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Rob (the floor one)

@barmageddon.bsky.social

5.2K followers 547 following 29K posts

Writer, millennial, certified baby whisperer. My phone has been on silent since 2011 and everyone can just deal with it. What Would Jim Larkin Do? sports alt: bsky.app/profile/robadelphia.gobird…

Posts Replies Media

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

two panel meme from the show it's always sunny in philadelphia. in the first frame, a man is placing a bowl of food in front of another man who is sitting at a kitchen table. the first man is labeled bluesky. the sitting man is labeled me. the food is labeled posts about kelly clarkson. in the second frame, the sitting man is tossing the bowl down a hallway.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

no thank you please

screenshot of a bsky post, author not visible. it’s a video, and in this frame a man is filming himself outside a building. text of the post says “I have been spitting on West End Family Counseling Service and Victory Outreach Church for the last 3 years since finding a microphone in my head about Adam Sotero Valdez and Rosie Villarreal’s accusations that I killed my dad whome cannot collude when he died, after finding a microphone on my head.”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

😭

screenshot of the national hockey league standings showing that the philadelphia flyers are currently 30th of 32 teams and haven’t won any of their first five games

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

i’m here you fuckaas bangs

photo of a strip mall storefront. the place is called image beauty salon.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

fuck's sake

screenshot of a bluesky post that has the author removed. it says "Easy solutions are rarely wise. As with anything worth doing the solutions are complex and difficult and prone to error over enough time. For example, "eliminating sexism" (whatever that means) could cause people to ignore issues specific to female reproductive systems."

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

image of a strange rock-like creature. text says “rocky hate mark.” it’s from a scene in the movie project hail mary.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

here’s the deal: i’ll climb on, and then you touch me until i can’t remember my own name who says no

picture of a massage chair. it’s the kind where you sit and lean forward and there are cushions for your head, chest, arms, and knees. and your ass of course.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

kombucha girl meme. three frames of the same woman making different expressions during a video. the first expression is pure disgust. in the second frame her eyebrows are raised and her head is cocked as though she is surprised and no longer disgusted. in the third frame she is looking down dismissively and text says "no."

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

jim, this is an apple pie. your mom made it for dessert.

low-quality image of jim from the movie american pie. he’s a teenaged boy whose sweaty brow has been darkened by realization he’s about to have sex with an apple pie.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

blessings upon her house

screenshot of two bluesky posts. the first, from me, says:

[well-meaning dad] ok who is Butch Lesbians

the response, from a person whose name has been removed, says:

“Haha, butches are lesbians with masculine-leaning personalities that take on a "masculine" role in romantic/sexual relationships, being chivalrous, protective, etc. We usually (but not always) pair with more feminine lesbians. It's complex/nuanced, but that's the best I can do in 300 characters!”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

a four-panel nancy comic strip. in the first frame, sluggo casually strolls along a sidewalk. his speech bubble says "who?" in the second frame, sluggo is still walking along and smiling. his speech bubble again says, "who?" third frame, it's still sluggo, he's still strolling, and he says it again, "Who?" in the fourth frame, nancy watches sluggo from behind a bush. her face is contorted with disgust. sluggo carries along unaware, musical notes dancing above his head. his final speech bubble says "whooo let the dogs out."

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

this post is for your husband

stock image of a wooden post

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

pete hegseth speaking emphatically in front of an enormous american flag with a slogan on it. the slogan has been changed to say LETHAL, AGILE, PENILE.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

screenshot of two bluesky posts. the first is from me and says “you’re gonna get a jar in the mail with a label on it that says “burrito fart” just open that bad boy up and take a big whiff it’s a surprise present.” and the response is from future dad of two and says “omg i love presents”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

my globetrotting baby sister is now on etsy selling curated travel kits based on what she needs and uses while on the move traveling? have a look tell her rob sent you www.etsy.com/shop/PortCol...

