iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 10m

Nevermind, not sure why but I haven't been feeling well since yesterday (I've been doing this since the day before yesterday, I was fine & comfortable that day), I should probably eat more than I originally planned, but still be careful to not eat a lot. I hope things will still be ok. :/

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Something I'm lucky about is that despite being overweight, I actually don't look fat at all, with clothes on at least. Almost all the fat go to my tummy, there really aren't fatness at sides of my torso, arms or face, just a bit at tighs, my inflated tummy isn't visible with clothes on. :)

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Fuck...I checked at a pharmacy, I became 70 kg, also I am 5"2. I don't mind being "fat" but I don't want to have health problems in the future so I will still try to stay under 70 kg. I will eat 2 times a day & not a lot, which hopefully is good enough, I will still eat&drink tasty stuff so it's ok.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Working on yourself and your life isn't an excuse to treat others horribly, you can do those without doing that.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

If it looks like your friendship with someone is in a bad phase but everything will be fixed&great after that phase is over, sorry but it is not a phase, it is over. I'm talking from my experiences with so many people. Care&effort sadly can't always make a friendship survive either, esp if onesided.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Hi Craig, I've been wondering something. Is the upcoming PPG movie the same PPG project you've been developing which was announced in 2022, or is it something else?

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Something that annoys me is that people that aren't being annoying worry about the idea of being annoying meanwhile people who really are being annoying are too dense to realise it & stop, I wish they could on their own.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Also... Acknowledge & address how filthy you have been, apologise.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

I'd rather be around someone who is blunty honest&rude than someone with dishonesty&fake niceness. Keeping too much stuff to oneself is worse than blunt honesty, some things are meant to be honestly communicated about. Pls don't give people false hopes either, it's worse than telling hurtful facts.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

If someone did something weird, off-putting or creepy, it would be wiser to think more about why they did it.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I will feel something positive from you, even if you don't say it with words. Showing care & support with actions has more meaning than saying you love me. But after all I've been through, I can't trust actions that much either. People can change how they act towards someone in very horrific ways.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

*mean it, sometimes I notice typos too late. Also, to me, actions matter more than words when it comes to showing affection, care,etc. For example, if you say you like me but don't spend time with me, it doesn't hold much value, but if you make time for me & give me enough attention,there's a chance

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

there are ways to know how much someone's presence makes me happy, how much I appreciate them,etc. Me bringing up subjects, being more comedic, being more talkative are positive signs. Teasing is an extra positive one. If I'm nice & chill without much substance, it's a bad sign. The less, the worse.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

My ability to love others is permanently damaged due to really severe trauma since 2024-2025(it's not that bad, it protects me & I don't even want to love others), but this will always be true. People are irreplaceable, all have or had their own unique appreciation from me. Also,despite the erosion,

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

"Vox is a funny villain." -people of good taste

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

My grandma also is more annoying & meaner than she was before, it makes me want to keep a distance. My friends & my mom said it is bc she's old, sounds partly right, it's still disappointing how her attitude got worse, I was fine with her before. I'll demand respect if she does something mean again.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

If you value all I did for you&all we have,recognise the positive things about me, care about my point of view, respect me, accept me the way I am, make effort for me, treat me well, don't take me for granted,thanks. Idgaf if I sound weird. You don't know my pain&have no reason to think lowly of me.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Even if I don't have a close or friendly relationship with any of my relatives, I still thought he was cool. But at this point I lost respect for him & don't wanna see him again. I don't expect from him to apologise. Whatever, family never meant much to me, I'd rather lose a relative than a friend.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Many people have loving relationships with their family meanwhile I have an uncle that thinks it's ok to not allow me in the car & leave me in the street just bc of having a bit of grains of sand on my feet, also a grandma & a mom that can't properly comprehend that he is completely in the wrong.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

If you don't let unpleasant stuff involving me overshadow positive stuff about me in your mind & see unpleasant stuff involving us as things that can be move past from instead of failing to let it go despite their relevancy fading away, know the current version of me & our relationship matter, tysm.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

If you don't hold the uncool things I did years ago when I was dumber, more immature&under way too much mind-breaking emotional distress against me, if you don't let them ruin the way you see the present me or your relationship with me, thank you thank you thank you, that's something I need so much.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

These 2 statements co-exist. -You shouldn't be neglectful towards your friends, take them for granted or unfairly see & treat them as less than other friends. -If you don't spend enough time with a friend or treat them well enough, it's fair if they like someone else more.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

I was talking angrily about other people being bothersome/hurtful towards me. I was doing certain not-so-bad things bc of not wanting to lose friends I value. Just throwing an accusation at me bc of being lazy for emphathy & compassion isn't right. I was flawed, but they were never above me.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

No one called me manipulative for years. That's good. Honestly, some people throw that word around. Really. I was hurt, desparate, at seriously low points when I got seen that way. Usage of that word meant they want to completely villainise me & dismiss my point of view. They failed at compassion.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Funny (not bad); Someone once called one of my kinks sweet and wholesome. Probably an uncommon comment about kinks.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

