iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 15/09/2025

// Keep your head high, friend.

The Sphere in Las Vegas, but it's Gowron

The Sphere in Las Vegas, but it's Gowron and holy shit what is happening?!

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 04/05/2025

It is Laser Sword Day in the gym! We brought extra first aid kits for the occasion!

Coach Gowron holding a bat'leth made of lightsabers. May the Brute Force be with you.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 27/04/2025

Coach Gowron and Nagus at the Movies: Little Shop of Horrors (1986): Human nerd flowerologist Seymour nurtures a plant with a thirst for blood. There's a surprisingly accurate depiction of Klingon dentistry. 4/5 bat'leths, but only because the plant reminds me of Meemaw. @ferengirules.bsky.social

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 13/03/2025

// What does it all mean? Tune in Friday, March 14 at 3:14 EDT to find out.

Matthew McConaughey, looking contemplative, sitting in a cafe window while rain beats down steadily outside. The Pi symbol appears in a bright white font in front of him. What does it all mean? Tune in Friday, March 14 at 3:14 EDT to find out.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 15/02/2025

Alright, which one of you left this in the anonymous Suggestion Box outside the gym? It is in poor taste.

Star Trek DS9 trading card with the title Gowron Fakes His Death, and a picture of Gowron, um, dying.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 16/01/2025

I'm assembling a crew for our most ambitious heist yet. Who's in?

Coach Gowron's Cookie Heist. Pictured: Cousin Nu'Daq holding a bat'leth, Lawrence Fishburne wearing a child's Spock helmet, Coach Gowron as Neo, and Ensign Amens as Trinity

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 13/01/2025

It is time for the annual Nacho Cheese Swim Meet, where the finest athletes compete against each other, the clock, and viscosity itself! Due to last year's unfortunate incident, no outside tortilla chips will be permitted in the venue.

Coach Gowron standing in front of an outdoor swimming pool that appears to be filled with yellow liquid cheese. He is wearing a bulbous blue Speedo swim cap with a large dripping blob of nacho cheese on it. He is also wearing swim goggles, has a red lifeguard whistle clenched in his teeth, and is holding a red lifeguard floatation pontoon. Behind him in the swimming pool the top half of Morn's head is emerging from the queso, with cheese covering the top of his head and dripping down his face.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 05/01/2025

Aggressive reminder that today's bonspiel begins promptly at noon! We WILL clear the house! We WILL hurry hard!

Coach Gowron at a curling rink throwing a yellow stone.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 04/01/2025

Due to Brad's incompetence with the transporter I appear to have been converted to a 2000s-era Earth web animation character. I am furious. How long must I wait for The Cheat O'Brien to fix this mess?

Coach Gowron rendered as a cartoon character in the style of Coach Z from Homestar Runner. He is green with a white face with only bulbous eyes and a mustache and triangle beard. On his chest is a very large medallion with the letter G on it. He has a backwards ballcap and is holding up both arms in a kind of shrug. In his left hand he holds a cartoon bat'leth. In the background is a school gym slightly out of focus.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 03/01/2025

Hockey Regionals are this weekend! We will go hard to the net, take the body, work hard in the corners, and defeat those glorified beer leaguers from Duras High! Qapla'!

Coach Gowron wearing a hockey helmet and holding a hockey stick with a rink in the background. On the boards in the background is an ad for Kaga's Gagh Hut.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 02/01/2025

Don't miss this issue, though it is strangely buttock-focused this month for some reason.

Magazine cover titled 'Space Gym Explorer' featuring Chief O'Brien getting a makeover via transporter beam. Headlines include topics like 'Transporter Body Sculpting: Worth the Horrifying Risks?', 'Logical Leg Day: Get a Dump Truck Like Tuvok', and 'Dr. Soong's Positronic Butt Implants'. Other articles include telepathic gym etiquette, supplement recalls, and top replicator recipes.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 27/12/2024

Coach Gowron Reviews Atari Adventure. Cutting edge graphics allow you to really feel like you are a mighty square. Ducks can be slain with your little arrow, but watch out for the bat thing! It will steal your arrow at the worst time! The best thing about the game is the fireworks when you win.

Coach Gowron, seen from behind, is sitting on the floor in front of an 80s-era TV with an Atari 2600 attached to it. A stack of Atari cartridges and a joystick are on the red carpet in front of him On screen is the classic game Atari Adventure.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 26/12/2024

Happy Boxing Day to those of the pugilist faith. May your fisticuffs be boisterous and invigorating.

A sepia toned photograph of a 19th century boxer with Gowron's head.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 26/12/2024

You're not gonna believe this...

A choir on stage, wearing black formal attire and singing. Coach Gowron is in the middle row on the left, also wearing a tuxedo, and belting out a tune that can be heard all the way to Sto'vo'kor

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 25/12/2024

Aggressive reminder to be festive today! Let nothing stand in your way toward merriment! Also the gym is closed for fumigation today.

