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Dan ChickHolla

@danchickholla.bsky.social
1.9K followers 9.1K following 1.8K posts

a joke a day keeps the impending sense of doom at bay

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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I’m being told by someone at the casino that it was the cowboys who called the timeout. I’m gonna go to the review booth to see if I should delete my take
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
very dumb timeout by ravens on 1st and goal
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
fortune teller: you and everyone you love will be killed by a robot me [grabbing the fortune teller by the lapels and shaking them]: what flag will the robot have on its chest?
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
for all the people upset that I forget to put alt text on my images, take comfort in knowing that half the time I don’t even remember what to post the image
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
getting dangerously close to ironically calling “I hate nazis“ hate speech territory
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
commanders legend: john madden
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I feel like a lot of people my age are punching up their “where were you on 9/11” stories because my reaction to hearing a plane crashed into the world trade center was “is that where the white sox play or something?”
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
sorry eagles fans, my regional pride and love of football is superseded by my hatred of birds
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
everything’s moved from in person shopping to online, except prescriptions which went from picking it up on the way home from the doctor to “we won’t fill your prescription until you come in and look me in the eyes and hold my hand while I fill it”
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
this isn’t a nytimes story, it’s a shitpost
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
they need regulations around making your podcast name a pun on a pop song, I don't need elton john stuck in my head every time nate silver drops a new ep
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
forget dating advice, the left doesn’t make space for questions like “what should I do if I inherit a rental property and I’m the only one of my siblings who doesn’t believe in landlords?”
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
the next labor movement should make everyone get labor day off except podcasters. I don’t work this hard all year only to listen to reruns while I mow the lawn on my day off
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I hope leo allatius won whatever roast contest where he said “my god’s dong’s so big his foreskin is the rings of saturn!”
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I feel like a lot of people my age are punching up their “where were you on 9/11” stories because my reaction to hearing a plane crashed into the world trade center was “is that where the white sox play or something?”
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
any time you need to remember a 6 digit 2FA code, just spit it in the rhythm of an old school west coast hip hop line, and it will stay in your head and heart til the end of your 30 minute window
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
🎼 We get it almost everynight 🎶When that moon gets big and bright 🎵It’s a supernatural revamp Everybody was …
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
i would never let a little thing like my penis get between us
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
oh, your eyes are as big as your stomach? well, my balls are as big as my penis!
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
trump acts like a tough guy renaming things to lake america, but he doesn't have the balls to finish the job teddy roosevelt started and eradicate the letter "u" entirely
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
football fans fucking hate owls!!
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
if there's one thing i know about innovative artists and thinkers, they'd be real mad if they found out their field continued to progress and innovate after they died
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
in case you were unsure whether northern delaware is part of the philly area, one time my mom's brother whipped a soft pretzel at my dad's brother-in-law's head as hard as he could, and my dad said "i didn't realize jake and scott were so close"
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
can you guys help me start a rumor that kristen bell did black face early in her career?
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
I was annoyed at this drunk lady at the pharmacy who was giving them shit for 20 minutes straight but then they lost my son’s prescription so I was all for it but then the rant started getting antisemitic but then she said I was nice to look at
It’s so over / we’re so back meme
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
I don’t think asparagus really makes your pee smell like that, something else must be going on
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
saying “go get ‘em, young blood” to the kid going into the bathroom stall after I just blew it up
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
in 2024 my “the president gambled on a fart and died” tweet didn’t go viral, and ever since my life has been adrift without hope or purpose
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
I’m usually an ally but I stand with husbands everywhere who are getting crap for sneezing too much
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
me in societal discourse: conspiratorial thought is destroying our social fabric me when my tea takes too long to get ready: “””apparently””” I forgot to turn the stove on
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
realized this week my conscience is social media 'cause every time I have a thought like "I should take a trip to bermuda" I immediately imagine a leftist quote tweeting it
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I asked a group of female friends if there’s a difference between gilmore girls and gossip girl and it loaded the flashbang cutscene
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
trying to decide on a tattoo, what are some good things for calvin to pee on?
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
crazy how all the baldwins not only share a name but also look so damn alike
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
finders losers, keepers weepers
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
tom petty: you got lucky, baby, when I found you also tom petty:
Tom Petty after getting downright flogged by the ugly stick
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
unless the fund was previously worth $45,000,008,053, he’s still richer than me
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
rigging a cassette player to the door handle like I’m ferris bueller so that it plays farting and kerplunk sound effects whenever my dad (piers morgan) tries to come in so I don’t get caught masturbating during king charles’ coronation
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
the democratic party likes to act like it’s a big tent, but they’re not accepting of people who can’t get vaccines because we’re banned from walgreens for getting melted chocolate all over their coinstar trying to count how many M&Ms are in the jar #WalkAway
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Screaming Pectoriloquy @caulimovirus.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Piers Morgan @piersmorgan
My son has locked himself in the bathroom and I'm almost certain he's masturbating.
Disgusting. Especially at a time like this.
Apparently just an IBS attack. So he says.
10:07 AM • 5/6/23 from Earth • 24.7K Views
266 Retweets 26 Quotes
2,496 Likes 5 Bookmarks
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This Tweet has been deleted.
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I had a dream that I watched the matrix and I was bouncing off the walls when neo first entered the matrix I woke up at 5:30 and was too hyped to fall back asleep
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I had a dream that I watched the matrix and I was bouncing off the walls when neo first entered the matrix I woke up at 5:30 and was too hyped to fall back asleep
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Yes, the Problems are bad, but this is no time for radical things like Solutions
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
okay sure, your name’s morgann book, and you can call me dan shit
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
finally, an independent thinker who can’t be cowed into doing the objectively best and moral thing
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
I’m sorry for the things I said when my kids were under 5yo
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Sridhar Ramesh @radishharmers.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
The average human spends nearly 4% of their lifetime being Indonesian.
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Dan ChickHolla @danchickholla.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
“I just saw someone filling a water bottle at the sink in the bathroom” my friends: omg me: thats the worst, the automatic faucet always turns off over and over [dead silence] me: and those low flow spigots take forever! my friends: [slowly shuffling until I’ve been shut out of the circle]
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Tweet from Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin):

being rich must be nice [imagines jerkin off all over my chest & having a butler wipe me down]
wife: are you thinking about cum butler again
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