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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 9h

Jamelle, no. In a *truly* just world, the two of them would strapped to an Acme Rocket Sled ™, which would hilariously plow into a cliff face and explode.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 9h

Indeed. My own circle of Younger Folk is a good size - so a decent sample group, I'd aver - but they're *all* actively engaged in the arts in various ways, and they are all ferocious bibliophiles. I'll just assume that this dreary gabbling meat popsicle - whoever the fuck she is - is an idiot.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 9h

Is it because, she's - I dunno - a worthless vapid moron? Rhetorical question, obviously.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 9h

"Suicide"... .... ....riiiiiiiiiiight....

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 11h

I am from a Distant Land Far Away, so I'm afraid I don't know this gentleman - but I swear, he *never* pays for his own drinks, should I ever be fortunate enough to meet him. Superb work, and it applies just about everywhere.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 13h

How I miss New Orleans... When I am a rich man, I shall spend a considerable amount of money on a specially built jambalaya truck, to follow me everywhere I go.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 13h

Good morning, World. So... Is he dead yet? No? Fuck.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

A mate of mine in Canada says he'll know the Day of Days has come, with the sound of church bells getting louder - just before his phone explodes with a LOT of all-caps texts.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I'm travelling to Europe in a couple of days - I rather hope it happens while I'm there. It'll be like Mardi Gras meets the Fall of the Berlin Wall. 🍻

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Four seasons in one day, we got 'em. 🙂

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Hey there! Me too! Isn't it just the *best* ? 🙂

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

INT. MELBOURNE - DAY "Mum, can we visit Seattle?" "We have rain and coffee at home, love."

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Coming from Melbourne, Australia (where I was very accustomed to post-gig/club breakfast beers as the sun rose), one of the great disappointments of LA was learning that the lights go up at 2AM, and we all had to go home to beddy-bye now, please & thank you. ...the fuck is THAT about? Amateurs...

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Yer doin' the Lord's work there, mate. 😃

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Good Lord, the daft mouth-breathing cunt follows me. Well, we know the solution to that, don't we, boys and girls? *SWINGS THE BLOCKHAMMER OF JUSTICE *

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I have frequently wished to deliver information, analysis or clarification, accompanied by an explanatory knee to someone's face. But apparently, I'm informed were I ever to do so, *I'd* be the bad guy. Which fucking sucks, frankly.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

A clarification as necessary as it is hilarious.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

There's three pubs on the walk home from my polling place, in Melbourne - and once I've cast my vote (and got myself on the outside of a couple of Democracy Sausages), a refreshing post-vote pint is part of the ritual for me and mine... 🍻

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I've travelled further, for sillier reasons...

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

If they have a big enough post bag to send me to Cuidad Mexico in, I'll go pop on my specially engineered elastic-wasted fajitas pants, right now.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

...undermined by the logistics of being 6,000 km away, in grey rainy Melbourne. Again - dammit.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

That's such a beautiful 610. Few people could drive a Rickenbacker like Tom Petty.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

That's a very fair comment. And I now require several Mexican beers, and enough street tacos from Mercado Coyoacan to choke a jaguar. Dammit.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Woke me up - nice little boutique lateral shake in Flemington.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

A little earthquake in Melbourne. Which woke me up. Wheeeee.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Ah, not really. Some of the sheep are ok.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Damn, the skills. The *flare*. I can't even use a hammer, without it exploding in my hands. Come to Australia, guys - we *revere* tradies, and we need you. Wages here are much, much higher than you're getting, we have universal health care, and the beer is better. A LOT better. :-)

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

..."Big strong, good-looking guys. There were three of them! Almost like twins. They were all big, strong, and good-looking..." I suspect his deep, secret yearning for "The Refreshing Taste of Dick!" © ™ is about to break containment.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Ah, this one saddens me. Bought "Black Metal" new, on vinyl, the week it came out....many, many years ago. An absolute legend, and the Godfather of *all* black and extreme metal. "Lay down your souls to the Gods Rock and Roll!!" Vale, Cronos.

theguardian.com

Conrad ‘Cronos’ Lant, frontman of UK heavy metal band Venom, dies aged 63

Singer and bassist helped turn Newcastle band into hugely influential force on thrash and black metal subgenres

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Yeah, the "cheap theatrics" so dismissively noted here put a tomahawk cruise missile through the roof of a building full of schoolgirls. If the US military had the honour and decency it's always told itself it has, it would have rolled a WP grenade into this worm's office, and fragged him by now.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Done, ordered. A Christmas present, to myself. 🐈‍⬛

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

At least the AI version wouldn't smell like shit. Although we are living in...THE FUTURE-UTURE-Uture-uture.... ...so who knows.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

The general feeling in Australia is do *not* travel to, or through, the US for any reason.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

"Ah, you're a master of your craft, Luigi. Perhaps just a light dusting of your best dandruff as well? I have a gala function to attend - I'm up for a life achievement award from NAMBLA."

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

It's like he sat in the barber's chair, and said "the usual please, Luigi - give me 'the defendant pleads guilty' ".

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Dear God, I can smell that photo. It's like halitosis, wasp shit and cumstains took vaguely human form, and decided to go on a magical adventure.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

You're making "well-dressed" do a lot of heavy lifting, here. One of the reasons she stays rich is she gets her frocks from the offcuts bin at an awning factory. Zuckerberg wears t-shirts because buttons frighten him, and Elon famously wears his cowboy hat back to front. So...yeah. Nah.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I guarantee you, this oily little loud-mouthed cosplay ponce is terrified of horses. And cows. And everything else.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Terrible slander upon poor Count Orlok. All he ever wanted was to invest in a nice retirement home, manage his boutique rat importing business, and hook up with an old girlfriend. Nothing at all like that other evil little prick.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

What's often forgotten about Gina, is not that she's obnoxiously greedy and arrogant, but she's also deeply, deeply stupid. No, really. Listen to her talk. She's an idiot.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Pretty sure I remember seeing a billboard in Los Angeles asking if I'd recently been in an automobile accident, because Kent Lasagna, Attorney-at-Law, could assist me. No win, no fee!

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Future you, a Space Palaeontologist (or whatever): "We found burnt human remains, covered in what seem to be rusting beverage containers, buried next to what might be remains of the solid wooden stringed instrument that had been used to stove his head in. Human sacrifice? Who can say for sure."

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Maybe we cut out the AI middleman, and just set fire to Nick.

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

"You know, I think I have quite enough book- ... ... ...well, fuck."

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Brendan Parry Kaufmann @bpkaufmann.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I dare this "Nick" to confidently make this announcement from the stage, where a Metal, Punk or Hardcore act is about to start playing. Hell, even before a prog-rock band, folk band or jazz trio. The audience would flay the skin from his face and make him eat it, before a single note was heard.

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