text says:
port collective
now open
use code POCOLAUNCH for 10 percent off your purchase

text-only image listing the contents of one of three options

for the business traveler or frequent flyer

thoughtfully packed in a reusable pouch

retractable USB-C cord
custom size earplugs and case
pill case
perfume atomizer
hard ginger candy
electrolyte powder
tissues
hand sanitizer wipe
sewing kit
floss picks and case
soap strips
mints
citrus packets
blister bandages
stain remover wipe
hand sanitizer single

text-only image listing the contents of one of three options

for the everyday traveler

thoughtfully packed in a reusable pouch

jewelry pouch
custom size earplugs and case
pill case
perfume atomizer
hard ginger candy
electrolyte powder
tissues
hand sanitizer wipe
sewing kit
floss picks and case
soap strips
mints
citrus packets
blister bandages
stain remover wipe
hand sanitizer single

text-only image listing the contents of one of three options

for the girls trip

thoughtfully packed in a reusable pouch

touch-up kickstand mirror
jewelry pouch
pill case
perfume atomizer
hard ginger candy
electrolyte powder
tissues
hand sanitizer wipe
sewing kit
earplugs with case
floss picks
floss case
soap strips
mints
citrus packets
blister bandages
stain remover wipe
hand sanitizer single

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

senator eric schmitt sits during a hearing as a large board is held up behind him. the board has childish handwriting on it that says “evedens: u watch hawk w/eyes”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

me: i’m not a catholic or at all religious and i think all that stuff is silly my wallet:

photo of my open wallet. a small laminated card says “saint colmcille’s gartan clay. this person is protected against sudden death, fire, and drowning.” there is a speck of white clay.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

photo of actor javier bardem smiling pleasantly at the canera

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

some of you really have this turned on huh isn’t humanity fascinating (negative)

screenshot of bluesky settings for likes of reposts. mine are off.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

image of a child turning and looking over their shoulder while saying something. it’s from a famous vine where someone said “hey i’m lesbian” and the kid said “i thought you were american.”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

when that guy rob is over again and he brought his hands

photo of a cat staring into the camera. a hand is scritching the cat’s neck. the cat’s eyes are big and black and kind of intense and you’re not quite sure how this cat is feeling. but if this were a video you would have heard him pitifully meow that he wanted some goddamn scritches. then you’d realize that the cat isn’t angry, the cat simply craves my hands on its body. i have this effect on a lot of people, i mean cats

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

still image from a winnie the pooh cartoon showing rabbit aghast with their hands to their face and pooh’s enormous rear end stuck in the hole that is the door to rabbit’s house.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

black and white photo of a little boy standing in water. the boy is wearing shorts, sandals, and an oakland raiders t-shirt. he’s pointing at something off screen and looking back with an expression of pure delight at a person who is also off screen. he exudes a wide-eyed, open-mouthed joy and wonder found only in those as yet untouched by the worries of the world. a light source highlights the rippled surface of the water, but it’s unclear from the dark photo where exactly the boy is standing or what type of water feature it might be. it almost appears as though he’s walking on top of it.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

two sequential images of sean penn from the movie mystic river. in both images he is standing in sunshine in front of a residential door and brick wall with only his head and shoulders visible. in the first image he has his hands help up at shoulder height, palms inward, fingers up, in a gesture that says "hey, it is what it is" in the second image he is putting on black sunglasses.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

a painting of john calvin alongside text. the text says, hold still lisa you slut, leonardo da vinci.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

when the girl you’re talking to has a hot granddaughter

image of a disheveled robin williams in the movie hook with a blank “what have i done” type expression.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

still image taken from the quoted video. george santos is in the water with a life jacket on and he’s holding onto the side of a wooden dock or raft with his fingers. his forehead is resting against his hands in exhaustion and defeat.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

yes

it's the meme of the guy standing up and saying something at a town hall meeting or something, a norman rockwell painting of a guy in a roughed up brown jacket and plaid shirt

