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damn i wish i was your lawyer

@bermanmatt.bsky.social
1.1K followers 355 following 8.1K posts

Holding on to the Oxford comma. #BLM | bokononist

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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 20h
Another excellent production from Signature Theatre. Does it hold up to the fantastic Jonathan Goff Broadway Merrily? No. But it hits more than enough moments and heights to be a worthwhile addition to any theatergoers collection of Merrily We Roll Alongs.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
One of my favorite things about Phish fans is that we can simultaneously believe that it was better back when Phish used to play a hundred shows a year and also believe that Phish is playing too many shows.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Every organization thinks *you* are supposed to be infinitely flexible and available to cater to the dates they set and any last minute change in scheduling they decide to make but *they* are incapable of accommodating anybody else's conflicts or taking other known schedules into consideration.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I think it's terrible that the Republican Party continues to support the death penalty, but also terrible that they believe in a life penalty and think it's fine to torture, imprison, or otherwise penalize harmless, normal people just for being different from them or living their lives differently.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I'm confused by everything in this article. People don't remember this song or this band or this style? Who are these "people"? Sure, it's cringingly earnest, but so what? Weren't these guys kinda just Rusted Root Pt. 2? Beats the hell out of that Hey There Delilah song. www.vice.com/en/article/m...
vice.com
An Obituary for Edward Sharpe, the Magnetic Zeros, and Earnestness
As its latest menacing wave of virality peters out, we celebrate the most cringe artifact from the most cringe period in human history.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I appreciate that Tom Cruise has decided to try his hand at "Acting" again, but Digger looks about as enjoyable as subjecting yourself to 2 hours of unnecessary dentistry under the hallucinatory and auditory effects of nitrous but with none of its distancing or numbing properties.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I regret to inform you that tomorrow is October 1st and we have officially hit the Oh Shit That Went Fast end of year stretch run.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Happy 69th birthday to Fran Drescher. I worked 2 seasons on The Nanny and Fran was far nicer to me than she had to be. She's a legit Jersey girl who made it big despite some real hard shit in her life; it's been cool and unsurprising seeing her continue to kick ass in her post-Nanny life.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
We've just upgraded at work from Windows 10 to Windows 11 and the big selling point seems to be that now nothing works.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
It's fun seeing the blogosphere discover today that the *other* Missouri senator is also a total dipshit.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Try and John Mayer should do something super funny like do an entire tour together as "Jon and Trey's Almost Eagles" and play 3 hours just of jammed out Eagles songs.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Today on "What's Stuck in Matt's Headspace?": I've always loved the undertones of dread and menace that permeate this song. And the harmony they add for just the final verse... chef's kiss. youtu.be/3xz4umNws0s?...
youtu.be
Morphine - Thursday (Official Music Video)
YouTube video by RHINO
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Nats win the season finale! Commanders win and upset the Super Bowl Champs! Let's make it a trifecta with the Mystics, eh?
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Watching 3 dudes work out their group order while waiting in line at a BBQ place with such intensity and focus you'd think these guys were negotiating the Treaty of Ghent or something.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Lifted two weekends in a row. It ain't much, but it's two more times than I'd done for like a year before that. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... or something like that.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Bit of a late dinner but we'll pretend we're Spanish or something.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Today on "What's Stuck in Matt's Headspace?": In Jules Shear's original version, he sings, "I'd be giving it to her." The Bangles change it to "he'd be giving it to her," and it makes it so much better. Susannah Hoffs' smokey eye should be in some kinda Hall of Fame. youtu.be/mu_pNeqAQ-U?...
youtu.be
The Bangles, Susanna Hoffs - If She Knew What She Wants
YouTube video by TheBanglesVEVO
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
But what do I do the rest of the week? Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
Fortune: "This Thursday, trust the timing of your life's journey."
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Happy weekend y'all. youtu.be/n2MtEsrcTTs?...
youtu.be
Neil Young - Harvest Moon [Official Music Video]
YouTube video by neilyoungchannel
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Personally I like to show up to a job interview with *two* coffees so they know I'm seeing someone and I don't think this will take very long.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I've literally spent 2 and a half hours on hold with Ticketmaster over 3 calls in the past 24 hours and have managed to reach a person once. Daydreaming about applying to work at the DOJ in the next Democratic administration just to antitrust these fuckers out of existence.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Flannel shirt: Activated. #ItsFallBitches
First Fall Flannel.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
that pops up awful high on the list, pal