In June, Discord logged me out & muted me for 2 hours for "suspicious activity" after I reacted to a message with the burger emoji. That's how horrible Discord's auto-moderation is. Fuck Dicksored. I feel like I should be super careful in a suffocating way to protect my account when I get it back.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

People are irreplaceable. Including me. 💙

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

The latter isn't a friend or someone I talk much to, but we have the option to interact&aren't fully out of our lives anymore. These aside, there's someone that has been giving me a lot of attention, I have mixed thoughts about it. It's what I want, but I can't that trust she won't hurt or leave me.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

Yes, I'm factually so much better than everyone who really hurt me.💙

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

I posted this bc I wanted to brag about not being bothered by something that I know many others would be bothered by LOL. I had fun in that server this year, made my life less painful, but it became a lot less active&fun than it was sadly. Trust me,it's an unique to experience to discuss HH with me.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

Even if I care+value them, I'm pretty numb&detached about people. The way I act can give others the idea that I'm less like that than I am, but I'm doing what's appropriate. If my friends knew these, I hope they would understand&forgive me. Thanks if you stay+treat me right, even if I'm hurt&hollow.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

to love people. I don't wish I still could, all loving others did to me was hurt me, it didn't give me anything that's lasting. I'm smart enough to distrust people after all I've been through as well. But if it's of any consolation, I'd really love them if I still functioned the way I did years ago.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

I'm not just using them, I care about them & I want to be friends with them bc of who they are, but I can't say I love them. It isn't bc I'm an asshole, it's bc I can't function like that (anymore). Trauma & dissociation almost completely got rid of my ability to love others. I've got no energy left

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

Not that it was a problem, I simply didn't take the negativity seriously, but I may not have to deal with this anymore, at least not daily. This was related to the Hazbin Hotel server, & I've started to get bored of that server, even if that server was the only one I talked a lot in.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

I've been seeing people hating on, expressing so much negativity towards a big comfort character of mine everyday for months, including but not limited to stuff directed to me. I'm a chill guy, it doesn't bother me. (It would only if they said very specific type of things, thankfully not common.)

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 21/06/2026

In May, a friend I had a fall-out with in 2024 apologised for some things she did. In June, someone else who made my life kind of more hellish than it already was in 2024-2025 apologised, I was able to reconcile with the latter. Found a bit more peace, but I still feel so awful, lonely, unfulfilled.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 08/06/2026

And I can't truly feel like someone is my friend if they don't spend enough time with me. I had friends that I talked to a fair bit, but 1. that sort of thing has very low chance of achievement&requires other party's effort too 2. all those friendships ended horribly,even if I was good towards them.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 08/06/2026

Awkward when someone shows any interest in being friends with me. Not bc I decided to no longer make new friends, but bc I can't feel love, investment, etc. It's fine. I don't think I can be good enough for them. I don't think they'd still be friends with me years later either. These never happen.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 06/06/2026

Ep 9 is a let down for me, but if other people find it satisfying enough, good for them. For me it was predictable & overall not that good. Many things could have been better if they were different, some things were missing too. I still like the other eps, but the pay-off turned out heartbreaking.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 03/06/2026

Happy Pride Month & Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. I'm glad & proud to be aromantic, less glad to be hetero-greysexual. I know my mental health matters even if disgusting degenerates act like it doesn't.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 01/06/2026

Mixing both only makes it better!

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 31/05/2026

I like how if you ask people which character from something they think you're most like all will have different answers. It tells about how they see you too.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 26/05/2026

I watched TADC ep 9 a month early, I didn't like it & even came up with my own version, but still I feel sorry for Gooseworx & TADC still has its special place in my heart. Thank you. Also, I've been sleeping with my Pomni plush next to me lately.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 24/05/2026

Constantly losing friends, being unable to have friends & being lonely bc of other people constantly mistreating me&taking me for granted is so much worse than those happening bc of one's immorality & wrong doings. You're fucking privileged if your friends would still be with you if you weren't bad.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

more like erasing my humanity instead of changing as a person. People naturally want connection. Some things about me changed due to traumas & dissociation. This would be neither normal or involuntary. I wish I was more fortunate. It's fucked up that I'm cornered into thinking of such morbid things.

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

I'm thinking of trying to rewire myself into not wanting/needing friends. I don't think such thing is possible, but I feel like I don't have much of a choice & I have to. I've already involuntarily changed in cold ways, but this is not the same & likely would be self-harm & self-deception. This is

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BlueLight439 @bluelight439.bsky.social · 18/05/2026

He said he has poor friendship maintenance skills, him being busy with other stuff not being the only reason was already obvious. It's a shame but I'm grateful that at least in the end he decided to be honest & apologise. I already knew it is over & had the pain of losing him, so I don't feel worse.

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