iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 13/11/2025

i am a monster i am a disgusting human being i am not the person i thought i was i don't know i'm so lost i don't know anything nothing makes sense i don't get it anymore see you all whenever

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 08/11/2025

i am just going through the motions at this point. i'm not breaking down as often but i still don't feel any different i wish i was normal

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

i have insane thoughts turning them to insane actions is risky the forever struggle

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

i want to scream but i must control myself if i tell myself i am okay and that everything is okay over and over, surely one day i will believe it right? i have been so incredibly volatile and i just internalize it all. i'm tearing myself apart. i don't know what to do, i'm so exhausted, wanna kms

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 03/11/2025

yeah last nights dreams are just a today reminder that i am still in intense pain and i am just pretending i'm not a reminder that there is no escape and that i am delusional a reminder that the void has already swallowed me whole and i'm just coping that i still have time i want to die so bad

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 03/11/2025

had a dream that was nice but effectively taunting me of things i cannot have fuck you. already suffering enough let me at least pretend to recover

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

i think i wanna explode i don't like this i both want to be normal and i also want to stop pretending to be normal i want to stop the noise

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 29/10/2025

i am so incredibly frustrated and upset. nothing goes right ever and i can't stop thinking about the same bullshit over and over. i don't want to live in this timeline anymore

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

i feel like a shell of myself i feel like my soul was forcefully ripped out from my chest it feels like no matter how i try to recover, there will be a constant stinging reminder of every mistake, every moment that led me to this point. a reminder that i do not deserve literally anything. kill me.

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

why is emotional regulation so difficult i wanna be stable

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

i know therapy doesn't magically fix things instantly, but i really hope we get through a lot tomorrow.

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

i feel like i need to throw up i feel so isolated and like i can't share my interests with basically anyone it'll be fine i'm just complaining

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 26/10/2025

i made it through another day i feel okay, too. i fluctuated throughout the day but i didn't crash out at a single point. i hope that one day again, this will be the norm, and that i never fall back to this point again. it's a hard ask, but i have hope. i will do it for them, if not myself. gn

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 26/10/2025

i looked at myself in the mirror and thought i looked cute i never think that i lifted my own mood with that

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 25/10/2025

today is the day and nothing is different. which is good. why does my brain convince me the world is going to end all the time, it's not fair i am fine, at least somewhat. it's just another day, i've lived many of these already. all i have to do is not shatter to the point where i lose the pieces

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 25/10/2025

I went and played games and blasted music and everything calmed down. I once again felt like things were okay i hate this so much. i wish i could control these emotions better. that burden is entirely on me but i am lacking the tools for it right now. i hope therapy kicks into gear cuz i need it to

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 24/10/2025

its gonna be alright, even if i check constantly hoping for a different result, i will survive

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 24/10/2025

the mood songs today: Pain Killer - Grabbitz Dead Man Walking - Grant & Ellis Die Hard - Stela Cole I Feel Like I'm Drowning - Two Feet Die For You - Mori Calliope Now or Nevermind - Stela Cole STREET GARDEN - Skybreak Willow Tree - Cadmium How to Get What You Want - Elise Trouw

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 24/10/2025

i've been in and out of conciousness and it is genuinely fascinating the things my brain can just make up and have me believe. especially in such a short timeframe, it took four minutes for the most insane scenario to play out and for me to open my eyes and check something lmao anyway time for work

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 24/10/2025

I am not always the best with words and expressing my emotions in ways that are the best (to put it lightly). but I can't express how much it really does matter to me that people care. even if i don't respond. even if i don't seem to ever notice. i promise that i have seen it and i cannot express

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 23/10/2025

i am spectacular aren't i hyperventilating and crying while still forcing myself to work forever shower soon i need to be okay again

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 23/10/2025

i truly can't believe how fragile i am i'm throwing rocks at my own glass house need to relax

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 22/10/2025

"I didn't get better for me. I didn't fight for me. I fought because love like that is worth fighting for" it's near impossible for me to care enough about myself individually to get better. but i will spend the rest of my life getting better so i can feel that love again

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 22/10/2025

why is today my busiest day of work. can i reschedule my panic attack for later

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 22/10/2025

i'm finding myself doing some impulsive habits that definitely don't help my mental. i don't have a great solution other than "distract harder" unfortunately. i'm working on it though, hoping i can cut that out soon

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 21/10/2025

short dissociation into hyperventiating session is actually healthy. i read about it online

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 21/10/2025

so, it's been two weeks since the pastebin. i haven't self harmed in about 8 days, and haven't really thought about it much at all. thoughts of death come and go but i at least feel slightly more equipped to handle them. i've started therapy again. i had an intake appt on thursday, and i had

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 19/10/2025

dude i hate being terrified of spiders, big one and my heartrate spiked like 40bpm

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 18/10/2025

i had a dream i was sexually assaulted

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 13/10/2025

new advancement: maybe have bpd

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 13/10/2025

i just need to make it to thursday.

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 12/10/2025

i don't know if i want to do anything ever again. i want to stop thinking and feeling pain. i want to roll over and just stop breathing. i am so tired of this. i want to have anything feel better but i just can't. it's all my fault as usual snd so i will continue to pay that price until i kms. yay

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 10/10/2025

yeah i don't talk to anyone ever and then when i do make a connection that i want to keep i fucking sabotage it and ruin it and do all the wrong things and i fucking hatjdudhskxhejxhxjdhxudh yeah ok whatever who cares i connected that deep vut that doesnt matter i'm all alone now!! yay!!!!ejhdsohedh

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 10/10/2025

my nightmare was so vividly detailed i do not feel safe in my house basically this guy was breaking in and was insane and idk i am just terrified

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 09/10/2025

i can't even write my thoughts there's too many. i am entirely unlovable and i should give up literally right now.

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 07/10/2025

actually since im self isolating i need an outlet still as a cry for help, so i blocked (temporarily) the one person that has post notifications on for this if they, or anyone else does have them on (and can still see them), please turn them off. its not going to be fun

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 07/10/2025

leaving for awhile no promises on literally anything. i can't

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

i don't know sometimes. this last year has been filled with so many unexpected events that i can't believe i am where i am now. i have done so much and made it through a lot, but i don't know how much happier i am now than where i was ending last year. i have been doing things nonstop since then

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

i want to feel beautiful i feel disgusting i am a failure and that's just all i am i hate existing

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 02/10/2025

nope i can't exist i have to keep it to myself and figure it out that's just how it is now

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 30/09/2025

holy fuck i'm alone aren't i the existential dread hit me very suddenly and very strong i am entirely alone

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 29/09/2025

i feel every emotion ever right now and i need to throw up i need to get over myself. i'm so pathetic. it's all my fault and i have zero rights to feel any of the emotions i do hurting myself didn't do anything saturday. what's the next step from here? i'm not mentally okay and i deserve it all rn

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 29/09/2025

i don't know if i can exist and work last week was the longest most stressful and emotionally exhaustive week ive ever had i hurt myself on saturday as well like idk man this shit sucks. i'm so overwhelmed and i've started hyperventilating twice today and ive only been up for like 2.5h aaaaaaaa

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Artemis @artemis64talks.bsky.social · 27/09/2025

i exist for some reason still i made decisions but i will continue for now we'll see

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