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CEEFAUX

@ceefaux.bsky.social
5.4K followers 11 following 1.2K posts

The TV listings you never did know that you didn't not need, in glorious teletext several times a day. GSOH. Non-smoker preferred. Ring top bell. Your home is at risk if you store dynamite in it.

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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 21h
22.00 FILM: THE GODFARTHER
Gangster epic where Marlon Brando plays an aging Mafia Don who is always slightly in the distance.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
15.00 FILM: THE FIFTH SENSE
Unnecessary prequel about a young boy who discovers he has the very normal ability to smell things.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
16.00 FILM: O.H.M.A.T.E.
James Bond received a talking to from his best friend about his misogny, violence and womanising.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
20.00 FILM: MURDER ON THE PIZZA EXPRESS
Agatha Christie's classic story where the twist is that there was no actual murder - the victim simply topped himself.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
20.30 SHAKESPEAR & HADDAWAY
Luella Shakespeare is forced to solve more crimes on her own as her partner is only interested in finding out the answer to one romance/passion/the term for zero in tennis question.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
We laughed far too much at this :) thank you @cheeley.bsky.social
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
21.00 FILM: CASINO ROYALE WITH CHEESE
What they call that James Bond film in Paris.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
"I didn't see that one" "Not many people have, it's probably a bad reference."
22.00 NEWS AT TENET TA SWEN
Overly confusing current affairs round-up directed by Christopher Nolan, which you don't understand but suspect is very clever.
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Viva 🇺🇦 @vivaf1.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
It’s a classic paranormal distribution, Scully
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
21.00 THE X & Y FILES
Milder and Scully investigate yet another paranormal graph.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Again? They featured us again?
static.klipy.com
Man Laughs and Points
ALT: Man Laughs and Points
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
"Hello, is that the business card making shop? It is? Good? We have a new review we'd like on the back of our cards? Can you do that? You can? Oh good! Our name? It's C.E.EFAUX"
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
And bringing our CEEFAUX Gangsta Rap day to a welcome end, here's our last one. Thank you if you liked or commented or even if you just stared and shook your head in utter disgust, that's ok because THAT'S WHAT ART IS ABOUT.
16.00 THE NOTORIOUS PEPPA P.I.G.
Peppa jumps in muddy puddles and then raps about it with effortless flow, juxtaposing a gritty street realism with a smoother melodic radio appeal. With guest vocals by Diddy Pig.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Despite the general lack of interest, it's STILL Gangsta Rap day on CEEFAUX.
21.30 TWO PINTS OF LAGER AND TUPACS VS CRIPS
Tragi-comedy, last in the series. With Ral L'il and Will I Mellor.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
We're putting this review on our posters.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
It's still Gangsta Rap day on CEEFAUX!
21.00 THE SNOOP DOGGHOUSE
Yo. Check it, drop me a beat
Abandon canines in shelter suite
Fur real life stories
All sad and alone
Time find these pets a home
Find a way to make melancholy stop
Take 'em for a walk, then adopt
Some stories tragic
Some make you go 'ha ha'
Who gonna take that sad chihuahua?
An animal's happiness
Is beyond all riches
Cheeky male dogs
And damn fine bitches
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
It's Gangsta Rap day on CEEFAUX!
22.45 NOTORIOUS B.I.G. BROTHER
Day 19 and yet another turf ware has been trigged when Rob helps himself to Phillip's yoghurt. The subsequent drive by in the lounge results in the death of three more housemates, whilst the survivors plan both a revenge attack and a tribute rap single that's clearly just them talking over a sample from a 1980's pop hit.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
By Vectron! (actually, it's by us, but, well, never mind)
21.00 THAT MITCHELL & WEBB, LOOK, IT'S NOTHING OFFENSIVE, IT REALLY ISN'T BUT YOU KNOW HOW THINGS ARE THESE DAY EH? I MEAN, WE DON'T WANT TO TURN OUT TO BE THE BADDIES DO WE?
Satire.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
We never made it past the audition stage (twice) for #onlyconnect sadly :( @vcorenmitchell.bsky.social
20.00 FILM: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY CONNECT
James Bond must discover the link between a French Public Holiday, 
a Disney fawn and rabbit friend, a small occasional task, and a 1975 shark film. With Victoria Coren-Mitchell as Plenty O'Gin.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
20.30 .DOC MARTIN
Final episode about a grumpy GP who will only treat patients who have logged their concerns and symptoms in Microsoft Word format.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
TERRIFYING CHILDHOOD TRAUMA UNLOCKED (not Peter Duncan, to be clear)
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Man Laughing: I'm Funny
ALT: Man Laughing: I'm Funny
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rhymer74.bsky.social @rhymer74.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
“Dispatch rescue lorry Ajax to bring back his vehicle!”
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Sunday evening viewing sorted
19.00 FILM: FLASH GORDANO
Camp sci-fi classic relocated to the M5 Services, Junction 19, south of the Avonmouth Bridge.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
We've had so much fun watching you lot respond to GODCILLA today, thanks for making us laugh it means a lot - this one in particular made us laugh like giant irradiated scouse women who refuse to give up tables that other people have booked :)
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
22.00 FILM: GODCILLA
When nuclear tests off the cost of Merseyside disturb her slumber, a 300ft high redhead with huge teeth and a booming roar brings fear and a lorra lorra destruction to the surrounding areas.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
17.00 GRANGE HULK
After being exposed to radiation in Chemistry, Danny Kendall finds he mutates into a giant monster when angered by Mr Bronson.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
We knew an intern sent off to shred confidential paper. Hadn’t come back after 30mins so we went to check on her. “It won’t shred, whatever I try - do you know how to fix it?” We said “yes, the issue is that the shredder is over there and this is a photocopier” Reader, we married her (we didn’t)
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
20.05 IT LAMINATE HALF HOT MUM
Classic comedy about a child complaining to a parent about a 50% loss of power on the equipment they use for covering paper or card in plastic.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
18.45 HI-DE-HAIKUS
Behind sharp banter
Ted's loneliness echoes loud
A clown with no cheer

