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chrisfritz.bsky.social

@chrisfritz.bsky.social
423 followers 132 following 573 posts
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
In 2015 I saw Ed Sheeran in concert. The show was at an open air outdoor venue there was a little bit of rain that night. When he was on stage Ed made a joke about how he was cursed that whenever he played outdoor shows it always seemed to rain. This is relevant today.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I don’t get why are mad at Trump calling Artificial Intelligence “Super Intelligence” it’s like how I’ve been calling Trump an “Orange Facist Dipshit” for the better part of a decade.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Ad copywriters writing the deepest and most complicated lore for car insurance commercials.
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Fire Writing
ALT: Fire Writing
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
A lot of stand up comedy these days is just “I’m going to say the N word without saying the N word.”
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
These days most film makers start by making the commemorative popcorn bucket and then building the film around that.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I will now sue a gas station because they ripped off my I did that sticker with Trumps face on it.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Ed Sheeran has faced more consequences for Gaza than Benjamin Netanyahu.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Sometimes I would hear conspiracy theories about how the government is run by lizard people. I didn’t believe them but Mitch McConnell would plant some doubts in my head just because he kind of looks like a lizard person.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Mitch McConnell: *is seen alive in public Me: “BOOO! Get better material!”
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
To prepare for the scene where Odysseus felt the worst pain imaginable in the world, Matt Damon was friends with Ben Affleck for 30 years.
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Odysseus cry
ALT: Odysseus cry
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
This song but it’s all the food recalls of 2026.
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Yakko Animaniacs Dancing on World Map
ALT: Yakko Animaniacs Dancing on World Map
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
We are in the golden age of staying at home and doing nothing.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Marvel: “So it’s a multiverse.” The average American: “I don’t know how to read.”
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Genie: “You have one wish.” Me: “I wish pedophilia was completely erased from existence.” Chris Hansen:
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Doc Ock Screaming in Spider-Man
ALT: Doc Ock Screaming in Spider-Man
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Transformers: Optimus Prime Injured
ALT: Transformers: Optimus Prime Injured
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
The wrong cast member of Home Alone 2 lost in New York died today.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Breaking news: Open AI sues man for thinking instead of using chat GPT. “All this thinking is cutting into our profit margins.” - Sam Altman
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Trumps first term: His hands are tiny. Trumps second term: His hands are rotting puss filled appendage from which a portal to hell will open up and devour all reality.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
When it happens can we bring back the late show with Steven Colbert.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Make lunch not war
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Okay so let me get this straight. America spent over a year reconciling with the fact that the president is a pedophile. Then we let him have these “Patriot Games” where people from all across the country sent teenagers to the president. Is anybody fucking home?
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Breaking news: nation suffers from Zendaya Derangement Syndrome
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Here’s my problem with Masters of the Universe (2026) Adam’s whole thing is that he’s not just a big guy with a sword he has empathy, kindness, and compassion. But they try to convince us that he has all these qualities because on earth he works in HR.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Honestly both the guy and the girl from obsession are kinda shitty people.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Sundays are the lords day but Mondays belong to the devil.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
“Hey let’s find something to eat.” - 90% of the Odyssey
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
At this rate scientists predict that by the year 2030 every actor in every movie will be Zendaya.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
RFK Jr has his own cooking show sounds like an SNL sketch that keeps getting pitched but they never do it.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
Breaking news: the world has gotten so weird that Weird Al Yankovic has been forced to change his name to Normal Al Yankovic.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
When you’re in the Marvel universe and you’re the construction worker that has to keep rebuilding the X Mansion.
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Safuu: Mr. Krabs Money Shower
ALT: Safuu: Mr. Krabs Money Shower
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Anya Taylor Joy when Anya Taylor Sadness walks in
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Vince McMahon at WWE Event Reaction
ALT: Vince McMahon at WWE Event Reaction
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
Now that the Odyssey is out we can have hot Od summer.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
They call it the Odyssey because it’s odd and it takes place at sea.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
Every once in a while I watch a comedy special from a comedian who lives in a complete alternate reality from our own.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Breaking news: the Batman part II delayed to February 18 3028
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
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Dancing Coffin Pallbearers Funeral Dance
ALT: Dancing Coffin Pallbearers Funeral Dance
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
The Mitch McConnell death coverup is just practice for the upcoming Donald Trump death coverup.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
I’m fine with Idiocracy being a documentary but I draw the line at Warhammer 40k being a documentary.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
“Fuck all y’all, I’m putting the Nazi tattoo back.” - Graham Platner
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
They heard Mitch McConnell is pro life so now they’re pumping life through his veins whether he likes it or not.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Chuds will see that Supergirl didn’t make money at the box office and try to convince people that’s why women don’t deserve the right to vote.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
As a life long Star Wars fan I was a little disappointed when I saw a headline about the horror duo Obsession and Backrooms outperforming the Mandalorian and Grogu. But I think there’s something we can learn from this phenomenon.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
If you ever think your life is hard remember there are some people that need entire cults just to have sex.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Honestly it might take another 250 years to recover from all the shit that Trump has done.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
“Fuck it I’m just gonna say whatever.” - Donald Trump
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Broke: “Idiocracy is a documentary.” Woke: “Cyberpunk 2077 is a documentary.”
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
With this most recent Supreme Court decision banning trans people from sports this opens the door for something called trans vestigation. This is when you accuse a girl of being trans and they’re totally not Trans.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
When it happens will the administration try to pretend he’s still alive as long as possible or will everyone in the administration race to a television camera to tell people how much they hated him and disagreed with everything he did. Somehow they’ll find a way to do both of these.
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
Americans right now are like “We’re waiting for the president to die of old age so we can start a family.”
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chrisfritz.bsky.social @chrisfritz.bsky.social · 28/06/2026
No kings except for Burger King.
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