Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 4hLove when new customers come into our shop and immediately start slagging off the National party. We must have good vibes 😁 nzpol 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 7hDude came in to service our work printer and now my office smells like the cologne my ex-gf used to wear. I should be allowed to take the rest of the day off. 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 06/10/2026I love that she talked to the media, and not Winston about this. Go off Greta!!! 040
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I have an ultrasound appointment for tomorrow morning and cannot have breakfast or coffee beforehand. My partner has concerns...static.klipy.comHulk Declares 'I'm Hungry!'Alt: Hulk hulking out and saying 'I'm Hungry!' 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 05/10/2026Jaws... I think I was 8.static.klipy.comShark Attack: Great White JawsAlt: Clip of a shark lunging at the camera. 000
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Damn, if it was winter I would suggest this dinner jacket 000
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Staff leaving "can create a perception of overwhelm". All those silly people who thought they were overworked and stressed - it was just a "perception" 🤬 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I am a bit gutted that I don't have the right spot in my house for this ugly, but delightful, piece of NZ memorabilia. www.trademe.co.nz/a/marketplac...trademe.co.nzVintage Mug Crown Lynn Wattie’s 50th Jubilee Commemorative Mug 1934–1984 cream | Trade Me MarketplaceBeautiful Vintage Mug Crown Lynn Wattie’s 50th Jubilee Commemorative Mug 1934–1984 cream It is a fantastic piece of Kiwiana history! This vintage ceramic ... 000
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 28/09/2026My partner went out, and our dog immediately took to the waiting chair. 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Excellent opportunistic graffiti, Levin. 10/10 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Reviewing books like they make most of their legislation - not doing the reading. 1131
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Playing jump scare with a four-year-old is all fun and games until they laugh so hard they poo their pants.static.klipy.comDavid Rose's Disgusted 'Ew' ReactionALT: David Rose's Disgusted 'Ew' Reaction 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 24/09/2026New Zealand also has roads that are 100km/hr or higher. But that doesn't mean all roads are safe at that speed. Many of our main roads are narrow, winding, and poorly maintained. Fatally so, in some cases. 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 24/09/2026It's a "State Highway" in New Zealand. It's a busy, winding single-lane road with heavy traffic and multiple intersections. It's not safe at 100 km/hr, and submissions from locals told the government that. 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Thank god I work in a place where yelling "OH MY GOD, THIS FUCKING GOVERNMENT!" on a regular basis is understood and accepted. 030
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Fucksake. ANOTHER fatal accident on a road where the speed limit was increased to 100 km/hr by this government. Their decisions kill people. #nzpol 25710
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I kinda love that scammers think they should email us in te reo Māori 😂 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 21/09/2026This keeps coming up on my playlist for some reason ... (NSFW obvs) youtu.be/V1uJQto2pVw?...youtu.beMUDRAT - I HATE RICH CUNTS [OFFICIAL VISUALISER]YouTube video by MUDRAT 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 21/09/2026What was it that Luxon said? "Oh cry me a river" 111
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 20/09/2026This is the utterly unrepentant face of a dog who did a poo ten minutes into a bush walk, so mum had to carry poo in her backpack for two hours. 031
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Yeah, very odd. I mentioned it to the phlebotomist and they didn't know what was going on, but was happy to have a quieter work day. 110
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I had the same experience last week - I've never seen the labs empty before. 110
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 16/09/2026"We've been in government for almost three years and have done absolutely NOTHING about this problem. Vote us in, and we'll give a bit more thought." 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 12/09/2026When I bought my house eight years ago, the real estate agent gave me an orchid. I don't particularly like them, so I left it in the pot and chucked it behind the shed. And today, I found it looking like this. 😁 🌱🇳🇿 061
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Now, I don't particularly believe in karma. But ... crikey. That's one hell of a coincidence. 050
