iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

i dont get people. i really hate people. i dont want to keep being a person if this is what it has to be.

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

and now someone is playing really really loud music. yay.

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

have always wanted me dead. but they’re right. there’s no point in me being alive. i almost had a good day. i tried going to the gym and took a coworker to uniqlo. but i will always be treatd like a second class citizen. i just want everything to end.

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

i almost caved and called someone but remembered that no one actually cares and this is my life. this is how everyone treats me. even if i called a “friend” i would just know they wouldn’t actually treat me any better in the long run. even if it hurts me i’d rather be stubborn than go to people who

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

have to pretend i wasn’t crying at all when he comes to get me. a lyft is $20 and i’m trying to cut back.

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

i just wish he didn’t fucking lie to me???? and apparently now i have to continue to monitor another old person’s health????? life isn’t fair. my bf is out so he isn’t answering me and i know it’s not his fault but i really don’t want to talk to any of my friends still. i’m cry so hard but i then

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 10/10/2026

i told my dad i was going home at x time and he called me to complain that he’s now diabetic and has high cholesterol so he had to pick up his medicine. after that and arriving to the train station it turns out that he went to go get massaged so i’ve been waiting almost 40 minutes for him to get me

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 08/10/2026

i had 3 panic attacks yesterday fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun i really hope my depression kills me this time i can’t stand this

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i just. can’t do this anymore. i wish i could just start over completely sometimes and abandon everyone who’s hurt me like they have done to me so many times

010

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i am simply such an afterthought they can’t put in the effort for like. a regular checkin. i keep seeing that i’m supposed to build a village but i don’t know how i’m supposed to when i can’t rely on anyone

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

. i know i can’t fix most of my problems by myself and environmental stuff is out of my control but i truly do not trust most of the people i know. i don’t believe in my close friends. i hate how my mental health is nothing to them when i’ve had to push my feelings down when they’ve wronged me or

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i know this isn’t something most people can fix but i live so far and like. i feel it all the time. i feel isolated, i feel hurt whenever i’m left out, i feel it every single time

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

when my mom died. i suffered by myself during a lot of it. i had to figure it all out on my own. i still grieve over that

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

thinking about times i went out of my way only to receive nothing back. nothing nothing nothing

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i know social media is NOT the place to get validation but i’m trying to figure out how i’m supposed to communicate with people when i’m ignored and not thought of

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i’m supposed to reach out for help. guess what? i didn’t receive any. i got texts that were just like hey sorry you’re going through a hard time. or been like “hey wanna hang out!” not acknowledging my pain. and god i know i sound pathetic and angsty but it hurts how people ignore me

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i’m scared to respond to messages and go back on twitter/social media because. well. after my response then what? no one will continue to care about me

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

fucking pathetic and awful lol like. something something about how i can’t Really leave home especially now and how i’ve watched people around me, for more than a decade, get to live their lives while i’m stuck here. it hurts every single day

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

god. yesterday i had to go to a happy hour and this coworker i hang out with sometimes asked me if i still live at home and i was like yeah i kinda became the caretaker of my family i guess and she was like oh that sucks my friend had to stay in our hometown to do that too. and i just felt so

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

do you think i want to be fucking bursting into tears whenever im left alone with my thoughts for 4 minutes. whenever i think about my life and how unloved i feel

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 07/10/2026

i am crying before work can it end can it seriously ends

100

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 05/10/2026

guys i’m at a family wedding and there’s this random korean guy who is wearing khakis and a normal striped sweaters i’m cryibg

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 05/10/2026

like yeah i got messages but i already know it all means nothing. i’m not stupid. that’s what i am to people, nothing.

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 05/10/2026

ive always felt this way though. ill be broken for the rest of my life. even with treatment it just feels like i’ll never shake this off.

010

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 05/10/2026

i still dont think im doing better and i just dont even know if i want to. i hate the people around me, i hate what friendship has become, i hate being in this world where no one really cares

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 05/10/2026

resisting the urge to message ppl about why theyve been bad to you . seeing mutuals and getting upset because they made you think they wanted to be friends but they ended up treating you like nothing lol

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 02/10/2026

i just. i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i’m only on bluesky bc i don’t talk to anyone on here i tried looking at instagram the other day and . it hurt so much. everything hurts so much right now. even hanging out with my low stakes friends who aren’t really my friends is is triggering

030

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 02/10/2026

i can’t keep living like this but if i keep living like this i will die. it hasn’t affected my work at least but work is work; i don’t have to think about the people around me who have let me down. who only care about what i can offer them. who aren’t there for me when it matters.

