iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

James bit me on my little finger so I will be revoking his IPad for a week. I will also be uploading his soul into an IBM quantum computer, programmed to make each second feel like a thousand lifetimes of torment.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Quincy was pulled over for going 90mph in a school zone. Quincy, being a devious little man, quickly beheaded the officer. Smooth moves, Quincy!

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

This is my original character, Bentley 2. If you have nothing nice to say about Bentley 2 then DO NOT engage with me. Grow up.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Today is my birthday, and thus the Birthday Fairy has come to collect his tithe. Three of my favourite followers will be abducted and destroyed immediately.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

@panootsart.bsky.social By delving into the Chuck E Cheese wiki the seal has been broken. The dastardly rat is free.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

I went back. She took her top off and made me uncomfortable. She has absolutely ruined carbon monoxide for me.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

I was exposed to tremendous amounts of carbon monoxide and it allowed me to commune with the witch. Big fan of carbon monoxide.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

I have obtained this rare Peruvian Gore Wyrm. Her name is Isabelle and she screams whenever I read the holy bible aloud 💕

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

I have some sad news regarding my son, Pud. He got that dog in him. Please keep him in your prayers.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

After many years, my worm on a string has returned. He has grown. He has shed the string that shackled him. I fear he will slay me in my sleep.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 30/05/2026

This is my new dog, Toby. I think he’s some kind of Greyhound or Whippet. Exceptionally stupid creature. Hate him.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 12/05/2026

I caught Philippe playing with his silly strings. The authorities want to take away Philippe’s silly strings. God forbid Philippe enjoys himself.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 25/04/2026

Hi everyone, I’ve got some sad news. The Fworm is back. Best of luck to all of you.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

My homunculus, Oscar, has successfully finished his incubation. Sometimes I shake his jar really aggressively, positively rattling him. He absolutely hates it. Please congratulate Oscar.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 28/03/2026

I watched Mabel consume three entire ant colonies today. Hundreds of thousands of lives, extinguished in mere moments. A slaughter of monstrous proportions. Pretty cool, Mabel!

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 04/03/2026

This is my lovely daughter, Courtney. The worms have spread to her heart and the doctor says she can’t eat toads anymore. Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to stop her.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 19/02/2026

@panootsart.bsky.social Yobi has illegally entered my home every night this week. He keeps leaving me spelling puzzles and he scares the shit out of my dog.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 06/02/2026

This is my new exotic Pitbull. I believe he is a 2 X Pimpy and 3 X Bape mix. He ate a big bag of onions so he has a tummy ache.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 16/01/2026

A big thank you to the Make A Wish Foundation. Pigler used his wish to make David Attenborough watch as he threw a bunch of plastic bags in the ocean. Pigler isn’t even dying, he’s just a stupid pig.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 07/01/2026

I have trapped the essence of this large British man in an orb of sorts. Repeat the words “oh large British man, grant me your boon”, and you might receive his blessing. But beware, for he is fickle, and may bestow a curse.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 17/12/2025

The vile wizard turned me in to a creature of sorts. As grim as it might appear, I so enjoy retracting into my flesh shell. Feeling positive!

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 28/11/2025

No one knows how to have fun quite like Stephon. He has incurred significant liver damage due to years of substance abuse and his quality of life is irreparably diminished. Keep it up, Stephon!

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 12/11/2025

I am giving away my Persian Hooded Corpse Worm. He needs to eat three bags of premium mulch every day and I just can’t afford it anymore. Please help him find a good home.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 29/10/2025

Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 14/10/2025

Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 15/09/2025

Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 04/09/2025

Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 20/08/2025

Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 06/08/2025

Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot. Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 13/07/2025

Annabelle more than doubled her milk quota. In order to prevent wastage, each of my followers may take one large sip from the communal milk through. You cannot refuse the sip.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 03/07/2025

Visited g-paw at the old folks home. He says the staff aren’t feeding him. Maybe if he didn’t tell so many lies, he would be in this facility in the first place. Disgusting old coot.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 23/06/2025

I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 11/06/2025

I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 28/05/2025

Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 08/05/2025

Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 27/04/2025

Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 16/04/2025

Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 28/03/2025

You have all been so very kind me. To thank you all, I will be releasing Boris for 12 hours. During this time, you may each pick a child for Boris to hunt and destroy ☺️.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 22/03/2025

I hate making serious posts but I’m in a bit of a pickle and it can’t hurt to ask. Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon! Sharing this post is hugely appreciated. ko-fi.com/crabcreatures

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 20/03/2025

Maurice ate two dozen oysters at the seafood buffet and threw up on the carpet. We both refuse to clean it up. It is festering.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 11/03/2025

The vile wizard turned me into a slug. I’m not hating it. I can eat as much dirt as I want without getting a bad tummy, and I can stick to more surfaces. Yet to see a downside tbh.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

Jennifer has been charged with arson and destruction of government property after she set fire to a police cruiser in the parking lot of her local Pizza Hut. She is utterly remorseless because she is, in fact, a clam.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 25/02/2025

I took Gina out berry picking with me today. The little rascal ate a handful of raspberries and about 6 squirrels.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 20/02/2025

No funny crouching man this week because sick. I substitute art for picture of my dog. Her name is Bilbo and she is stupid ugly stupid idiot stupid.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 13/02/2025

Which one of you disgusting cretins told Jessica about the ocean? Now it’s all she talks about. I refuse to give her more than one bottle of Dasani per day.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

I found this bat on my property so I sprayed it with poison. Now I’m in trouble because she was “endangered” and “highly intelligent” and “capable of complex emotions and higher cognition”.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 25/01/2025

This man peer-pressured me into eating a bug and unbeknownst to me recorded the whole ordeal. If you see the video report it IMMEDIATELY. Do NOT share the video of me eating the bug.

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Crab Creatures @crabcreatures.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

I’m pretty much exclusively using this app going forward. If I followed you on the hell-website and don’t follow you here, please let me know. If you don’t know me. Me am crab. Me make crouching men.

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