iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Who You’re Becoming got a rare starred review from Publishers Weekly!

Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

How long will this take? may be one of the most common questions I’ve heard over 25 years of counseling leaders. But speed confuses the immediacy of grace with the slow work of becoming. The first question is Can I stay in the discomfort long enough to be changed through it?

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Deep character change that goes beyond image management takes a long time for all of us—and for leaders, recognizing the depth of their self deceit and their harm of others often takes much longer. It’s measured in years and decades – not weeks and months. #WhoYoureBecoming

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

The quick turnarounds we see in the stories of leaders who abused, malpracticed or betrayed those entrusted to them is often framed as God’s “grace,” but it really reflects the drive-through spirituality of our time.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Divided hearts foment division. Whole hearts seek wholeness, reconciliation, connection. who are we becoming? who are we asking to lead us?

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

You can address health and see some good change, even in a matter of weeks and months. But significant character change is measured not in months but years. And we too often don't have the patience for that, particularly after significant moral failures. #WhoYoureBecoming

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

While we've rightly worked to prioritize emotional and spiritual health within church spaces over the past twenty years, we've often neglected character.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

The roots of our contemporary reckoning with narcissistic leadership.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

What we give our attention to not only shapes our brain, it shapes our character. Renewed character begins with a basic curiosity: What am I paying attention to? Our attention becomes our habits. Our habits reveal our loves. And over time, what we behold is what we become. #WhoYoureBecoming

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

If you’ve been following some of what I’ve been writing about character formation, you can join the launch team for my new book 🌱 Who You’re Becoming 🌱 Early access to the digital manuscript, along with some other gifts. I’d love to have you. bit.ly/WhoYoureBeco...

bit.ly

Thank you for your interest in Chuck DeGroat's book, Who You're Becoming, which is releasing on October 20th from Tyndale House Publishers. Author Chuck DeGroat invites us to return to the humble wo...

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

You might be surprised by what I named as the worst scandal I’ve witnessed in 30 years of ministry. At a time when nearly every day seems to bring the exposure of yet another leader, perhaps we need to look a bit deeper. Something is fueling this. sitwithchuck.substack.com/p/the-worst-...

sitwithchuck.substack.com

The Worst Scandal I've Seen In 30 Years

And Why a Reckoning of Character is Desperately Needed

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

More Ted Lasso… Less toxicity.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

The Book of Esther never mentions God’s name. And yet, God is undeniably present. I sometimes wonder whether our too many words about God can actually get in the way.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

I often get questions like, “What makes a counseling session Christian?” and “How do you integrate psychology and theology?” Sometimes, just to be provocative, I offer what I call my “integration according to the Book of Esther” perspective. 1/2

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

Fauxnerabilty is what happens when we disclose to soothe our nervous systems rather than to be truly known. Fauxnerability is what happens when honest words are performative rather than a manifestation of authentic presence.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

Fauxnerability is what happens when we learn the language of healing but stop short of the surrender healing requires. Fauxnerability is what happens when we become experts in talking about suffering without having experienced the dark night.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

More challenging than building a platform, multiplying followers, or planting a flag for a cause is growing in character. And we’re seeing the cost of elevating arrogance, rewarding pride, and bolstering bullies. #WhoYoureBecoming

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

Deep character change requires specificity. It’s one thing to confess, “I’m a sinner.” It’s another to name the ways you silence, manipulate, avoid, shame, or wound the people closest to you. Transformation begins when we move from abstract confession to concrete ownership.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

Deep transformation and lasting character change can’t be hacked or fast-tracked. Personalities and behaviors formed over decades don’t shift overnight. I see too many leaders today who aren’t "slow-formed"—and their immaturity is causing real harm. #WhoYoureBecoming

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Character matters, no matter what political party you’re in, what denomination or network you belong to, or what theology you espouse. It’s time character begins to matter again - particularly for people of faith. #WhoYoureBecoming

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 03/07/2026

What makes leaders and nations great? Today, I'm allowing St Gregory the Great (6th c) to shape my reflections. His wasn't the way of making himself or nations great. It was servus servorum Dei— to become "the servant of the servants of God.” open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

open.substack.com

An Ancient Antidote to Narcissism

Where I'm Seeking Wisdom in a World Obsessed With Power

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

We often say “please forgive me” to relieve our own anxiety rather than repair the relationship. Before asking for forgiveness, try asking: “Would you help me understand how I’ve hurt you?” Real repair begins with understanding the wound, not rushing the process.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

“I’ve found my voice” can either reflect rootedness and differentiation or autonomic reactivity. The challenge is learning to discern the difference: Is my voice emerging from freedom and grounded conviction, or from pain and protest?

