Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 05/04/2026There’s one thing he said to me before I left for residential college in 2003. He handed me a CD of Evanescence My Immortal and said “when you miss me, always listen to this song” (he was seven at the time), now I can’t listen to it without crying, as it has a very different meaning for me now. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 05/04/2026I know the mental health team suggest I speak to him about my feelings, but I can’t do that, I can’t look him in the eyes and speak the words I need too. I’m just scared, I’m scared for my brother, and his future. 110
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 05/04/2026I sometimes feel like I’m the worst sister ever. I know he’ll say I’m not, but it’s just how I feel in my eyes. I want what’s best for him, always. Yes I’m crying as I type this - just don’t tell him these feelings. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 05/04/2026I love him with my whole heart, and I hate what I’m putting him through. I promised him when we were younger, I’d be around forever. We’ve never been a part really. To know I failed him again is breaking my heart. I failed him when he was a kid, and in his his future, I’ve failed him again. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 05/04/2026I’m gonna take my brother out on a sibling date, a week after next, treat him to the new Mario movie, than let him loose in the arcade part of Hollywood Bowl. Treat him to a sibling date to remember. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 11/03/2026It’s been a year since I e posted on Twitter. I have gone on it, just to read tweets from a dear friend who died. Do I feel better for it - yes. I don’t post, I just lurk 🙈 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 11/03/2026I said to my cat “I’d happily be one of those helpers”, those people have the best job EVER! Right now, and I have envy 🙈 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 11/03/2026I wish at end of the year Apple Music would tell you the most listened to language…. I know mine would be English, but Finnish would come in second…. As I’m addicted to this banger of a track (I have it on repeat tbh) 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 09/03/2026I fear if I get to the musical number I’d never wanna leave and just wonder around (even though I can listen to that musical number without the game). Playing it will be a much needed distraction I need. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 09/03/2026My brother gave me his XBox so I can play AW / AW2. I haven’t began AW yet, but I’m excited too. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 09/03/2026I love some Old Gods of Asgard…. But I also love Poets of the Fall. 020
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 09/03/2026I don’t normally do AI, I don’t like it. However, I was messing around with a music element of it, and wanted to know what one of my poems sounded like if I had a band. Let’s say it sounded awesome. Than I deleted the app as I don’t want AI in my life more than what is nessacary. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 27/02/2026I can’t say im disappointed. I am. But it’s okay, honestly it’s fine. As long as I don’t cry and keep it to myself. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 27/02/2026It’ll make you stronger. Most importantly, I’d tell her, never forget to be you, never shy away for no one. Show emotions, but most importantly know you are loved, treasured and valued. Just always be you. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 27/02/2026I miss that woman. That woman embarked on a journey, taking steps, uncertain, and with a smile. Looking n, checking out, though it feels decades a part, if I could talk to that version of me, I’d just tell her how strong she truly is, how the battle won’t make you weak, 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 27/02/2026Unlocked my phone and looked at old iCloud Photos….. I miss that woman in the photos. It was like viewing someone else’s life that isn’t yours. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 26/02/2026A few weeks ago I rang the end of treatment bell for the second time. I wish the first time in 2024 was enough. 120
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 23/02/2026I love how me and my dad’s late night texts go from Women’s football to Finland to Michael Sheen. No wonder my mind is random 😂 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 23/02/2026Radom fact from when I was a teenager. My Welsh teacher in school, used to teach Ioan Gruffudd before she moved to the old girls school I was in, and when she saw he was in Titanic (as well as she felt so proud to have taught him and she couldn’t wait to see what he’d achieve. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 22/02/2026My parrot doesn’t like Donald Trump. He goes right into a caique rant, and you own a birb than you know what does rants sounds like. So I learnt this over the weekend. F my caique don’t like you, I don’t like you and animas are good judges of character. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 15/02/2026It was always a one sided sister ship on my part. I would’ve taken a bullet for you, but now…. Nope. You burned that bridge. I don’t hate you, I just need to let go. Focus on those that matter, and not on those that don’t. I wish your family well and bundles of happiness. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 15/02/2026That feeling when you realise you never mattered to them, the way they did for you. I wish you all the best though. I loved you like a sister, even though you were my step sister (even though our parents go divorced). I guess I need to move forward, and come to terms with this. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 06/02/2026Broke down in tears in the review meeting. They want me to speak to someone about how to deal with emotions around my terminal diagnosis. I’m trying to keep myself together, but it’s so hard. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 06/02/2026Oh I need to speak to the mental health team tomorrow. How do I tell them im scared of the inevitable? Terminal cancer fucking sucks. It’s really messing with my head and emotions. 110
