Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 25/08/2026I could never be a marine. All that 'Sir, yes sir!' nonsense. The redundancy is astounding. I thought the military was supposed to be efficient! 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 12/11/2025Tune in for a rousing rendition of my new hit single Every Time I Take My Jacket Off (Some Cunt Makes Me Go Outside) 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 22/09/2025Christians, just a reminder, when the rapture happens tomorrow, please leave your houses unlocked so we have access to them when you're gone. I have dibs on a TV evangelist's mega-mansion, so that's nice for me. But anyway, thanks for solving the housing crisis, I guess. Bye! 151
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 04/09/2025I'd probably have a PhD if universities stopped giving out certificates and started giving you a cool sheet of stickers or something 120
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 22/07/2025Ozzy Osbourne once told me to fuck off, so yes, I am cooler than you 030
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 05/07/2025Why is it called the "Great Canadian Dollar Store" and not "The Loonie Bin"? 140
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 19/06/2025I hate when people describe others as "inspiring". Ed Gein could inspire you to make a lamp, but that doesn't make him a good person 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 06/06/2025Motörhead opening for Black Sabbath, Alice Cooper opening for Mötley Crüe, or Paul Kelly opening for Bob Dylan Sorry... Böb Dÿlan 050
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 30/05/2025I wish AI would hurry up and take my job. I'm exhausted. 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 20/05/2025I've never seen it, but my favourite movie title is "How Green Was My Valley?" because you can put the inflection on any word and make it a totally different question 010
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 07/05/2025Does nobody read these things before putting them out? "I used to just be a ho owner" 181
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 18/04/2025Nobody ran my optometrist's social media handle by an Australian 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 08/04/2025The white middle-class obsession with how much the house you sold ten years ago is now worth 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 18/02/2025One of America's Turd In Chief's least serious, but most annoying legacies is coining the term "fake news" because he lacked the vocabulary to revive a word like "bunk" or "hokum" We could have been using "hogwash" unironically, but the orange scrote has a 4th grader's grasp of the English language 160
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 11/02/2025In 1997, Austin Powers was about a spy from 1967 In 2027, I want to see a movie, starring Matt Berry, about a spy from 1997 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 10/02/2025I'm listening to three middle-aged white women discuss the Superbowl halftime show It's the whitest, middle-agiest conversation I've heard in quite some time 190
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 04/02/2025It's funny how a colon can really change a sentence There's a big difference between: "My wife's perfume smells like flowers, ginger, and fresh cut grass" and "My wife's perfume smells like a colon" 040
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 03/02/2025Did we stop testing the precognitive powers of animals with groundhogs? Did anyone ask a porcupine what they know about the stock exchange? 110
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 21/01/2025I can't stand being told something is "an acquired taste" That doesn't mean it's good. It just means you got used to how bad it is! 010
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 10/01/2025Is there an anthropological connection between the three test clicks you have to do before using tongs, and the three test clicks you have to do to prove your stapler is empty? 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 09/01/2025I can't believe it's 2025, I'm still writing WTF on my paperwork 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 04/01/2025Hey, colourblind people, what's your opinion on Marvel switching from a grey Hulk in Avengers to a grey Hulk in the new Captain America? 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 02/01/2025I haven't had a Facebook account since 2018, but my mother still insists on sending me links that I can't see 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 31/12/2024I just had to chase one cat away from the onions and another away from the breadcrumbs Apex predators my ass! 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 27/12/2024Morpheus: You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth – nothing more Me: Those are capsules, not pills 010
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 24/12/2024My tinnitus seriously sounds like jingle bells tonight 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 06/12/2024Who the fuck cooks beef and broccoli for breakfast? The entire kitchen at work smells like deep-fried dog farts 100
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 06/12/2024Some days the intrusive thoughts tell you to step in front of a bus, and some days they tell you to sing "poutine" to the tune of "Jolene" and you just never know what kind of day it's going to be until it happens 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 05/12/2024Try to live your life in a way that your murder isn't met with universal indifference 030
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 29/11/2024I always find it funny when people come in to work and ask if we have a bathroom Like, no, I usually piss in a bottle and throw it onto the train tracks. I can loan you a bottle, though 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 21/11/2024"I can tell black from grey in this light. At my first job I used to have to sort pastel blue toilet paper from pastel green in no more light than this" That's the closest thing to a story about bulls-eyeing womp rats as I've ever ever said 120
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 20/11/2024They call him Keifer, but I've never seen him Keifmedia.tenor.coma man with blonde hair and a beard is smiling with the words come on below himAlt: a man with blonde hair and a beard is smiling with the words come on below him 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 18/11/2024If you go to staple something and you've run out of staples, you *have to* dry fire your stapler at least twice to be sure. I don't know why, but that's the rule 010
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 06/11/2024How does it affect me, as an Australian living in Canada? Well, imagine you're in the top bunk, and the person in the bottom bunk shits the bed. And then they vote the shit in as president Twice. 030
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 29/05/2024Brain: Say "Tight as a drum!" Also Brain: Say "Buttoned up tight!" Mouth: Tight as a butt! 020
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 01/04/2024Today: We leave for Sydney next month Tomorrow: We leave for Sydney in a month Thursday: We leave for Sydney in 4 weeks 030
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 29/02/2024Yeah, that's what this year needed. More fucking February. 010
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 21/12/2023I understand and appreciate that "at least tomorrow is a half day", but what *you* have to understand is that *I* will have a day's worth of work, and half a day in which to do it. So sorry if I'm not quite as excited. 010
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 14/12/2023"There's a stomach bug going around, so wash your hands like you peed with someone else's dick" The best advice I've ever given, frankly 000
Jase @dammitalltohell.bsky.social · 13/12/2023God damn. He was one of the best at what he did Goodbye, Captain Holt www.bbc.com/news/enterta...bbc.comAndre Braugher: How his deadpan delivery made Captain Holt Brooklyn Nine-Nine's beating heartAndre Braugher baked comedy, intellect and heart into the delivery of his lines on the US sitcom. 000
