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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers.

@brianmwise.bsky.social
7.5K followers 1.9K following 20K posts

Unabashedly blue in my politics. Profane in my wit (or half of it). Adept in the Way of Absolute Candor. Pronouns aren't hard to learn. Anti-assclown/troll/MAGAT curator of the #BlockTheseTwitteratwits list. Living Among Clouds, Emerald City. Always Ω

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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 49m
Yes, I live within elbow-crawling distance of four, count'em four internationally ranked pizza places. But sometimes you just want some 1980s sauce and faux sausage on a cracker.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 3h
I'm never going to tell you how to vote. I'm just going to remind you that our nation was built on the idea that every citizen in this country must have a voice in its democracy. That every citizen matters. So go vote. Vote like your country depends on it. Because it does. #justfuckingvote2026
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Seriously. If your entire attack campaign is based on someone somehow being a crypto-vegan, not only have you lost the plot but you are batshit insane on top of being fucking stupid
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
My daughter's cat was apparently a sea otter in a past life.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Rolled down the window. Got the guy in the van to roll down his. "If it gives you wings, why are you driving a van?" Took him a hot second. It's been a long week all around, I guess
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
A true democracy only happens when everyone stands up and casts their vote to let their voice be heard. Don’t listen to people saying your voice doesn’t matter or someone else speaks for you. Your vote is your voice. Your voice is your power. I don’t care who you vote for. #justfuckingvote2026
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
This absolute motherfucker thinks 1 out of 30 people are decent odds. Look at your friend group. Your family. Chances are there's 30 of them. Have one die of plague. That's the odds.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Cats, after their human servant brings home the Wirecutter "WE GUARANTEE YOUR CAT WILL LOVE THIS CAT TREE":
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I see we are now at the "with sugar and a cherry on top" phase of Dem donation begging
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I had a dream last night where the best dog in the world came to me, snuggled up on the bed with me, licked my face and told me I was all right, that he wanted to give me a kiss for my wife. I told him he was the best dog in the world & fell back awake. Those who are gone from us are never gone.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
If this bothers you but you could give a shit whether the TP is over or under, we are probably going to both be men who annoy the fuck out of their spouses
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
"together, we are Skydance"
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Did this fucking asshole even watch the movie
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
That being said, I do have one cat that has never seen anything false about hope
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
"Guacamole is not cat food, you obese meatloaves." LIES. LIES.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
If you see this, post a vampire that isn't Dracula
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
The squirrel:
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
A moment of zen in a morning of bullshit: Dasher is displeased with the lack of treats fed by hand to him after the large human servant adequately performed the role of bedwarmer.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Sorry, Jimothy. This is more accurate.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Folks, I gotta say: I genuinely can't tell who wore the expression better
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
So, I had an older guy tell me the other day as I'm pulling out the wood from a raised bed from the front yard "oh, save that wood! You can use it. It's still good." The 2x6 of cedar I held up was rotted ALL THE WAY THROUGH. I consider myself crafty/handy, but no This is a metaphor for the GOP.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Okay I heard it a few days ago but it took seeing Gavin Newsom on C-SPAN for me to realize exactly how much he reminds me of Gul Dukat from DS9 You can't unsee it, even though Marc Alaimo looks NOTHING like Gavin Newsom (sorry Marc, it's a vile comparison) And the answer is "nooooope"
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Folks, I'm calling time on the Cornell thing. Susan Collins thinks the boys have learned their lesson. She's still very concerned, but she definitely thinks they know not to feed a woman daterape drugs and then gang rape her now.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Just saw an article that asked "Why do cats knock things over?" I asked Dasher why cats knock things over. Dasher said, "because fuck you, that's why"
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
If you say "I don't see the point in voting" when it comes to the USA 2026 election, allow me to say with deepest love and all due respect: Please fuck off all the way into the sun.
If you say "I don't see the point in voting" when it comes to the USA 2026 election, allow me to say with deepest love and all due respect:

Please fuck off all the way into the sun.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Oh look, my calendar event reminder. Sure glad I set that one.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Quote and repost with your favorite James Bond (right answers that feel so wrong only)
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
This week went by just like
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
May I offer a simple solve? If it's not terribly illegal, smile politely and wave this at them I find that the mere suggestion of me smashing their Preciouuusss with a 4lb deadblow hammer tends to carry the argument
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
"Do you support making sure people don't build giant autonomous robot death rays that also build autonomous people-killing machines in a continous paperclip loop?" Um. Yes? Do you need to ask this question?
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
The goose, 5m later, in my backyard:
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
"There might be some corruption and rot in the Republican party, but it can still be salvaged and made into solid oak again." The Republican Party:
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Might bite hand giving throat scritches. Might not. Feeling spicy. Will post. Or maybe won't.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I don't know how he manages to look both rumpled and regal at the same time, but he does. Maybe it's the "gimme the goddamn cereal milk" yowl
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
One of the most sanity-saving parts of my day is an alarm set for specific times to just have a cup of tea and chill. Granted, my "cups" never come in smaller sizes than 28oz. Sometimes you need a lot of sanity-saving.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Current state of Republican Midterm chances:
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I can read between the lines here as much as anyone else can, and... let's be clear. Steve doesn't sound like he's buying the "This is fine" argument. Blatantly screenshot from Xitter because I'm not sending you there to give Elno clicks.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I absolutely wish I could physically do the Vulcan salute, so you'll just have to settle for a return emoji.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
When you realize you spent all your pardon money on inflatable sheep
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
One brain cell working overtime to figure out whether treats are forthcoming, the other brain cell trying to frantically get its attention to say "LOOK OUR BROTHER TOOK OUR TOY"
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Shocked. SHOCKED. ... not shocked
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Oh you're serious, m BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHA OH JESUS FUCK STOO IMMA PEE
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I present this with no other context.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
About to head out the door to pick up my girl from the airport and this furry little twerp jumps up and demands I give the queen of the household her due and proper. I got five minutes, cat. That's it.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
This little asshole won't drink from the full bowl of fresh water I pour every morning in the basement but he'll hoover everything from a bowl I had a bunch of lemon slices in five minutes ago. I love him, and he annoys me no end
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
A Poem By My Cat: You have removed The clean clothes from the laundry hamper Upon which I was napping I forgive you But only if You provide to me More clean clothes upon which to repose And I also barfed in your shoes. Fucker.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
One of my cats does not believe he is a cat but a dog-human hybrid who is permitted to be wherever humans are. And plays fetch. And is also a cat, who demands his due and proper. This is what I have to do to get him to stop trying to get me to share breakfast at the table.
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Brian M. Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers. @brianmwise.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
What am I having for breakfast tomorrow? Is it grilled chicken breast? Why yes. Yes it is. My cats, tomorrow morning, guaranteed.
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