make a ‘strawpage’ upon request. dimitriallen.straw.page
dimitriallen.straw.page
dimitriallen's strawpage
dimitriallen's strawpage
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 23/02/2025
…I cannot stop recalling the time Paul called me pretty. It made me feel odd. I believe it was the choice of words, rather than the fact that it was Paul himself saying them. Am I pretty? I’d hardly call myself conventionally attractive. I wouldn’t call myself attractive in any way. …pretty?
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 22/02/2025
At least Theodore is happy.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 22/02/2025
I have a favor to ask of Claire, but I’m not certain how to word it. Not my Claire. The other one. I suppose they’re both my Claires. Just… God, this is confusing. It might actually be better to call her Celeste. Just to stop any confusion.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 21/02/2025
Haha.. I honestly don’t know what to do now.
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Dimitri Allen @dimitriallen.bsky.social · 21/02/2025
Everyone keeps talking as if me and Mr. Layton (from the future) are one and the same. It is as off putting as it is flattering.
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