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Damned Goblin

@damnedgoblin.bsky.social
721 followers 805 following 3.4K posts

Gross little monster hiding under the bed. I steal children and sell them to the fairy folk, and yet I still have too much integrity for a Trump cabinet post. No AI. Period. End of sentence. bit.ly/HappyPCBG

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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 17h
Day 18: Sparksoul Nobody denies that Lum the Mad possessed a genius equal to his madness. It was his efforts to understand Demon Ichor that led him to study it in anti-magic fields. He learned that the ichor does not like it when you do that. At all. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Day 17: Shoenweal Some folks are rightly suspicious of Night Hags. They are clearly fey but they have spread through the lower planes operating as soul merchants. But that's not why they are here. They are looking for someone. They are looking for her #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Checks and Balances was always a story we told kids.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
At this point I envision his team of doctors like an illegal race pit crew just covered in dust and smoking unfiltered cigarettes while they slap JBweld on the engine block knowing that they are fundamentally destroying the machine but so long as it makes it across the finish line who cares.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
He tried the same thing with Hang Mike Pence but it turns out that his delusional narcissism extends to his delusion that his minions will immediately move to violence to please him. Seriously it's like trying to talk to a toddler who is also a sociopath. And a rapist.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
THE MOON'S NOT REAL! Oh you meant specific to your inquiry. My bad.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
My man looks like he was carved out of wood by a hermit who doesn't see people very often. Or like them.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
This gallows humor brought to you by a desperate need to process trauma in a world trapped in the grip of a social cancer.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
The Babadook is trying, okay? You try manifesting as the shame and insecurity of this fucker. He has got NO comprehension of his own flaws. Dook did not sign up for this much sexual harrassment. I mean how many times is "Honk-Honk" gonna be funny for this guy, really?
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Day 16: Stadoritch She was acting out because she missed her mother. I missed her too. I tried to understand. Imaginary friends are normal at her age. But the pranks were getting dangerous. I realized too late. She was never real. Either of them. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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020
Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
He gonna be real sad when he finishes all his spreadsheeting and finds out money doesnt actually buy votes. Sorry Tiny but competent execution of your duties and honest discourse is literally cheaper than... whatever the fuck you are doing. Also, keep an eye on this bitch. He doin something shady
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
SI is a pretty good term for Trump. Stands for Stupid Idiot, right? Yeah that's him. Not what he was going for? Syphilitic Imbecile? Nah he can't spell that. Accurate tho. Seriously Incompetent? Stubbornly Inculcated? Sexually Ineffective? Stealing In-plain-sight? Scumbag Ignoramous?
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
The final solution was to send them on a pleasant cruise and buy them nice villas in Argentina, right? Is that not the solution they came up with? No wait, that was their solution for something else wasn't it? Yarvin should be detained for this kind of thing.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
It costs more than that to keep that fucking criminal piece of shit in the White House.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Wait, what do you have in your mouth? Spit it out baby.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
They can certainly be trusted to have killed someone. Tennessee Highway Patrol would have shot her for snoring.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
This dude is WAY better than me at Chia Pets.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
sudo fwupdate CrazyFrog.mp4
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
It is so weird that lawyers say it is so hard to prove explicit Quid pro quo when it is the central plank of the Republican Party Platform.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Jeffy villified himself. He could have created a system where workers could breathe between paychecks and want to be Amazon loyal for generations. He had the cash to pull that off and still buy boats for his boats but he couldn't resist "But number go up more if I go full Bond villain."
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
We call that lobbying now. Justice Roberts says it's just "sparkling free speech." Cash is speech. Jewelry is speech. Jets are speech. Trafficking children for sex? Thats speech baby. Donald is such a good speaker.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
It's certainly not a President who wins games.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
is that that Crash Test Dummies song? www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTeg...
youtube.com
Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (Official Video)
YouTube video by CrashTestDummiesVEVO
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
You mean Mastabas? Yeah those things sucked ass. I wouldn't be caught dead in one.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
So what he is saying is "No, I don't know what socialism means. And I have no interest in learning or listening so don't bother."
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
It's like termites. If you don't have proof I saw it, you can't be mad at me for not disclosing it.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
As long as it wasn't Chick-Fil-A I don't have a value judgement to make here.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Is this not a clear cut case of "If the rope breaks you got to let me go?"
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Day 15: Herald's Horn She stood alone on the hill. We had her. Then she blew that terrible horn, and she was not alone. I knew what I saw, the others knew what they saw, but none of us could agree what was butchering us. You have two questions left. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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020
Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Look I will put it back when I am done. Some teeth marks on the pericardium, no harm no foul. Little slobber. Okay maybe a little foul. Do you want a free couch or not?
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Hey don't kink shame me. I have a "still beating" kink. You said this was a safe space.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
His version is original I tell you. He saw it on an antique wooden nickel in his dad's special secret white supremacy collection. His original contribution was not saying KKK White Power every time. Well, most of the time. Only when the cameras are on you know...
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Klantiac? Hates-back? Volks-don't-like-me-wagen? Patheticar? Lynchmobile? Coup-coupe? Traitor Tractor? Racist Racer? Nazi-can? Fraud Bus? The all new Chrysler Eugenica?
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I mean, he didn't say he wasn't going to commit war crimes. Actually, I seem to recall that he said he WAS going to commit war crimes. And they voted for it.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Fixed it for you
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Well don't do that. He likes it when you do that. That is how Melania got his attention and now look how miserable she is.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Followup question: If you think it is that obvious that he has done things that are impeachable, why aren't you impeaching him?
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Day 14: Evolve We had the bastard cornered. He was profoundly unwell, wheezing and hacking. We thought we would take him alive, but his spell ripped through him like wildfire and suddenly he was not unwell at all. He wasn't even human anymore. I ran. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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020
Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Muskrat is less subtle about it. He a White Supremacist with both hands.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Elon? Dude, you can't let the Nazi in the room with the big board! He'll see everything! He'll see the big board!
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Day 13: Sertralith We panicked when we saw the snake body and the extra arms. Cheruk called out "It's not a Maralith, it only has four arms. Probably Yuan Ti. Don't worry!" It was not Yuan Ti. We definitely should have been worried. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Her name is Spartacus and she is a hero.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Day 12: Chaos Drake The old man told us it was a lesser drake. We brought bear traps and spears. We expected boar-sized, perhaps tiger. We were not ready for a behemoth the size of a building. Sure, it didn't have wings, but it did have two heads. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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020
Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Day 11: Loberak Yeenoghu is called the Endless Hunger, but he took that title from Loberak, the Red Wolf. Loberak died, but a hunger like that does not die and it still wants more from Loberak. He is desperate and that is what makes him dangerous. #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Do you get a discount if you pay in Nazi Gold? You used to.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
My man looks like he has an encyclopedic knowledge of which canisters use which propellant and which colors of spray paint "work" the best.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
My man looks like he has stood in an alley and yelled "It's just a piece of paper, Brenda! Restraining Orders don't stack!"
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
My man looks like the cartoon illustration next to the definition of Secret Shitter.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
My man looks like he sells vapes with broken tamper seals to high school kids.
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Damned Goblin @damnedgoblin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Day 10: Chaos Blade The Thrall had done so much damage with that weapon. We thought we could take it from him. Turns out it wasn't a weapon at all. It was a creature with its own designs on what would happen next. You ever see a longsword eat a guy? #dnd #ttrpg #100days www.fiverr.com/s/61YadZL
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