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 09/09/2026On Monday, my partner was undercharged $500 at Mitre10. Being the honest fucking soul she is, she went back to let them know and to pay it. Yesterday we got a call from Ministry of Justice to say they had $500 for us, in reparations from a burglary in 2021. That we didn't even know we were owed 😮 130
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Without saying your age, what's your favourite movie that came out when you were 20 years old? (So many great gifs to choose from!)static.klipy.comA Plague On Both Your Houses Romeo And Juliet QuoteAlt: “A Plague On Both Your Houses” from Romeo And Juliet, directed by Baz Luhrmann 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Just gave a verbal reference for a staff member who is applying to work at the NZ election. One of the questions was about political neutrality, and if they were campaigning for 'any political party'. "She thinks the current coalition is a bunch of cunts" is the answer I did not give. 152
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Today I learned that pūkeko can actually fly! I had no idea they could get to the top of a 5-metre tall tree. 130
Reposted by Bespoke SwearsAndrew Chen @andrewtychen.bsky.social · 24/08/2026Helpful diagram from their fact sheet: 11114
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I don't think 'rustic' means what they think it means. 180
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 12/08/2026Oh my god - Luxon put that 90-second presser on his own Facebook page. Like it makes him look good or something? Fucking hell. The comments are brutal. #nzpol 2314
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Our industry body for the last 40 years: Customers want authenticity, connection, to know your story and who you really are. Our industry body in 2026: You should make everything with AI, THE PEOPLE LOVE IT. Me:static.klipy.comClue: Flames on the Side of My FaceAlt: Scene from the movie Clue: Mrs White saying "Flames on the Side of My Face" 000
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Oh well, this is a lovely bit of news to wake up to. Go ComCom, go! www.rnz.co.nz/news/busines...rnz.co.nzCommerce Commission takes Foodstuffs South Island to courtThe Commerce Commission says it is taking Foodstuffs South Island to court, alleging "far-reaching anti-competitive conduct that deprived customers of cheaper prices". 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 03/08/2026I don't know if this is the sticker I'd choose for a work van that clearly identified my business. But why the fuck not, mate. 😁 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 02/08/2026I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks - wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a government that actually *likes* its people? The coalition clearly thinks we’re an inconvenience, at best. 090
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Hang on, if businesses aren’t interested in what the government is doing, then why are big businesses giving you and Seymour so much fucking money, Christopher?! #nzpol 0143
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 30/07/2026Told one of our regular customers that we're saying goodbye to our old dog next week - and he thought he should tell me how *every dog he's ever had* has died. NO THANK YOU.static.klipy.comWoman Crying and Covering Her FaceAlt: Woman Crying and Covering Her Face 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Love it when a customer and I are chatting about the state of *things*, and we have to gently dance around politics in case the other person is a Nat/ACT/NZFirst supporter. And then we both finally figure out the other person is normal and we can just slag off the current bunch. 060
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 27/07/2026I went to Mitre 10 and only bought the things on my list. Something is definitely wrong. 100
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 27/07/2026My mum watched the Kylie doco and said "I didn't know she was a gay icon!", and that's why straight people shouldn't be allowed to vote on laws for gay people. 040
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 23/07/2026Bow Wow boutique do a great range of cute, durable, made-in-NZ collars - www.bowwowboutique.co.nz/38mm-wide-do... 110
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 22/07/2026Yes, it's fucking political Everything's political 020
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 21/07/2026Oh, fantastic! I needed some good news today! 😁 030
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 21/07/2026My fat face accidentally pushed a button on my cellphone screen while I was on a call, and my phone started recording the conversation! I didn't even know that button existed! Whoops. 010
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 19/07/2026Oh my god. We had an annoying flatmate called David when this ad was on TV. Called him Same Day David until he moved out. 140
Bespoke Swears @bespokeswears.bsky.social · 19/07/2026I’m well aware that they’re all evil. But some things you just can’t buy at small retailers. And not everyone has the privilege/luck of a local butchers, Bin Inn or a green grocers nearby. 110