iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 08/05/2026

The Death Curse has entered it's god damn psychedelic phase!!!! Look for our new album this fall!!!!!! You're doomed if ya don't!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 23/04/2026

No I'm not a doctor, but I did shit my pants in a Holiday Inn last night!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

To those of you that follow me on twitter: My god damn account has been hacked!!! I'm trying to regain control of it as we speak!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 21/01/2026

God is with you young Skywalker!!!!! But you are not his messenger yet!!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 13/11/2025

My new god damn solo album will be dropping on November 28th!!!!! Just in time for the holiday season!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

Never fear! The god damn new Cracker Barrel logo is here!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 01/08/2025

My manager called me in the middle of a god damn Kojak episode asking if I wanted to come in!!! I said, no! He said, can I ask why?!! So I said, only assholes go to work on their day off! He said, today was my day off and I came in. I said, bingo! and hung up! #Walmart

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 23/07/2025

My boss makes a dollar while I make a dime!!! That's why I shit my pants on company time!!!! #Walmart

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 01/07/2025

Need a new car stereo?! Come to Crazy Ralph's Car Stereo! We test each car stereo with nothing but Kid Rock ditties because, let's face it, if we can make that bullshit sound good we can make anything sound good! Use promo code DOOM and get a free Conway Twitty CD of your choice!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 29/06/2025

According to the ditty that just played, apparently, You want it all but you can't have it!!!! And also, It's in your face but you can't grab it!!!!! #WalmartRadio

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 26/06/2025

It's so god damn hot I saw Jason stop and spray a few sprays of water on his mask yesterday while he was chasing down a victim!!!!! #heatwave2025

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 17/06/2025

I got kicked out of karate class last night for shitting my god damn gi!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 14/06/2025

Another Friday the 13th is in the god damn books!!!!!! People Wanged, people chunged, and I'm sure lots of doobies were smoked!!!! Hopefully things can get back to normal!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 13/06/2025

I took an early flight to Oakland!!!! No god damn masked assholes will be bothering me today!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 04/06/2025

Last night I woke up and the ghost of Conway Twitty was in my room! He said, "Ralph, Muffin is about to shit in your yard!" Then he disappeared! I looked out my window and there she was! I said, Muffin, leave this place! And she ran away! Thanks Conway! I god damn owe you one!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 30/05/2025

Same!!! Only substitute shit my pants for take a nap!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 30/05/2025

In 1985, after watching Back to the Future, I had the idea of putting a god damn flux capacitor on my bike, go back to 1945, kick Elias in the Jimmy using the crane technique I learned the year before, and make Jason's birth impossible!! I just couldn't get my bike up to 85 mph!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 28/05/2025

Someone broke into my homestead last night and took all the god damn Burger King coupons I had hanging on my frigidaire!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

I spent all weekend passed out!!!! What did I miss?!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 23/05/2025

My fantasy baseball opponent is cursed! Cursed!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 15/05/2025

I can cross this off the god damn bucket list!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 11/05/2025

Happy Mother's Day to my god damn mom!!!! 134 and still kickin!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 11/05/2025

And that, kids, is how I got a 2 week ban from the god damn Cracker Barrel!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 04/05/2025

Luke!! You will go to Piggly Wiggly! There you will find Pizzeria Combos on sale 4/$10.00! You will buy them out and bring them to my homestead and I'll reuimburse you! I'd do it myself, but my one week ban for shitting my pants hasn't ended yet! #MayThe4thBeWithYou #MayThe4th

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 04/05/2025

The Cantina better have Johnnie Walker or someone is going to lose a god damn arm!!! #MayThe4thBeWithYou #MayThe4th

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

This bullshit just went down at the Crystal Lake Denny's! Worker - Name? Me! - just a second I think I god damn shit my pants! Worker - Sir? Me! - hold up I just god damn shit my pants! Worker - Sir, language! Me! - Sorry! Hold up I just god damn poo poo'd my pants!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 30/04/2025

My grandma and your grandma was sitting by the fire!!!! My grandma told your grandma.....

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 25/04/2025

I don't remember going to Arbys last night, but I was there when I woke up this morning!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

And if the cops show up, you're drunk and the tree is a god damn stop sign down town!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

I just saw the commercial for the season finale of Fire Country!!!! There was a god damn fire!!!!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

The Crystal Lake Playhouse is putting on a performance of Annie Get Your God Damn Gun and I got a part!!!! I'll be playing Pants Shitter #1!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

Watch me play Conway Twitty ditties on OnlyJams!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 20/04/2025

Hot damn!!!!!!! Thanks Easter Bunny!!!! Now hop off before Jason sees ya!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 12/04/2025

Today I turn 113!!! I'm a god damn teenager again!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 07/04/2025

Attention McDonald's diners!!!!!!!!! I came here to eat ice cream and shit my pants!!!! And, as you can probably guess, the ice cream machine is god damn down!!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

Don't you wish your boyfriend was drunk like me?!!!!!!!

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Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!) @crazyralph1980.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

This Saturday at 7pm at the downtown parking lot right in front of the god damn porta potties Crystal Lake's premier power trio, Death Curse, will be playing ditties off their debut album, Dogshit and Sassafras! You're not going to want to miss this bullshit!!!

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