A festive Christmas-themed gift-wrapped item shaped like a bat'leth, adorned with green wrapping paper featuring Santa Claus patterns and a shiny green bow on top. A small tag attached reads: "To: Chief O'Brien From: Santa." The scene is set on a wooden table surrounded by decorative elements like pine branches, ornaments, and wrapped presents, adding a cozy holiday vibe.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 23/12/2024

Whether it's crushing an enemy on the field of glorious battle, or sewing plush toys for disadvantaged kids, get you a warrior who can do both.

Coach Gowron standing in what appears to be a school sewing and crafts room, clutching four teddy bears in front of him.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 22/12/2024

Tis the season, apparently!

Post from a redacted user reading "I don't give a shit about self improvement so I'm blocking you!" Heartbreaking.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 22/12/2024

Give the gift of self-improvement this holiday season!

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 20/12/2024

Who else is prepared for the rave this weekend? the dance fighting will be glorious!

Coach Gowron in a dark room holding a bat'leth made out of lightsabers

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 19/12/2024

Catastrophe! Our Borg Cube Adventure Holodeck field trip has gone horribly wrong, and some of the parent chaperones have been assimilated! Don't worry Molly, I will protect you from the horrifying thing your father has become!

Chief O'Brien as a Borg drone, standing in the corridor of a Borg cube with drone pod bays behind him. He is wearing Borg armor and has a green glowing implant over his right eye. His right hand has been replaced with a plunger and his left hand has been replaced with a red pipe wrench. A large key ring is attached to his waist.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 16/12/2024

I've been summoned to Jury Duty. In preparation I have viewed the ancient Earth film "Twelve Angry Men." Amateurs! I vow to exhibit enough anger for twelve all by myself!

Coach Gowron wearing red judge rivers and a black judge hat, parodying Q from Star Trek The Next Generation. He sits on a wooden throne with decorative animals carved on its posts. He scowls judgementally toward presumably the rest of the courtroom.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 15/12/2024

Disaster! Our holiday performance of Cats With Bat'leths has been cancelled after rumors of a "Butthole" version spread and parents complained! I refuse to sacrifice my artistic vision, let alone anatomical accuracy.

A poster for Cats With Bat'leths. It is a parody of the iconic Cats musical poster, with yellow cats eyes on a black background and the title underneath in a handprinted font. Under the eyes is an upturned Klingon bat'leth that gives the appearance of a smile. Blood drips from the right tip of the bat'leth. Inside the yellow eyes is a silhouette of dancing cats holding Bat'leths. At the bottom of the poster is the text "Directed by Coach Gowron" and in smaller text "Musical arrangement by Mr. Groovy"

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 14/12/2024

Somebody unplugged my fax machine overnight and I missed this morning's joke transmission from my old community college buddy Squi. Exploring my legal options now.

Parody of a Better Call Saul advertisement with black and red text on a yellow background that reads: in legal trouble? Better Call Quark. Shuttle accident. War crimes. Slip & fall. Transporter accidents. D.U.I. Latinum fraud. Ransom. Parking tickets. Flower bed trespassing. Drug dealing. Space station plumbing disaster. Sue 'em now! On the right is a black and white illustration of Quark smiling and pointing toward the camera. A red bar on the bottom has the following text in yellow: Not toll free (505) 503-4455 Se habla Espanol.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 14/12/2024

One of these. I can kind of see the resemblance.

Mugato from Star Trek. Basically a dude in a white gorilla suit with a horn sticking out of the top of his head.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 13/12/2024

Aggressive reminder that practice for the upcoming end of term concert is tonight! Yes, we will be doing Jingle Bells. Yes, the Batman Smells version. I have all the signed permission slips, so let nothing stand in our way!

Coach Gowron stands with arms raised, holding a quivering conductor's baton in his left hand (which is the incorrect hand for a conductor, but Klingons are built different). Behind him are rows of empty seats, indicating that he is facing the stage. He is wearing a white bowtie, and in front of him is a music stand.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 12/12/2024

I have been lovingly recreated in the medium of stop-motion animation for a heartwarming holiday adventure.

Parody artwork styled after the cover of the 1970 stop-motion film Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. The image features three characters: Kris Kringle, dressed in red Santa-like attire, holding hands with the Winter Warlock, a tall figure in a flowing icy blue robe with a white beard. To their left Coach Gowron as a Funko Pop-style figure, wearing a 'COACH' hat and wielding a dodgeball menacingly. The text at the bottom reads, 'Off to slay the Burgermeister Meisterburger,' in bold red font.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 11/12/2024

I am substituting for the grade 11 math teacher who mathed too hard and ended up in a parallel universe. While we await Mr. Surak's return, I will teach the children all about that most glorious of all shapes, the triangle!

