clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 07/08/2026At the concert yesterday I accidentally crop dusted a child. Didn’t even realize he was there. And obviously their faces are right at ass level 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Telling wife I love my wedding ring it’s just wayyyy too warm to wear to the equinox sauna 001
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 10/07/2026As long as you don’t stop walking and don’t make any loud noises you can basically stay at the grocery store until they close 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 22/09/2025Sabrina Carpenter makes being 4’10 in heels sound so fun 110
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 22/09/2025took too many zyns in a row. mouth tastes like blood award 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 22/09/2025yesterday i took slightly too long to unbutton my girlfriend’s weird tunic shirt thing so she started humming the Jeopardy theme 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 14/05/2025My gf was singing some unreleased Lana Del Rey and I started singing along with her and she stopped and then she called me a whore 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 13/05/2025We should let seals vote. They are extremely intelligent 030
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 13/05/2025Your girl must be a classic vine the way she rode and worked my head 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 13/05/2025I’ve ruminated a little further on this. It was not chance and never could have been. There’s no god in the NBA this shit is rigged 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 13/05/2025Dude they read that lottery ball and Cooper Flagg looked like he wanted to fucking kill himself 110
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025In college I got pink eye in both eyes from swimming in a 3 foot deep stagnant-water desert pool and then I intentionally gave it to my roommate because I hated him and he deserved to suffer 120
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025Like okay you cannot have worn this to fight people. You can’t have put this on anticipating a battle 030
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025A pear is sort of like if an apple was changed in several ways 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025Woke DC sniper: Before we proceed I would like to first acknowledge that this clocktower sits on the unceded land of the Anacostan peoples 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025When I was a child I saw the GTA 3 girl with the lollipop and got really horny but didn’t know what I was feeling so I got scared but I couldn’t stop looking at her. This basic relationship to beautiful women has remained mostly unchanged 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025Jimmy Stewart gay af for investigating a murder when Grace Kelly phat ass out like that 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 12/05/2025Oomf was driving me in her car and came in super super hot about to hit a line of cars coming to a stop and when she realized, in the moment before she stomped the brakes, she just started meowing??? 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 10/05/2025Your girl must be the McDonald’s Playplace ballpit the way she giving me hand foot and mouth 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 10/05/2025BTK played in a soft league. His game wouldn’t translate today 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 09/05/2025In college I knew a guy who told me he only bought clothing from sweatshops because impoverished sweatshop laborers needed the money the most 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 09/05/2025Warriors sign new guard <AWAYTEAMPLAYERS.PLAYER.FIRSTNAME> <AWAYTEAMPLAYERS.PLAYER.LASTNAME> 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 09/05/2025I wonder if there are like, gunner bishops who clearly want to become pope and make all the other bishops kind of uncomfortable 010
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Yeah my wife likes being degraded in the bedroom. For instance she willingly has sex with me 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025I’m a musician on the pussy. Specifically the theremin. She does not let me touch her 030
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Hey guys. Since it’s late and I’m feeling honest, I need to come clean about something. I really fw the way the Bored Ape NFTs looked. Nah I’m just fucking with you but wouldn’t that be crazy 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025If you’re a good and attendant guest at the aquarium they let you take one of the worse fishes home 2232
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025I don’t post my gf on here because you guys don’t deserve to look at her 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025When he goes back to the streets of Boston Jason Tatum is gonna get called a slur not heard by human ears since the early 1700s 020
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Could really do without the constant commercials for “whole-body deodorant” a product I have never understood nor wanted to understand 130
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Google search is Julia Louis-Dreyfus related to Alfred Dreyfus 110
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 07/05/2025How it feels to take significantly more than the recommended amount of NyQuil 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 07/05/2025Leaving the positive Covid test out as environmental storytelling 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 07/05/2025Hey man how’s it flowing. I mean you’re glowing. I mean how’s it going 000
clayton @claayton.bsky.social · 06/05/2025Got covid out at the bars this weekend 😭😭😭 end my shit fam 110
