iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

there are still a lot of things that need to be done but they arent urgent and im not really sure how to force myself to start working on them. the end results would be really cool but also like, things are running fine rn without them being done, and my brain doesnt know how to work w/o pressure

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i was working on it as a fulltime job basically for like a year because i felt like the community would be fucked if i didnt put my all into it and finish it before the next mk game came out, but now the site is there and my motivation is just at an all time low

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i feel rly bad for how little work ive done on mkc specifically in the last like 10 months or so, i feel like once the new site launched all of the pressure i had put on myself to finish it just went away

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 08/04/2026

i have so many things i want to do but also terrible self discipline to actually do them, i feel like i need some sort of deadline or feared negative consequence to actually be able to do something

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electrolysis on the upper lip got me questioning the meaning of life

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

i thought i was gonna lose my job to AI psychosis today but my supervisor had my back and vouched for me luckily, that really ruined my day for those few hours i thought it was over though

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

idk why i hold myself to such unrealistically high standards tbh, like when i want to get good at something i expect to do it faster than anyone ever has which is not really reasonable. i guess its good for the long-term results but means a lot of short-term disappointments

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 06/04/2026

saw something pretty normal on my walk today

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 06/04/2026

me for some reason 20 minutes after leaving a vc because my social battery ran out

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 05/04/2026

they actually cant keep a single secret its insane

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 05/04/2026

genuinely angry rn because why the fuck did the pastor of my parents' church call me by my chosen name as i was leaving the easter service when i explicitly told them i dont wanna be out anywhere irl atm

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 04/04/2026

ok i think my T is actually being suppressed now bc i shaved my body a week ago and its still just fuzz and that shit used to grow back fast af when i did it before

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 03/04/2026

bunch of adhd memes have been appearing on my twitter tl and they are hitting a little too close to home icl

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that trip took a lot out of me but we're back home, back to dissociation for another month and a half before i have to remember i exist again

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i dont regret coming out to start the new year instead, ive met many cool people since then who i wouldnt have been able to talk to if i ended up waiting till now which is cool. i just did it cuz i didnt want to get clocked as a boymoder at lan but i probably didnt rly need to worry about that lol

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in the end though i decided that shit was wayyy too risky with my follower count on twitter so i didnt do it, plus it feels like one of those jokes thats only funny when you already know how it ends

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i was gonna pretend that i just started hrt today and have people think the april fools joke was that i was lying and wasnt trans, but the joke wouldve actually just been that i was on it for 6 months the whole time

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 31/03/2026

6 months estrogenized today

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spent my tdov getting young man'd by random relatives ive never met before 🥀

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 30/03/2026

staying with relatives who im not out to yet until wednesday and hearing my parents refer to me as my deadname again around them actually hits different in a bad way

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 29/03/2026

whenever they figure out how to upload your mind to the computer they should make sure i'm the first person to try it out because i cant stand living inside this thing for one more second

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 29/03/2026

kinda crazy how they kept me in the hospital for the majority of my first year being born in an effort to keep me alive just for me to want to die anyway

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 29/03/2026

forget looking like a girl i would need millions of dollars of surgeries just to not look like an abominable freak of nature without a shirt on

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 28/03/2026

every day i think about how i had the perfect opportunity to turn into a girl while nobody saw me for 2 years in 2020 but was too stupid to know that i wanted that

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 28/03/2026

my optimistic side thinks the boymode might not be safe anymore if i got a good haircut and my doomer side knows the name of a few too many bones. not really sure who to believe here

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 27/03/2026

kinda worried my horrible social anxiety will always make me unable to accomplish anything i want for myself

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 25/03/2026

i spiral in dark patterns i'm so sick of going through the motions i wanna be the new routine and i wanna kill the competition and i wanna run like a machine i wanna find another way out

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 24/03/2026

learning japanese so i can read this bullshit

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

エンジョイ・みっしぃ ☆

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 22/03/2026

i have been much less of a doomer about my transition in the last week or so, i think now that i'm basically doing everything i possibly can medically it has really helped calm me down and assure me that things really can only get better each day from this point forward

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 21/03/2026

１か月経ったのに何も失われなかった

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 20/03/2026

my ultimate life goal is travel to japan and only get weird looks because i'm a foreigner and not bc im trans, and speak good enough japanese that i don't get nihongo jouzu'd once and they just assume i must live there

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 19/03/2026

today i learned that if u put an ice pack in the freezer it becomes one giant block of ice and does not in fact stay as a pack of smaller ice cubes

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Cynda @cyndaq.bsky.social · 18/03/2026

used trained voice in call for an hour today and it was cringe af esp because it doesnt pass still but it was good endurance practice, its at least nice that i didnt completely want to die while speaking like that. think i just need to use it a lot more to knock out the last few flaws atp

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i need to get back on bunpro soon for grammar, i would still like to take the jlpt one day even though my jp studies got derailed hard by other stuff recently, its still quite enjoyable to do

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being in the wanikani endgame is kinda annoying because ive burned everything that i can actually consistently remember so the only things left in reviews are the kanji and vocab that i keep forgetting over and over

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covid felt like the best time of my life at the time for obvious reasons but i always wonder if things could be better now had i been forced to confront why having a physical existence around other people made me so uncomfortable sooner

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