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Calebs Journal Factory

@calebjournal.bsky.social

This is where I whine and moan about my anxiety and disorders. So I dont clutter my main @woogigooie.com with all of it.

Posts Replies Media

Calebs Journal Factory @calebjournal.bsky.social · 1h

Im at this impasse. I dont know what I want. I feel lonely all the time. But I dont like being around people. I want to socialize with people. Be part of a group. But my social battery is barely enough to power a tea light. I want people to care about me. But my capacity to care back is limited.

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Calebs Journal Factory @calebjournal.bsky.social · 8h

I still so vividly remember one new years. I was playing mario64, emulated on my pc. The bowsers submarine level. Downstairs my extended family's New Years celebration. Hearing them cheer and have fun really cut me. I remember hearing the countdown and feeling tears well up. I just wasnt invited.

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Calebs Journal Factory @calebjournal.bsky.social · 11h

Im very emotionally turbulent around the holidays. Alot of negative memories and associations. Last year, it was at its worst. I was borderlining on suicidal and thankfully emotionally crashed before I could do anything. I felt so insignificant for weeks after. So small.

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Calebs Journal Factory @calebjournal.bsky.social · 11h

If you ended up here- sorry. It's gonna get messy every holiday season. Cause im always emotionally turbulent around that time.

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