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Comstar Helpdesk

@comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social

189 followers 4 following 246 posts

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Thanks to the discovery of lostech in the Helm memory core, all further briefings and orders are to be delivered using the power of HitClips. As such please limit such briefings to 60 seconds or less.

An image of the Tiger HitClips music player and three cartridges.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

True stealth isn't ECM or stealth armour or Chameleon LPS, it's piloting a mech so utterly forgettable it vanishes from the minds of your opponent. Pic unrelated. See, you've already forgotten about it.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

So if anyone asks, the Mad Cat was an inferior clone of the Rakshasa, which was TOTALLY in development by 2940, and you can't prove otherwise, right? What are you, the cops? Get out of my house!

Lineart of the Battletech Rakshasa mech.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

The reason the Word of Blake lost was putting too much faith in the Omegas.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

The Alpha Wolf is what you get when you introduce the warrior caste to the Omegaverse. That shit was like catnip.

Lineart of the Battletech Alpha Wolf mech.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

One of the Clanner guys was being transphobic yesterday so we stuck him in the Siren protomech to give him gender dysphoria.

Lineart image of the Siren protomech from Battletech. It has the visage of a blow up sex doll.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

Offered without comment.

A Dasher battletech mech runs through an open door. A sms message is visible above saying "Hi Anastasius, Your Doordasher has arrived with a batchall!"

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 06/07/2026

Archival image of the Comstar Invader Galaxy. (Huntress, 3060, colourised)

A photograph of a football player raising a Uno reverse card to an umpire who is issuing the player with a red card.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 27/05/2026

An ancient Kurita haiku on the matter:

Traditional style art of a cherry blossom branch with the haiku

It’s not DNS
There’s no way it’s DNS
It was DNS

-SSBroski

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 20/05/2026

So the salvage teams picked over all the good stuff, but I found a bunch of small lasers nobody wanted:

A battlemech record sheet showing what is, frankly, a crime. It has twenty clan ER small lasers, runs 13 hexes with MASC and supercharger, and is heat neutral. Stare into the light and see the face of an uncaring god.

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

An image of the Microsoft "Clippy" mascot saying "Hi, it looks like you're trying to issue a batchall" in a yes/no prompt

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 11/05/2026

It’s normally illegal to share images of the ComStar Helpdesk Command Centre but this is where you find me posting from:

A photo labelled “Burger King Internet corner, New York (1998) and below that is an image of a long row of very 90’s looking PCs in a very 90’s looking Burger King.

There is a comment afterwards from user Andr3jH saying “Imagine monitoring the situation from the Burger King internet corner”

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 08/05/2026

FROM: hr@twycross.hpg.local TO: all-staff@twycross.hpg.local Seriously team, I thought we’d discussed this after the lube incident. Do you know how expensive and wasteful it was to ship a 55 gallon drum from THARKAD to TWYCROSS!?

A screencap of an Amazon listing for a 55 gallon drum of personal lubricant. The image shows a rather humorous scene of a woman sitting inside a giant blue barrel labelled “PASSION”

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 08/05/2026

FROM: hr@twycross.hpg.local TO: all-staff@twycross.hpg.local Please note that shipments to stations behind Clan lines are very limited, and personal items (and especially VERY personal items) are banned from these packages.

An open Amazon box showing a Battletech book, post shave balm, and a very large bottle of Swiss Navy toy and body cleaner

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Comstar Helpdesk @comstarhelpdesk.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

In light of things kicking off in Tukayyid shortly:

Image of mech pilot in bulky neurohelmet captioned "Bitch there is no honorable batchall here, this is the inner sphere, you're getting jumped"

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