Gowron smiling broadly and wearing nerdy black rimmed glasses. Nerdy but honorable!

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 10/12/2024

// Was it this one by any chance?

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 10/12/2024

Signed copies available from the back of Nu'Daq's van. Maybe just buy one from your local bookstore instead.

Book cover in the style of the infamous "Dummies" reference books, titled "Fitness for petaQs". The yellow cover features a black and white cartoon drawing of Coach Gowron holding a dagger and smiling menacingly. A speech bubble above his head reads "Victory is temporary. Fitness is eternal!"

The teaser above the title reads "Gloriously revised! Your guide to strengthening your pathetic body!"

Under the title the text reads: "First Imperial Edition

A reference for the rest of us!

Coach Gowron, Coach
Elmsdale High School Gym Teacher

Doug Westmore, PhD
Sector 001 School Board President

Brad, Human Intern
Human Intern"

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 08/12/2024

As we approach the holiday season, I have once again hung this up in the gym, to encourage the children to think about their behaviour and life choices.

A Christmas wreath hung against a white wood panelled wall. Along the bottom in bright red and green are the words "Chief on a Wreath." In the middle of the wreath is an action figure of Chief O'Brien from Deep Space Nine. He is wearing an elf hat and a shoulder harness, and holding janitorial accessories: a ring of keys and a large plunger.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 07/12/2024

Coach Gowron Library Book Reviews: A Christmas Carol. A Ferengi businessman is haunted by holiday spirits who attempt to remind him of his honor. Scrooge should have slain the demons who attacked him. 3/5 K’t’inga’s. Glory to Tiny Tim! Also, Librarians are true warriors! Honor them!

Coach Gowron sitting in a chair in front of a fireplace decorated with wreaths, candles, a Christmas stocking, and Christmas tree. In his hand he's holding a copy of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 06/12/2024

If Santa has any courage and honor he will leave one of these under the tree for you this year.

Coach Gowron's Nerf Child's Bat'leth. Red Nerf toy in a Bat'leth pattern.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 05/12/2024

Aggressive reminder to start your morning with a hearty motivational breakfast!

Coach Gowron on a Wheaties box with the tag Wheaties Champion. Coach is wearing a ballcap with the word Coach on it and holding a clipboard with Grade 10 Pickleball written on it.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 03/12/2024

When I press this button you will forget that you were ever a Nickelback fan.

Coach Gowron wearing a Men in Black suit with sunglasses and holding a memory erasing thingy.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 02/12/2024

On this week's podcast: Garak joins us to talk codpieces; Chief O'Brien's 5 Best drain snakes on the market (#4 will shock you!); True crime stories with Nu'Daq; Brad Sightings, and more!

Coach Gowron in a recording booth wearing large black headphones with a black headband. In front of him is a large microphone.

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 01/12/2024

It is time for everyone's favorite Christmas movie.

Parody of the Die Hard poster. On the right hand side is Coach Gowron's face half in darkness (where Bruce Willis's face is in the original poster). In the center is an office building being attacked by a Klingon Bird of Prey with an explosion (the Praxis explosion from Star Trek VI) radiating from the top.

The poster text is:
40 STORIES OF HONOR AND GLORY!
High above Starfleet Headquarters, the Romulan swim team has seized a building, taken hostages, and declared war.
One Warrior has managed to escape: an off duty Coach with nothing left to lose.
He's alone, furious, and the only chance anyone has.
COACH GOWRON
DIE HARD
TWENTY-FOURTH CENTURY FOX Presents A DOUG WESTMORE JOINT starring COACH GOWRON as COACH DIE HARD GOWRIX UTHOMA of HOUSE t'HYRA COUSIN NU'DAQ DOCTOR KITTENS ALF NAGUS score by MR. GROOVY featuring songs by MR. MISTER ventilation shaft consultant CHIEF MILES O'BRIEN caterer JIM'S COLESLAW SHACK disappointment WORF based on the rock opera DIE SLOWLY, DIE HARD by MR. MISTER

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 30/11/2024

If you never shoot for the moon, how can you hope to ever destroy it?

Inspirational poster of a starfield with a glowing blue nebula, with a translucent Coach Gowron in the lower left corner. He's wearing his Coach hat and looking up, as if contemplating the wonders of the universe. In the upper right is the following text in a green Star Trek font: You miss 100% of the disruptor shots you do not take - Gowron

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Coach Gowron @coachgowron.com · 29/11/2024

Effective communication is crucial to victory!

Old black and white newspaper print ad, featuring Coach Gowron sitting behind a desk looking serious and pensive with his chin on his hand.

In front of him on the desk is a fax machine. The paper on the fax machine reads "To: Chief From: Gowron"

The text of the ad reads:

Coach Gowron knows a thing or two about honor.

And in today's busy office environment, honor dictates that

If it's really important...
If you really care...

Send it by Fax.

Panasonic.

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