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

van gogh's famous starry night painting, except the moon has been replaced by cait's cat sleeping in his little cat bed

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

lmao

screenshot of two bsky posts. the first is me posting my astrological chart. the second is D saying “i thought libras were supposed to be likable”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

photo of a woman looking at the camera with an expression that could be concern, disappointment, and/or discomfort.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

me when i sense nutella in the vicinity

still image taken from an old black and white 1950s newsreel about a water diviner. a woman in a field has one arm outstretched and her head is back slightly, as if she is being pulled in the direction she is pointing. the video is really something. basically it's a woman having a seizure in a field and then telling farmers where water is.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

image of jon hamm in mad men. it’s from the scene where he says “i don’t think about you at all.”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

“anything,” you say?

image from the movie it’s a wonderful life. george is holding a robe and saying “ this is a very interesting situation”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

yearbook photo of a teenaged boy in an ill-fitting suit and bow tie. the kid has a buzzed head, sideburns below his ears, and he's grinning at the camera like he knows a secret, and the secret is that he can make you laugh whenever he wants. below the picture it says robert. the last name is hidden. then it says best sense of humor.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

gonna have to change my name again bc this has me vibrating

screenshot of my weather app. today shows a high of 78, tomorrow a high of 74, and then the entire next week has highs below 70 and lows below 60.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

seriously though i came close to putting this on. i’m very tired

promotional image for a documentary called JFK’s women, the scandals revealed

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

still image from the movie the great escape. a man in a world war 2 prisoner of war camp is climbing a barbed wire fence out in the open in the middle of the day. it’s the scene where ives couldn’t take it anymore, ran for the fence, and was shot.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

i feel seen

photo of a keychain with two things on it: a single house key, and a sad cartoon donkey figure. it’s eeyore!

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

black and white photo of two cats sitting inside a house and looking out through a glass front door

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

image of will smith angrily saying something as lupita nyong’o looks on in the background. it’s the moment when will smith told chris rock to keep his wife’s name out of his mouth during the slapping incident.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

the age of plastic paddies is at an end. now is the time of the loo roll liam

photo of ed sheeran on stage in an ireland shirt

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

screenshot of my drafts folder. the only thing in there is a draft from two weeks ago that says “my drafts folder is empty”

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

👀 www.bbc.com/news/article...

text only image. text says "first ministers of wales, scotland, and northern ireland to meet in cardiff"

screenshot of a quote from an article. the following portions are highlighted: "there is a strong case for practical political cooperation" and "on the right to self-determination."

full paragraph text: "Following the historic Senedd election in Wales and the changing political landscape across these islands, there is a strong case for practical political cooperation on areas including energy, the economy and our relationship with Europe, as well as on the wider political and constitutional questions facing our nations and on the right to self-determination," they added.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

catherine, i’m broke

two photos. the first is a close up of a person whispering in another person’s ear. the second photo is an arm with goosebumps.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

hello is this stick club

photo of a blackthorn walking stick lying on a bed. it’s a good stick. it has fun little blackthorn nobs all over it and a little metal handle.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

wanted to show someone this but DMs don't have pictures, ignore this

photo of a woman standing on a porch. the woman is wearing jeans. inside the woman's jeans, there appears to be a very large butt. also the woman's head has been replaced with a grinning george W bush head. the head doesn't even match the body position, it's very sloppy. who would waste their time doing something like this? why? we don't know.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

image of channing tatum from the movie 22 jump street. text says, my name is jif.

Rob (the floor one) @floorisbed.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

when you don’t laugh at my jokes, this is who you’re not laughing at

yearbook photo of a teenaged boy in an ill-fitting suit and bow tie. the kid has a buzzed head, sideburns below his ears, and he’s grinning at the camera like he knows a secret, and the secret is that he can make you laugh whenever he wants. below the picture it says robert. the last name is hidden. and then it says best sense of humor.