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Shut the hell up

@cowaboing.bsky.social
67 followers 32 following 911 posts

You don’t play professional banana ball

PostsRepliesMedia
Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 2h
When you live in a townhouse and your neighbor with 5 kids whips out 12 skeletons for Halloween it’s like. Now I know exactly how much space you’re working with in that house and either you have a tunnel system or those kids all share a room bc their dad didn’t think 10 skeletons was enough
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 2h
Imagine you come home from a long hard day of work and when you get home your girlfriend laughs at you and says “why are you dressed like a cholo”
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
“And the fish, I suppose, were full of fish happiness”
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
You can tell by the gleba it’s a wrinkly stinkhorn
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Banana ball player is a new gender that feels really special to me
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Unfortunately for everyone in my life I have discovered banana ball
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Sorry I was late to work I witnessed a natural phenomenon
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Beautiful and fat hog about to be jettisoned to the burbs
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Appoint me to secretary of defense and I will make SURE there is Mae Ploy in every grocery store
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Living in an area where every gym nearby has the review “the worst or second worst location of [chain gym] I’ve ever been to” is tough bc worst or second worst is all I’m working with so please compare them to each other
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
The fact the fish emulsion fertilizer and tamarind paste look and smell basically the same had the potential to be ruinous but it’s actually just made fish emulsion far more tolerable
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
My life’s great delight is when normal people understand they can say their strangest phrases and thoughts to me yes! Yes! I’m the audience you’ve been looking for to do an impression of a medieval peasant at the Apple Store to
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Blessed be my dragon is happy with or without his hoard (he doesn’t know about tucking his tail in)
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
How many rebar spikes to the shin can a boy take
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
If my groundhog live trap catches some meddling mouse by which I mean rat I stg
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
You mean the company that pioneered the idea of ai use in the US military is now saying that could be catastrophic for all militaries to have access to it?? If only everyone in the world knew that already and yall just wanted more money
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
So much news about anthropic insiders saying “10% chance ai kills all humans by 2030” like did ai tell you that? Shut the hell up and sell your tech stocks for the cause if you mean it
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Seriously when I need a laugh I just think of my gf asking if I could do a push up with her on my back and her saying she “really thinks I could” and I had to explain I definitely can’t even do Up with her on my back
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Roommate and gf decided he’d be best in a hairdye commercial gf in a perfume commercial and I would be on a commercial for Dr. scholls which I don’t even wear
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
My beautiful 70’s projected days keep getting turned to 90’s as they get closer sisyphusian end of summer hell
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Ok great
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
3 cop at the doors in 2months last night answered and just kept brushing my teeth while he told me what was up (roommates car stolen from in front of our house)
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
It’s just like when they say the name of the movie
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Blaming my bad bedtime on my gf and my roommate staying downstairs to watch live George Michael performances while I get ready for bed
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Every day time I check the weather where my aunt lives in Ireland the aqi is 2 which I don’t think I’ve ever breathed in my life
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Welcome to my catalpa moth sanctuary. Unfortunately for them and fortunately for me they will bring parasitoid wasps with them
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Well this is the first celebrity death I’ve ever shed a real tear over. Rip legend
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Type of shit I’m looking up after my gf and I get done have a 20 minute “argument”
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Trying to convince my gf to call me her “special guest” instead of partner ever since she accidentally called me that trying to say a pet name on the spot
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
I can’t believe I ever wore foundation or concealer and no matter what happens with my skin I think I shall go the rest of my life without which is a huge relief
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Im pet sitting a scared dog who is incredibly scared of me and ive been given treats with vitamins in them to ingratiate myself This is a job for a cheeseburger
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Can I make my plate unreadable to camera but readable to human by putting some fire hydrants between the characters or something
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Losefully employed
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Two people I’d really like to check in with are the sole survivor of the indian airlines crash and the woman who from what I recall single handedly got breakdancing removed from the Olympics
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
I legally have to go to court as a witness for a crime that if it had only affected me I would’ve said “whateva” waste of my precious time
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
New York city!!!!!
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Combo of the summer looks even better with purple top vervain but I got locked out of my phone :/ butterfly on my vervain for imagining
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
US banned the import of roombas bc the government want to do all the sucking 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Extremely depressing motel on my way to work now has a marquee sign in front of it that says “Hell Summer” (presumably once hello summer)
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
What’s the right amount of time to wait to respond that makes me not seem greedy for 75$ (I am)
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Seen 2 cars today with baby on board and new driver stickers and let’s just say the new driver sticker is not older than the baby on board sticker
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
I hope it’s okay to say kind of gross stuff on here but everytime I see how often people get Botox/filler touch ups I think about how every few weeks I’ll be like. Okay. Not having free time is no longer an excuse for not cutting your toenails
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Lost stranger joined us on our hike today and we had a seriously fun time immediately could make fun of eachother and at the end didn’t ask for me or my gfs number just said “well, we’ll probably never see eachother again” king shit fr
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Many people online have a relationship with the sun, sunscreen, sunglasses, and seed oil that tells me immediately that they work indoors
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Bhringaraj and broad leaf plantain are everywhere in my garden but I’m tragically not an herbalist and they are therefore weeds to me 😔
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Every variation of a “measure twice cut once” joke is funny to me
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Congress passed a bipartisan bill to fund the construction of affordable housing bc we will literally do anything but try to make those 15 million vacant homes affordable housing
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
How it feels as a reformed people pleaser for people to start describing you as straightforward
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
“On my way!” When you are leaving in 5 is nothing to me bc my moms “be there in 10” is 2 hours
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Shut the hell up @cowaboing.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Playing Hell simulator
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