as a shen yuan enjoyer I got to this paragraph and realized I was in for a real party
cally again
@callowyn.bsky.social
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your local threadfic replies georg featuring #myfic #svsss #cumplane #bingqiu #tgcf #criticalrole and god knows what else ✨
![horse wanted ad that reads:
ISO: A Pasture Potato / Xanax with a Tail [...]
We are seeking a gelding with the IQ of a lukewarm ham sandwich. If he can solve a basic gate latch or has an ounce of "work ethic," he’s overqualified. We want a horse that is currently "404: File Not Found" between the ears.
• The Social Life: He must be prepared to handle our resident mares through a shared fence line. We need a guy so blissfully dim that when they give him the "Mare Stare" of death, he just blinks and thinks, “Oh boy! The girls are making faces! They love me!”
• The Roommate: He’ll be tasked with sharing a single, flickering brain cell with a 3-year-old gelding. We need a mentor who can teach the youngster that "spooking" is far too much physical labor and that "thinking" is a scam.
• The Pilot: Primarily for a 6-year-old who thinks steering is a "suggestion." However, he also needs to be able to pack Mom around occasionally for some low-intensity soul-cleansing. Since Mom is 5’2” and 100lbs soaking wet, we are open to any size—from a stout pony to a full-sized gelding. If he can carry a grocery bag, he can carry Mom.
The "Work" Schedule:
This is essentially a professional retirement home with a very easy side gig.
• The Job: He needs to be willing to pack a tiny human (and occasionally a tiny Mom) around for maybe 15–20 minutes, twice a month and therefore sit for a few weeks at a time.
• The Perks: The rest of his life will be spent being worshipped, aggressively over-cookied, and pampered. He will be the undisputed king of the "Do Nothing" club.
Bonus points: A barn name commensurate with this level of god-given potato energy like Greg or Bubba or Noodles or Pickle or Sparkle Farts…
If your gelding is currently standing in the rain because he forgot he has a shed, he’s the one.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:3ytmcskycorvfjr7soeplwki/bafkreihl6och3aespueervixb7q4f2lx6xvcebubksptyykal474agzxym)
