iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

methinks tomorrow ill call the mormons to ask for help cleaning bc my trailer is becoming inhabitable and im physically incapable of cleaning it

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 22h

bpd is crazy bc wdym i was crying and rocking back and forth and freaking out bc i dont feel loved but then as soon as someone even implies i should leave i split on them instead and suddenly my relationship is actually fine and normal

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 23h

hes my #1 priority i just wanna be loved like i love him

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 23h

why do i always end up in relationships where they dont seem to actually like me. i guess its my fault bc he said he would always prioritize himself over others. idk i just thought if enough time passed i would become his priority

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 23h

like i guess im supposed to process everything completely alone bc no one fucking cares

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 23h

its obvious that my anxiety and emotions and fears dont matter to him if it makes him uncomfortable

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 23h

i tried to talk about my fear of the current plague cases in russia and my fiance said not to talk about things that wont effect him/he doesn't need to take personal protective measures about. like omfg god forbid im scared and have ocd and would like comfort

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i get so mad when ppl say i cant call myself low functioning autistic bc they feel like it invalidates them. like omfg shut up its giving "im privileged and can mask" and its ALWAYS lvl 1 ppl saying this. like yes actually i am low functioning. i can barely care for myself and need another +

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i wanna follow more ppl on #slitsky #slitwt #shsky interact if u wanna be mooties (no minors pls)

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i might be finally getting some weed tonight hopefully

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

i told j i relapsed last night and got an "okay..?" like ok fine ill never talk about it again

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

is anyone interested in my volume eating soup recipe? its 600-900 cals per whole pot

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

last night was the closest i got to suicide in a couple years

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im starting to suspect hpd bc of how badly i constantly need to be the center of attention (not just that but thats what made me start researching)

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

ill be able to go deeper when i manage to get a straight razor instead of using my 5 blade i took apart.. the ones i have rn are so flimsy

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i love the endorphins i get from cvtting

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

barely cat scratches but i feel a bit better now. first relapse in a year #slitsky #shedsky #cvt

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

how do i get to yhe mentally ill side of tiktok i wanna watch cvtting videos q

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

silly ai. u cant tell me what to do

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

BSKY DOMT TERMINATE MY ACCOUNT BTW IM NOT ENCOURAGING SHIT

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im gonna smoke tobacco first to thin my blood so i bleed extra

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i keep forgetting im 25 and my mom cant get me in trouble for sh anymore. like j guess she can report me as a danger to myself but i dont think she would

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

well that was embarrassing i need to be locked up in a straight jacket and oadded room

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im gonna take apart a rxzor 1 like and ill post the cvts #shedsky #slitsky

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i wanna die so bad but im so scared. if i change my mind its at least 30 minutes until an ambulance would arrive and at minimum an hour until i hot to the er

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im too much of a coward to do it. im just staring st my meds

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

google ai told me how much seroquel i need to overdose and i have enough to kms 4 times over

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

does anyone lnow a suicide text hotline please i need helo

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

how much seroquel is would k1ll me

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i also only hear from j roughly every 24 hours ever since he moved but hes always talking to s. he doesn't love me like he used to

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

also when i told him i didn't know if i wanted to be poly anymore he looked at me curled up in fetal position crying so hard i couldn't breathe begging to just talk about it and he yelled at me to fuck off. so ive learned im not allowed to be unhappy or regret any decisions ever

000

hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

he told someone in his comments that he wasn't willing to be the shoulder for me to cry about that which hurts so fucking bad every time i read it. like hes my fiance. it just really rubs me the wrong way because it feels like im not allowed to express negative feelings or thoughts anymore.

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

also after i had a breakdown about not wanting to be polyamorous (about two years ago) j made a reddit post talking about how he was upset bc i "screwed around with guys" (i was a sex worker and had explicit permission) but "suddenly" i wanted to be monogamous and ppl kept telling him it seemed +

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i wish i never fucking agreed to being poly. j clearly loves s more than me. it was just me and j for 4 years until he wanted to start dating s. they're obsessed with each other and s is emotionally abusive to me. it's turning me into a person i don't enjoy being. i think im experiencing +

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

a dude who was supposed to sell me weed accepted my friend request on facebook and his account is full of posts saying racism is good and gay ppl should be killed. but im so desperate for weed im not blocking him (yet, at least..)

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i cant call her either bc it costs money and i cant afford $30 for an hour long video call. i wanma d1e

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im tempted to send him a suicide note to see if he even cares. i dont think he does

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i cant even message my best friend bc her piece of shit abusive wife got her arrested

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

i hate bpd i split on my fucking cat. she doesn't deserve this. she deserves better than someone who will yell and is incapable of cleaning. ive been physically unable to even scoop the litter box in over a month. ive let her soil all my clothes. and yet she just keeps coming back to sit in my lap

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im trying so hard not to sabotage my whole relationship i lnow ill feel better when i can get ahold of weed and my meds. im having the urge to abandon everyone before they abandon me. im trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship im never gonna be happy. im not worthy of love

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

im fat im ugly im annoying im unlovable no one truly cares about me. im scared our partner sys doesnt love me like he used to. im too much of a coward to leave and let them and their bf be happy. im going to stay miserable until he leaves me

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hazel 🍡 @bongcalz.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I WANT TO D1IIIIIEEEEEE I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS

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