120

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 02/10/2026

i spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT thinking about how my friends make me feel like garbage. i extensively think that no one is worth talking to and that even if my friends have reached out they will stop caring about me after i “feel better” and i’ll have the same breakdown next year.

120

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 02/10/2026

i almost threw up last night because of how alone being around people makes me feel lately. if anything at all can help with it i desperately need it.

120

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 02/10/2026

i think the trigger was that this morning i extensively planned out my ^ and i thought about how i’d send my ^ notes. yesterday i went out with my work friends and then had a breakdown at home, i literally can’t be around people right now. they are triggering to me. i’m trying but i cried so hard

120

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 02/10/2026

after years of sidestepping it i set up a consult w a psychiatrist. i really, really don’t want to go on an ssri but i am struggling really badly. i don’t want to gain weight and antidepressants won’t fix my homelife that is out of my control but i can’t spend one day with my brain lately

130

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

fucking kill me i’m so miserable but i’m working on my mango sticky rice cookie recipe. this one was the only good looking one but i’m getting closer. i messed up the base and never get the sticky rice ratio right but it’s getting slightly closer. i might do sago only next time instead.

020

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

how many more times am i going to feel this way? every year for the rest of my days? my life sucks, everything sucks. i have never known a life where anything is worth it.

010

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

i give up on everything. i give up on everyone. even if i get out of this funk i no longer want to put in the effort i used to put into my relationships because it is fucking useless. but hopefully before then i fucking die because i can’t take this anymore.

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

i just. i can’t. i don’t know how to keep living. i don’t want to see anyone. i don’t want to talk to anyone. i feel so sick and i know i need to stop but i can’t stop thinking these thoughts, especially because they are true. i am disappointed again and again. i just want to give up

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

i’m trying so hard to reintegrate like at work and stuff but i have an inherent feeling of dread. i have had absolute breakdowns nearly every other day. someone texted me the other day and i had a meltdown because of how the people around me have been making me feel

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

so too so i’m just stuck. there is no escape. i live in an environment where i’m unloved, i have no support other than my bf who is the only person who has kept me from ***ing myself, but he is also frustrating sometimes. i just have no motivation to talk to anyone because they’ll keep hurting me

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

i do not have any hope anymore. i had a breakdown over this shit last year and no one extremely cared and this year is the same. i can’t go one day without thinking about how horrible i feel. about how i have no hope for anything or anyone. my grandparents are living with me until november or

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 01/10/2026

i type and retype all my ramblings but then jsut sigh. because i’m so uncared for and unloved like i’m not going to be listened to anyway. i wish i did not spend all of my life online because it’s a hard habit to break. i do not wish to be typing this either, believe me. but all i can do is scream.

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 27/09/2026

i was playing it with someone a while ago and never finished it ngl… i feel like especially towards the end it got really convoluted and nothing was answered

010

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 26/09/2026

everything is so hopeless and pointless

010

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 26/09/2026

wow i really have been having a depressive episode for a straight month. i still feel the same so awesome. can i please just kill myself already. i think the only reason why i should go on an ssri is that i can get enough seratonin to kms

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 26/09/2026

omggg umdc fans unite…

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 26/09/2026

i really just don’t know anymore. i feel so sick but i know no one cares. i really know that

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 26/09/2026

man. i’m trying to recover and look at dms but i really just. look and them and want to cry. i just keep thinking, none of these people actually care about me.

110

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 25/09/2026

The only saving grace is that the PA told me i smell good and my friend got me a salt bread at work even though i’ve been ghosting everyone (killing myself)

010

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 25/09/2026

I left at 2:20 for my appt at 3:40. got here at 3:40. I just. I can’t man

000

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 25/09/2026

The subway SWITCHED DIRECTIONS WHILE I WAS ON IT. And i misplaced my driver’s license. Ohhhh my god lmfao I seriously need to be shot in the head

220

yaoi @ayer.drive-in.lol · 25/09/2026

i don’t know why my life has to be so bad :)

000