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

There is a growing hunger in psychological spaces for spirituality. What was once severed is now sought after, not least because what we're discovering is that communion is our deepest hunger. We're arriving at a contemplative psychology. We're returning to the heart of it all.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

Let’s talk about grace. shorturl.at/bswfV

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

After a lifetime steeped in Christian faith and 25+ years immersed in psychology, I often hear a common starting question – what’s wrong with you? It’s helped me immensely both to recognize and listen for a different question, the first one God asks in scripture: Where are you?

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Sin is not a word count. You don’t show that you take it seriously by using the word a lot. You demonstrate in action. And there is no need to pit this conversation on trauma and our ways of coping against the reality of sin. My thoughts: open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

open.substack.com

Is it Sin or a Style of Coping?

How Doing The Deep Work of the Heart Requires Both

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

IT NARCISSISM OR IS IT SOMETHING ELSE? Sometimes what looks like narcissism may actually be emotional immaturity, insecurity, stress and burnout, neurodivergence, or another personality adaptation altogether. A short video for you. www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8rX...

youtube.com

Is it narcissism or is it something else?

YouTube video by Chuck DeGroat

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 09/06/2026

Character growth is reflected in our ability to stay regulated when confronted with hard truths about ourselves. Rather than reacting with shame, defensiveness, appeasement, avoidance, rationalization, or minimization, we can remain connected—to ourselves, to others, and to reality.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

After about 15 years of discerning if I should do it, I’m finally sharing some free videos with a range of content on YouTube. I’ll keep adding. All free. I’d be grateful if you subscribed. YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/@SoulCareCol...

youtube.com

Chuck DeGroat

We're NEW here! Welcome to Soul Care Collaborative with Chuck DeGroat (PhD, LPC) — a space where ancient spiritual wisdom, relational neuroscience, and spiritual formation come together in the journ...

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 20/04/2026

May I live this day Compassionate of heart, Clear in word, Gracious in awareness, Courageous in thought, Generous in love. —John O’Donohue

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 03/04/2026

On this day that undoes self-exaltation, I’m reflecting on when narcissism comes to…therapy. open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 18/03/2026

This passage is with me this morning as I’m traveling down to Kentucky amidst O’Hare’s inevitable delays for a handful of talks on wholeheartedness, narcissism, trauma, and more. Slower. Shaky. Stumbling. I feel seen.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 15/03/2026

Our nervous systems evolved to respond to what is close and immediate. Today they’re asked to absorb suffering from across the globe. Do you feel the weight of this? open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

open.substack.com

The Weight of the World in Our Nervous Systems

Why constant exposure to global suffering overwhelms your capacity to care—and how to keep your heart open

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 08/03/2026

“Survival strategies eventually become morally consequential. What once helped us survive can eventually wound us—and the people around us.” open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

open.substack.com

Is it Sin or a Style of Coping?

How Doing The Deep Work of the Heart Requires Both

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 26/02/2026

Six years in the making and worth the wait—When Narcissism Comes to Church is now out in Spanish!

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

We have so much more language for emotional and spiritual health today compared to when I was trained in the mid 1990s, but it’s given us another place to hide, I suspect.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

One of the things I explore in my next book on character formation is how so many of us who talk about “self-awareness“ are, paradoxically, so lacking in self-awareness.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

25 years later, I’m watching it.

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 12/02/2026

Years ago I taught an adult education class through the Book of Revelation. Going back through my teaching notes, I found this: What would a Christianity look like without the Beatitudes, the fruits of the spirit, the Christ hymn of Philippians 2, and the economic critique of Revelation 18?

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 11/02/2026

What have I learned working with narcissistic men for nearly three decades? That defenses don’t soften through pressure. They soften through presence. That we’ve got to create the right conditions for deep change. Read more: open.substack.com/pub/sitwithc...

open.substack.com

Creating the Conditions for Deep Change

Why Safety Matters More Than Confrontation in My Work With Narcissistic Men

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 02/02/2026

AUTONOMIC BULLYING happens when we presume authority over another person’s internal state and insist they override their embodied reality to meet our expectations. It treats dysregulation as moral failure rather than embodied reality. sitwithchuck.substack.com/p/autonomic-...

sitwithchuck.substack.com

Autonomic Bullying

How the Science of the Nervous System Invites Us to Honor Ourselves and Each Other

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Chuck DeGroat @chuckdegroat.bsky.social · 25/01/2026

Gaslighting is telling someone that what they know to be true — what they can see with their own two eyes — is false.

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