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 06/02/2026I’d only do items that are rusty and need a little work, and I’d consulate with someone else before I do anything to some antiques. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 06/02/2026I’ve been watching UK series Antiques Road Trip and some of the pieces I’ve said to my mum how I’d do them up, and find another purpose for them, you have a bit of history, yet you can also be part of that items history. Never have I ever been like this before. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 02/02/2026I’m just glad we have it for as long as we have, even with changes of characters they always seem to fit right in as if they’ve been with the team for ages. I do still miss Velvy as he was my favourite character. They’ve had such a strong and stellar cast from the beginning. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 02/02/2026I saw both episodes on early release, I thought I was going mad when I heard the Birmingham accent - which I love btw. Great opening two parter. Me and my mum was trying to work out our theories, wild out of the box thinking, and always end up wrong 😂 110
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 02/02/2026Mum *watching Silent Witness on iPlayer*: “he [Jake] looks good in a polo neck” Me: “yeah, Jub….. oh wait wrong show, that’s FBI” Like how could I get two characters from two different shows, in two different continents mixed up? #SilentWitness #FBI 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 02/02/2026My cat Mr Flibbles loves my Snuggie, he has as much use out of it as I do. But we do anything for our lil ones, even sacrificing a super woman Snuggie. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 02/02/2026I’ve been watching a lot of vertical dramas. Damn some are heartbreaking. One had my sobbing, as it felt like a part hit home too much for me. It was a good vertical and I did enjoy it (sobbing an all). Just when I’m at hospital verticals have became my safe haven. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 16/01/2026That’s why I left twitter, a year ago. For my own sanity. It’s become a toxic, angry and hateful place. I hope it doesn’t become like that here. Just please take it easy today, and enjoy time away from here :) 110
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 16/01/2026I’ve sent my uncle something from The Traitors store…. A letter saying “by order of the traitors you have been murdered”, and haven’t put whom it’s from, so he has to work out who it was….. Totally traitors style. #traitors 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 11/01/202610 years ago I last saw you. 8 years ago, I didn’t even get to say a final goodbye. I treated you coldly on Christmas Day 2016, I never thought Tay would be the last time we’d see each other. I beat myself up over this a lot, I know you’d not want me to feel like that, but I do. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 22/12/2025My baby bro has been watching The Boys, me and elder bro Christopher was talking about it. Now it’s got to be a good show if three of us watch it. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 22/12/2025Radio Rock Lite (Finnish station) is playing some great tracks, some I had forgotten about. But nothing is more satisfying than hearing The Rasmus or Poets of the Fall being played 🥰. Plus, I’ve discovered some new bands (well not new to most, new to me). 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 19/12/2025So, I had a phone call today, that made me doubt if I had my blood transfusion on Tuesday which I did. They wanted to book me in because I on their system I haven’t had it yet. I said to the guy “I remember going as I saw Santa, Minnie and Mickey. I didn’t imagine that”. Which I did. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 19/12/2025Poets of the Fall with @vampirebloom.bsky.social next year in September. I am looking forward it so much. Feels ages since we saw them last time. Code name 🙈🙈🙈 Hel-Don-Ham. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 19/12/2025@cocotheparrot.bsky.social thank you for the card. It made me smile 🥰. Sending lots of love and light to you all 💜 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 16/12/2025When Lauri came on stage with the Welsh flag I gave him, made my life. Than when he wrapped it around him for Not Like the Other Girls I burst into tears. It was an emotional moment, especially if you know how much the song means to me. 010
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 16/12/2025And if you celebrate a festive period, have a good one. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 16/12/2025Having a blood transfusion in about 12 hours. I would like to thank the person for giving this lil Welsh stranger the greatest of gift for Christmas. Peace, love and light to you and your family. I’ll never know whom you are, but I will never forget what you given me. 120
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 14/11/2025My dad doesn’t know my wishes yet. My mum, baby bro and my step dad know. Just working out ways to tell my dad. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 14/11/2025Cancer consultant said he’ll look into me donating my body for medical research. I said to him “I can’t donate blood, or organs. The NHS has done so much for me my whole life, and I want to give something back”…. I’ve had a long hard think about this. It’s something I want to do. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 12/11/2025I just got emotional. I sent dad a message about Euro 2028 and how we should go to the opening game in Wales. Than a taught hit me, why am I planning for something in advance when I don’t know if I’ll be here. As my long term prognosis is poor #fuckyoucancer 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 07/10/2025His smiling face whenever he saw me, his honesty and reassurance not only to me, but my family. This goodbye/thank you note is tough. 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 07/10/2025Writing a note to my soon to be ex consultant, is very emotional. I i dot want to say goodbye, I’m not ready. Yes, I do get attached to people emotionally. It’s just he was honest of this shity storm of cancer and that moment I just knew. I’m gonna miss seeing him. 100
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 17/09/2025Family and non bloody family, I owe you so much love. Making my Finland trip happen, you are all making a younger me dreams come true. Especially @vampirebloom.bsky.social, my mum and my dad (as well as others).. thank you and I love you.true.id 000
Darkness Hayz @darknesshayz.bsky.social · 11/09/2025I am aware I need to focus on my health regarding my new cancer diagnosis, but family is a very important core of my values. I’ll always put them first. Me I always place second. 000