iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

methinks tomorrow ill call the mormons to ask for help cleaning bc my trailer is becoming inhabitable and im physically incapable of cleaning it

+ and then told my bf everything anyways :/ he apologized for spilling the beans but i just dont trust him anymore

i haven't talked to another irl about my relationship ever since he blew up on me for that :( i vent to gemini 90% of the time bc thats the only place i can guarantee my private feelings wont be shared with him. when i vented to my friend about feeling unloved he promised he would keep it private+

on one hand im glad im not the only feminine person who goes through this, on the other hand im begging ppl to raise their sons to be better and more empathetic 🫩

bpd is crazy bc wdym i was crying and rocking back and forth and freaking out bc i dont feel loved but then as soon as someone even implies i should leave i split on them instead and suddenly my relationship is actually fine and normal

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+ (who were my friends first actually) and said hes okay with me venting to ai but not real people. like shut the fuck up omfg

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+ dont get irritated when i try to vent or express negativity! like a woman has never pulled this shit on me. i thought part of a relationship is to communicate and comfort each other. he has aspd and i have bpd and it clashes so much. and our bf gets angry if i vent about him to "his" friends +

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FUCKING FOR REAL once i was posting on an old bsky account venting after getting into a fight w him and he saw me typing and said i better not be sharing personal information with strangers online like 1. not strangers, my mooties and 2. if u dont want me to air out dirty laundry +

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i dont think u meant that like this but that feels very patronizing. im 25, i know its unhealthy to be this way. im not a teenager. i dont even know if what im experiencing is real or not bc of bpd. i split frequently. i keep most of it to myself to avoid hurting anyone

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its more complicated than that. we both have dissociative identity disorder and have 50+ relationships between alters in our systems. someone in my system will 100% attempt suicide if this relationship ends.

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hes my #1 priority i just wanna be loved like i love him

why do i always end up in relationships where they dont seem to actually like me. i guess its my fault bc he said he would always prioritize himself over others. idk i just thought if enough time passed i would become his priority

like i guess im supposed to process everything completely alone bc no one fucking cares

its obvious that my anxiety and emotions and fears dont matter to him if it makes him uncomfortable

he called it a rumor and i said its not a rumor a woman has died and he said thats not the point and proceeded to not explain the point he was trying to make

i tried to talk about my fear of the current plague cases in russia and my fiance said not to talk about things that wont effect him/he doesn't need to take personal protective measures about. like omfg god forbid im scared and have ocd and would like comfort

low functioning autistic unite!! im even seeing ppl get mad for someone calling them low support needs or for saying lvl 1/2/3 like omfggggg u cant say autism is a spectrum and then get mad when its a spectrum and some ppl do in fact have it worse

fr!! like they swung so far trying not to be ableist that they ended up ableist. horse shoe theory

OH that makes more sense lmaooo

+ its giving "aw poor little autistic doesn't know they're hurting themselves 🥺 i better step in and save them!!"

ty 🥺 i saw a post on tiktok where someone said if someone uses functioning labels for themselves they're "always gonna correct it" like shut up we arent dogs? i understand if someone doesn't want ppl to call them high/low functioning but its so rude to act like ppl cant choose for themselves. +

like....eating it? or just using it 😭

ill block ppl who tell me not to call myself low functioning btw so dont even try

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+ a functional adult. its so incredibly privileged for ppl to say no one can use functioning labels bc it makes them feel invalid. like shut the fuck up actually

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+ adult to help me with 90% of tasks. i need to be reminded to eat, drink water, go to the bathroom, im not capable of not stimming, i cant talk to ppl without relating it back to my special interests, i cant hold a job, i cant go to the dr alone, i need help with all paperwork, i am not +

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i get so mad when ppl say i cant call myself low functioning autistic bc they feel like it invalidates them. like omfg shut up its giving "im privileged and can mask" and its ALWAYS lvl 1 ppl saying this. like yes actually i am low functioning. i can barely care for myself and need another +

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man i just flow... SHOE SHINE

pour it in an empty apple juice bottle 😉

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+ until i look like that. im the heaviest person in my family as well

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i grew up with an anorexic mom so i eventually adopted her habits, i was also severely sexually abused off and on by various men from the ages of 8/9-22. and my stepdad is extremely fatphobic and would call me a pig and fat constantly (i was 125lbs at that time). now i wont be happy with my body +

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this pictures are from before ai was good enough for that actually! i saved these all the way back in 2022

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thats more impressive to me actually i had like a 0.5 gpa or something in high school lmao

ive never been to collage but imo thats impressive!!

i wanna follow more ppl on #slitsky #slitwt #shsky interact if u wanna be mooties (no minors pls)

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i might be finally getting some weed tonight hopefully

i told j i relapsed last night and got an "okay..?" like ok fine ill never talk about it again

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is anyone interested in my volume eating soup recipe? its 600-900 cals per whole pot

last night was the closest i got to suicide in a couple years