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Chris Merkel

@chrismerkel.bsky.social
978 followers 1.3K following 876 posts

cybersecurity leader, teller of cautionary tales, career dev helper Professional alt, unprofessional posts. Deep Cut Industry Shitposts on Masto: @chrismerkel@infosec.exchange

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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 8h
If these bitch assess could engineer a llm capable of running inside my refrigerator their corporations would be profitable
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
RAISES SERIOUS QUESTION OH NO YOUVE REACHED THE DEFCON 1 OF FECKLESSNESS
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Reposted by Chris Merkel
da share z0ne @dasharez0ne.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
DAMB IT - dashare.zone ADMIN
A SKELITON AT THERE COMPUTER " CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT LOOK UP MORE COOL SHIT WHEN THE INTERNET STILL WORKED" ,,, THE FUNNYEST THING ABOUT A SOCIETY IN DECLINE IS YOU DONT REALLY EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN TO YOU AND WHEN IT DOES IT FEEL'S LIKE A PERSONAL OFFENSE, WE WATCHED COMPUTERS AND NET GET BETTER AND BETTER FOR SO MANY YEARS THAT IT SEEMED OBVIOUS IT WOULD CONTINUE, WHY WOULD THINGS GET BAD ON PURPOSE, HOW CAN YOU MAKE MORE MONEY WITH WORSE PRODUCT'S , WELL THEY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO IT , THEY SOLD OUR COMMUNITYS AND RESOURCES UP THE DAMB RIVER TO MAKE A FEW MORE TRILLION'S, AND WHAT CAN THEY EVEN BUY WITH IT, OBVIOUSLY NOT THE ABILITY TO ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE IN PEACE - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN BBUT IM STILL KICKEN A$$ AND ADDING CUSS WORD'S TO MY GOGGLE SEARCHES SO THEY DONT SHOW ME AI SHIT !!!! - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 12/10/2026
It's so fucking infuriating. Yes, I would like it if my family also read the times, but they don't. It's just me, my 3 regular computers I use, my iPad and my phone.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Folds in the jacket
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
- Observe the threat actor curb stomping your fortinet - Orient everyone to determine what you should do - Decide to initiatie incident response processes - Act to send bitcoin and breach notifications because you were OODing around with your thumb up your ass.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Pashing Smumpkins
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
"Everything the light touches is the CTO's ego. What's that dark corner over there? That's the CISOs office, you must never go there"
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Some days are harder than others when it comes to not victim shaming
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I don't think people are focusing on the positive uses for this
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
they do this for two reasons: 1. delusion: they really think it's conscious because they're in a freaky cult. 2. training: your conversations are all used as training data. they must have found that people have inflected real psychological damage and are having trouble unwinding it
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I don't like more money going to OpenAI or Anthropic but on balance, hope they soak Musk for being an aggro ween.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
youtube.com/shorts/myvbT...
youtube.com
The Midwest Confessional #shorts
YouTube video by Charlie Berens
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Yes The ghost of Bob Uecker vs The Pope
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
You have a new mission this Thanksgiving when you get to your parent's house.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I am now leaving work for the day having been triggered to relive the trauma of running down the street after a BellSouth truck at 2 AM because the tech said the service address and the numbers on the building didn't match.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
9 pin bowling was gambling, ten pin was family fun.
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Reposted by Chris Merkel
da share z0ne @dasharez0ne.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
NO ITS NOT LMAO - dashare.zone ADMIN
A SKELITON "AI IS BREAKING OUT OF THE COMPUTER, NO ITS NOT, AI IS HACKING THE GOVERNMENT, NO ITS NOT, AI IS SURPASSING HUMAN INTELLIGENCE, IF YOU CAN BE SURPASSEDB Y A STATISTICAL AVERAGE OF REDDIT POSTS, THATS A SKILL ISSUE MOTHER FUCKER - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
static.klipy.com
Ned Flanders Skiing
ALT: Ned Flanders Skiing
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
A real no shit realization - Piker is popular only with the most terminally online liberals. Your average democrat has no idea who he is. They think he's the left's charlie or something.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
This always made the commute to work interesting. May we all aspire to have a dumptruck ass. milwaukeerecord.com/arts/r-i-p-t...
milwaukeerecord.com
R.I.P. that incredible Mrs. Incredible mural on Humboldt
Yes, that mural on the north wall of car stereo installation and window tinting joint Expert Electronics has changed.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
An AI can apologize, it cannot, however, repent.
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Reposted by Chris Merkel
Jack Cousteau ⚓️ @angrywaterman.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
You just made me tear up thanks a lot
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
wtaf is this
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
TJ Maxx is a virus
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
The reaction at the host station when my lard ass shows up to the golden corral
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Related, everyone who lives near the plant looks like this for some reason and can see through space and time
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
/cgi-bin/ and a perl script so inscrutable no amount of frontier llm can find a weak point
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Foxpro still is the most wildly performant system for small biz.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Penzeys manufacturing is quite a bit bigger than 22k sq ft, they have their own water tower.
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Reposted by Chris Merkel
James O’Loughlin @jamesoloughlin.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
02515341
Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Not sure if I want to switch to or avoid these boner pills of which you speak
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Fuck meta but also apple needs to shore up those permissions. No app should be able to do this. I would wager meta isn't the first shitty company to steal your iMessages.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
My local wash uses alpr to open the gate and select the wash level. This could easily be any preset. I think there's a huge market for people who want to dial in their specific wash parameters. Start working on the pitch deck, I already know the corp mascot will be unnervingly sexy.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I had to look up what that was. Much to my dismay "back in the day" was 2020.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Is he a pita bread?
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
what the fuck even is this
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I really think the world needs a tv show where there's some kind of alternative universe where Ronald Reagan gets elected in 2024 and the main character is a gen z Alex P Keaton
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
The magic of having two video thumbnails
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
yeah what I wasn't prepared for was my freshman in HS coming home like "welp, I got pinkeye because none of the jocks wash their hands after they take a shit"
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Don't use the free lube, it has has turnt
static.klipy.com
Mater Desperate Slurp
ALT: Mater Desperate Slurp
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
China like: 0000 1234 4321 1111 6969 <beep beep beep> DAMMIT
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I mean yeah, and if you have two different consoles, play them both at the same time like some kind of baller
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Headline also didn't mention that according to the person in the story ‘Jeff Schrag has a tiny, stinky, cock’ either, which is also protected speech, and if Jeff wants to sue in his pesonal capacity for defamation, he will need to demonstrate that his cock is neither tiny nor stinky.
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Having redundant routes is important but realize that advanced persistent quantum agent swarm backhoes are an emerging threat. Crowdstrike has classified this activity cluster JERSEY REACHAROUND
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Dude they're selling fridge cigs in ultra wides now
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Chris Merkel @chrismerkel.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Dude they're selling fridge cigs in ultra wides now
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