Peggy watches them dance
Yellow coats full of glory
Her dreams slip further

Between dance sets, hush
Barry jokes to hid the ache
Yvonne smiles, then sighs

Knobbly knees parade
Spike narrates to empty seats
Applause is long gone

Xylophone taps soft,
Gladys strikes notes to no-one
Silence hums along
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gingernot.bsky.social @gingernot.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Er, the size fours is strong in this one,
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
19.00 FILM: BROGUE ONE
Shoe-focussed Star Wars prequel.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
22.00 NEUTRAL AT THE APOLLO
Second in the series of tutorials on how to wire a three pin plug. The final part of the trilogy, Earth, will be shown next week.
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Chris Neville-Smith @cns-theatre.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Wait, does that mean Jenny Agutter had to wave her makeshift red flag standing on the on the A629 dual carriageway?
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
WARNING! SATIRE!
16.00 FILM: THE RAILWAY BUS REPLACEMENT SERVICE CHILDREN
Modernised version of the charming children's classic. Please note, this film may be delayed or even cancelled.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
CEEFAUX was born out of @johnrain.co.uk (beard, glasses, big hair) kindly letting us do stuff on one of his excellent online things. This ace show with @atomcrowley.bsky.social (beard, no glasses, big hair) & @tpneenan.bsky.social (no beard, glasses, big hair) is ace & you should all follow & watch
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Nick Offerman: This Guy Gets It
ALT: Nick Offerman: This Guy Gets It
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
21.00 FARTHER TED
Some priests are small, but this one is far away.
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v.edgy (the dot is silent) @vdotedgy.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Where Holly GoLightlyOnTheKetchup meets her new neighbour as she readies to leave for her weekly visit to incarcerated mobster Sally CannedTomato.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
15.00 FILM: FULL-ENGLISH BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS
Served with Herburnt toast and Peppard eggs - based on the book by Truman Cup-o-tea.
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scott-macshlibber.bsky.social @scott-macshlibber.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
...and becomes a stiff
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
22.00 FILM: DIE HARD
Thriller about a man who takes a fatal overdose of Viagra.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
We love you lot
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
19.30 CHARLIE'S ANGLES
More action, adventure and basic trigonometry with the girls. This week's  episode: A-cute case of poisoning.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
15.00 HE-MAN AND THE TICKETMASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
the muscle-bound hero finally has a chance to defeat Skeletor but will need to pay a £5.99 booking fee, £2 for processing, £4.50 for credit card transactions and £1.99 'Orko Tax' first.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
21.00 THE ZX FILES
Mulder and Scully investigate tales of a manic miner, an atac in an atic and the curious story of a dizzy egg. Please allow seven minutes for this programme to load.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
23.15 FILM: PRET CEMETERY
Stephen King's creepy tale about a family who bury a free-range egg and avocado breakfast baguette with terrifying consequences.
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CEEFAUX @ceefaux.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
GIF OF APPLAUSE
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