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
If you were trying to make up funny names for a new U2 album and song specifically to make people roll their eyes and say "ugh" but not be sure if you were joking, you'd be hard-pressed to come up with something more perfect than "Carnaval de Luz" and "Silencio."
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
You know how ever time period gets a shorthand name like "The Gilded Age" or "the Post-Cold War era"? I propose we call this Age of Assholes.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Hmmmn, seems bad.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
You ever realize Obama stopped being President a decade ago but we're still dealing with a country full of idiots angry about him being President.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Well guess it's time to stop flying. www.thebanner.com/community/tr...
thebanner.com
Feds to debut AI air traffic tool at BWI, DC airports before nationwide rollout
Federal officials said this week that the Strategic Management of Airspace Routing Trajectories system, or SMART tool, is launching for the capital region’s three main airports — BWI, Dulles and DCA —...
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I've never had a single ad for a soft pretzel company show up in my Facebook feed and then one of you skeeted something about ads for soft pretzel companies showing up in your Facebook feed and now I have ads for soft pretzel companies showing up in my Facebook feed.
static.klipy.com
Mesmerizing Mandelbrot Zoom Fractal Journey
ALT: Mesmerizing Mandelbrot Zoom Fractal Journey
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Office lunch today had really tasty BBQ chicken and baked beans and it reminded me of a deli I used to hit years ago that served the most delicious pasta salad with its takeout sandwiches. One time I asked the owner what he put in it that made it so good and he said, "Sugar."
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Today on "What's Stuck in Matt's Headspace?": I woke up this morning with Ozzy Osbourne's "Flying High Again" stuck in there but somehow ended up with this in its place tonight. I guess the headspace is a vast, weird, and variable chamber of music sometimes. youtu.be/znlFu_lemsU?...
youtu.be
Mary J. Blige - Family Affair (Official Music Video)
YouTube video by MaryJBligeVEVO
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Another weird thing is how when it's an insanely hot, sunny day, everyone loses it and drives like bafuckin' idiots, but when it's a dark, rainy day, everyone also loses and drives like bafuckin' idiots.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Very brave of Republican congressmen to announce before an imminent election that they want to end the deeply unpopular war in Iran that their President and their party unilaterally started and that they personally have voted over and over and over again to allow.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
It's kinda wild that when it's summer and there's so much daylight people are like, "Take it easy!" at work but when it starts getting dark and cold out and all anyone in their right mind wants to do is sleep or squeeze something into the few tiny sunlight hours they're like, "No, work harder now."
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Mmmmm Fall
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
My Yom Kippur thought is that the Rams should atone for these jerseys.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Shana tova.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
It is "I could actually wear pants" degrees in DC today.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Aw look at Vanilla Nice trying to do damage control. www.vulture.com/article/ed-s...
vulture.com
Ed Sheeran Addresses Macklemore, Censorship, and Gaza at Philly Show
Sheeran said he is speaking to people “across the spectrum to work out how to make a contribution that helps victims of these terrible times.”
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
GOOD MORNING BLUESKY youtu.be/Gs069dndIYk?...
youtu.be
Earth, Wind & Fire - September (Official HD Video)
YouTube video by EarthWindandFireVEVO
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
As a Commanders fan I'd really like to know what the hell we did to deserve this. Come on man.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Not a great sign that we're only a week into the kids' sports seasons and I'm already tired of all the douchey sports bro dads looking to relive their douchey sports bro youth through their kids' sports teams.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I guess all it took for the Titans to have their first ever good uniform set was for them to just wear the Oilers' ones with their logo slapped on them.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
When this man finally dies, I think an awful lot of people are going to be making their own considerably more economical triumphal arches on his grave.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Bikini Kill.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
John Mayer taking things in a different direction.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I went to Japan once about 15 years ago, and a thing that's stuck with me was the sense that as a society they understood that even the most menial jobs - trash men, fast food workers, whatever - were necessary and important, and that the people doing them deserved respect for it.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I was getting these terrible foot cramps and foot pain after playing tennis and I finally went out and bought some new shoes and it turns out you're supposed to replace those every once in a while.
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damn i wish i was your lawyer @bermanmatt.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
My son just told me that in phonics he tested above grade level and according to his test results he did and I'm very proud of him but also he pronounced it Phone-ex so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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