iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 6h

OSIRIS: my beloved wife thank you for finding almost all my pieces and restoring me to life ISIS: you're welcome OSIRIS: but you really couldn't find my penis ISIS: no it vanished. complete mystery ANUBIS: isis i have the mummified paperweight you wanted ISIS: not now anubis

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

i tend to spend longer wrestling with fountain pens convincing them to work than I do actually writing 😆 the only fountain pen I've ever loved (a lamy 2000) I lost in a taxi and I've been grieving it ever since

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

I usually fill it with footnotes and page references and corrections 😁

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

its the sepia from pascribe.com, it's technically for calligraphy but I have about 5 jars in a drawer because it's basically the only one I use lately

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

have you seen the price of livestock

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

i have tried infinite word processors, about ten fountain pens, a typewriter, dictating to a shadowy assistant, no, all are inferior to bad flat nib and regular inkwell and tiny notebook

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/10/2026

years of trying to figure out the most efficient tools for getting any writing done and I am ashamed to report the correct answer is a stack of notebooks, a flat nib and an inkwell, the monks were right. somewhat related but I might have to kill myself

it's my stack of notebooks and an inkwell

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 14/10/2026

I enjoy how you can see the cogs turning in his head 😂

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

YOU: talk dirty to me ME: (lights a cigar, places my feet on the desk in my poorly lit and negligently furnished detective office) i knew she was trouble when she walked in. she was legs all the way up. it was a medical condition.

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I love the expression "to eat like a horse" it conjures a wonderful image ruminating over a fence contemplating the derby

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

what if I throw it in with a bunch of other stuff like kneel suck my dick and then i throw in cook a meal, I feel like that would work

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I'm sorry but I'm not taking advice on preparing food from anyone who is thinner than me, I just don't think it's credible to suggest you are enjoying it as much as I am

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

my favourite part of le morte d'arthur is the bit where the lady Iseult calls Sir Dinadan out for having precisely zero bitches

an excerpt from the norton critical edition of le mort d'arthur where Le Beall Isode says "why ar ye a knyght and ar no lovear...ye may nat be called a good knyght by reson but yf ye make a quarrel for a lady"

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

in many ways, so was my lack of willingness to run the numbers before publishing

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

when someone approaches you with a dissection of your work it is a gesture of love and the only thing to do is plant your feet in the mulch of falsehood and claim all your mistakes were maverick artistic flourishes

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I am told I have a box of author copies on the way to me, and I'm just going to mail you one 😂 this is my solution

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

If I need a gay to do something for me I just wait until october and then use the dad voice, it has an absurd success rate, fish in a barrel

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

trying to figure out why so many of my friends are acting distracted and doing the 🥺 face all the time, then I'm like ohhh right its october

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

this is so deeply predictable but also very funny

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

my kingdom for a cube (or other isometric device) that pings when I hear the truth

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

setting up the grand bureau of submissives (population 15,000) to handle the administrative burdens of 15,000 submissives, and still ending up without my goddamn slippers in the morning

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

as soon as I figure out how to sift through the "will say anything to get laid" submissives for the "actually doesn't mind doing chores" ones (perhaps some kind of large scale sci fi device) it's over for all of you

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I think I need a butler. I wake up and I just lie here like kafka's beetle doing nothing when I know that some tea and my slippers would fix everything but they are so far away (5 meters)

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

'have you considered writing in a different genre' oh you like the trumpet do you, i bet you'd be good at the oboe. if you love football you'd be great at archery, im going to walk directly into the ocean

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

still thinking about the weekend when I was concentrating on a new rope tie I'm learning, so I say to the guy 'turn around please' and he looks me dead in the eye and says "um you are the dom you don't have to ask" and I am like right right sorry shut your bitch mouth and turn around please

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

i would like to have lived during that period where I could have an intense homoerotic rivalry with another author we expressed entirely through letters and biting satires we publish in literary magazines

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

love the endless debate between tolkien and cs lewis as if they were two different schools of fantasy when if you plot them on the graph between cave paintings and romantasy they are basically touching butts together somewhere in the middle

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

the days are starting to get noticeably shorter, which means I am entering my autumn-grumpy period, a subtly but crucially different frame of mind from spring-grumpy, summer-grumpy and winter-grumpy

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

yea i am very easily baited, can't deny that they should tag all the brats like cattle

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

my least woke opinion is that all subs should be rounded up and tested for colour vision deficiency

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

someone mistaking me for a switch at the bondage event, growing evidence for my theory that no-one else in history aside from me has ever intentionally chosen the red/dominant wristband, and that all subs are colourblind

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

why is having my boots cleaned by the tongue of another man such a healing experience. i don't know. I can't afford that expensive a therapist

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

i suppose the difficulty of this depends on if your spiders are unionised

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

i have this habit of being extremely dogmatic about something i'm feeling in the moment (wednesdays are unfair. babies should be illegal) and 24hrs later someone will bring it up and I'll be like "well i don't think I said that" and they play me the video but I remain unconvinced

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

at some point I was like "look tell me where to go, I'll get a train and come to the office you can stamp it there" and they say there is no office and I'll said "where is the stamp located then, it must be somewhere" and they will say "nowhere", I am living in a surrealist hell

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

god forbid I should hold it together long enough to demand answers, whereupon they will say things like "oh, we'll send another form but it will take ten days", england has a finite landmass, madam, are you sending it on a horse you've shot in the leg

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

and I will ring up and wait for an hour and be put through to susan or nicky who will be a middle aged woman with the hypnotic voice of an evil snake in a rudyard kipling novel and I'll end up saying things like "its fine! these things happen" which I absolutely do not mean

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

i sent off a form to the tax office in april, and all it needs (ALL it needs) is a single stamp and to be sent back to me, now when they quoted three months I initially thought that was very funny, but now its september and suffice it to say I have lost my sense of humour over it

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

EMILY: im in paris EMILY'S WIFE: we should murder the king of scotland

an article header reading "JD VANCE: Emily in Paris is the 'Shakespeare of our time'"

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

i blame the space marines even if they weren't involved

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Oliver Darkshire @deathbybadger.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I always think i've grown up and matured but then I play one game of warhammer and I become the salt demon

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