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Charlie the McCrackin

@charliemccrackin.bsky.social
358 followers 23 following 77 posts

Bunch of different guys—actour, writeur, comedianite

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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
When you ask how my weekend was, I can quickly answer “good,” but if you ask what I did over the weekend, I need a moment to respond because I don’t want to say “I practiced things I might say if I met Nigella Lawson” (e.g. “will you push me down these stairs?”)
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
This season there’s lots of people telling grads to “follow their dreams” or “set life goals and work to achieve them” but what’s wrong with good old-fashioned “intuitively survive the violent current of the universe as it draws you through an endless series of escalating obsessions,” huh?
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Repeating to myself: just because you’re horny doesn’t mean you deserve to have access to someone who will push you down the stairs
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 08/05/2026
Jaylin Williams out here looking like John Legend found a Zoltar machine
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Probably the thing I like most about being bisexual is the lack of community
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Lately regretting my decision to go into creative writing rather than war profiteering
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
That song Take Me to Church but instead it’s Push Me Down Stairs and it’s about me trying to find a date
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Abused people often become abusers later in life and use their past trauma as justification for the abuse they themselves commit. The cycle of abuse is a real thing. It is rael
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
Easter morning, when married men across America wake up and say, “He is risen!” and show their wives their morning erections but just joking of course, obviously, unless, I mean, if you want to…
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
Los Angeles! Come on out tonight to see me with BAG OF HAMMERS and enjoy the triumphant return of a brand new crew. IF I HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, SO DO YOU www.instagram.com/p/DWj7Gm7EqF...
instagram.com
Dana Q on Instagram: "This Friday at @outsideinthtr Bag of Hammers is going to put on a little improv pageant for you. 7:30 p.m. 12 bucks. https://outsideintheatre.org/tickets/ (or link in bio bb). Se...
31 likes, 0 comments - dtotheq on March 31, 2026: "This Friday at @outsideinthtr Bag of Hammers is going to put on a little improv pageant for you. 7:30 p.m. 12 bucks. https://outsideintheatre.org/tic...
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
The fun thing about moving is adding one more to my collection of shoe boxes that contain all the stuff from the junk drawers of every place I’ve ever lived
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
Sure it’s 100° on the first day of spring out here in LA, but with the windchill factor it feels like shit
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Reposted by Charlie the McCrackin
Scott Aukerman @scottaukerman.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
On this week’s SCOTT HASNT SEEN, we watch a special TV crossover event: the November sweeps 1986 two-parter that united MAGNUM, P.I. (S7E8) & MURDER, SHE WROTE (S3E8)! Joining us is comedian, writer and returning guest @charliemccrackin.bsky.social! Available exclusively at @cbbworld.bsky.social!
A pic of Thomas Magnum and Jessica Fletcher, a pic of Charlie McCrackin, and the SHS logo
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
Oh great, a new neighbor
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
Hay fever more like nay fever because I refuse to participate
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
When you’re resetting your password and you type in your new password and it says that doesn’t meet the criteria for a password because it can’t be the same as your current password and you say to the reset your email box fuck you I don’t need you anymore.
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
Sigonk if you’re Sigourney
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
Gas, grass, or ass. Something in here stinks
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 10/03/2026
Preemptive retaliation is oxymoronic. Basing a war on the idea is regular moronic
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 10/03/2026
War, what is it good for? Top of the list: Using up extra guys
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
Just checked and it looks like my self-destruct sequence was initiated at some point and has been ticking down this whole time. Isn’t there supposed to be a lady with an overhead announcement?
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
Starting to worry I will never meet The One* *a person who will push me down the stairs
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
Now she can spend more time with her hobbies
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
The state of the world now is great for cancelling plans or missing deadlines. You can just shake your head and be like, “With everything going on…” or “In times like these…” and no one can say shit
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
Not having a ton of luck on dating apps because my bio says “ISO non-gross person of any gender who likes having sex with me and tells me what to do with my life and the things they tell me to do are things I like and when I do the things my life gets better Go Pack Go.”
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
When life doesn’t give you tomatoes, make a bacon lettuce and honeydew sandwich
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 03/03/2026
Just doodled this at work but I lowkey kinda like it
A pretty cool amateur pencil sketch by everyone’s favorite man about town, Charlie McCrackin
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
Nobody ever mentions when a movie is preapocalyptic
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
Just did a quick-apply using my resume on file. Throwing my hat in the ring to be new supreme leader over in Iran
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
🙏 Now I lay me down to bed, Mandela Machine upon my head. Since this world seems almost done, I’m gonna try to wake up in another one.
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
If you’re on a gay hookup app and your profile says you’re into fisting, you can remove “curious” from your bio
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
Lotta people say if they had a time machine they go back in time and kill baby Hitler, and I think I would do that too, not to stop the holocaust, but because it seems like probably the best chance I’d ever have to kill a baby without getting canceled
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Reposted by Charlie the McCrackin
Erin Whitehead @girlwithatail.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
All new COLLEGE TOWN feat. @charliemccrackin.bsky.social & Fiona Landers! Hosted by Jan & Beebo (me & Seth Morris!) Grinding stumps and leaving wives plus! Jan uses a new body part! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social www.comedybangbangworld.com
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 24/02/2026
Hey hey hey, don’t be so quick to put the house lights up on these Wuthering Heights credits. Some of us are blubbering in the dark. At least give me a warning so I can put my face on.
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
For over a thousand years I thought “I Will Always Love You” was being sung to a bitter, sweet man, Maurice.
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
I think the Indiana Bears has a nice ring to it. Not a Super Bowl ring, but…
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
But what did the Supreme Court say about the tariffs I imposed on my neighbor Gary importing dog crap to my lawn?
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
My friends, family and attorneys are all pleading with me to stop making public statements that I’m “unkidnappable” yet here I am again
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
A therapist once suggested instead of having a goal to maybe someday meet a woman who would tolerate my being bisexual, I could actually meet and date women who find that attractive and I said SHYEAH RIGHT
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
I only use self rising flour because I believe in pulling yourself up by the bootstraps
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
When I give you the signal, push me down the stairs, and this needs to look like an accident so remember to say whoops
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 18/02/2026
Job applications never ask how many of other people’s licenses and certifications I’ve revoked. What are they afraid of?
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 18/02/2026
Oops I ate two Cool Whip containers of Kix for supper
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 17/02/2026
Couple of lives back I was a right jackanape
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
What even event is she in?
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
Thinking of doing that thing where you hire a private detective to follow you around for a week, refuse to pay them and hope to steal some constructive criticism from whatever insults they yell at you
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 15/02/2026
I mainly fight the patriarchy by being a terrible provider
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
Remember it’s not Valentimes, it’s SAINT Valentimes, so get your ass to mass
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
If I could make a living doing what I love to do most, I’d have a lucrative career in finishing up the last of the scrambled eggs
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Charlie the McCrackin @charliemccrackin.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
Time to lick my phone clean for the day and head to bed
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