Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 8hMy computer desktop is like my bedroom. Got a couple of files lying around. Little bin in the corner. Picture of a mountain up. Clock up top. Feels right at home. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Meal prepping sucks when you’re a bad cook. Inedible slop all week it is. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Love an omlette chef at a buffet because they're the only chef that has to do it live for some reason. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Coyote was an exceptionally skilled painter. This often goes unappreciated in the cartoons. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Using the bottle me and my friend found on a desert island to play spin the bottle because we didn't think to use it as an SOS message 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Paracetamol and Ibuprofen are like the Messi and Ronaldo of making my tummy ache go away 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 25/09/2026You can spill anything in a supermarket and it's the employees job their to clean it up. Isn't that insane? I could drop a full kilo of yoghurt and they gotta wipe that up. I LOVE THE SUPERMARKET MAN IT'S LIKE A FREAKING HOTEL <3 000
Reposted by Andy Wattsmilk bottle champion @stepheniscowboy.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Id like to see a new dog with an old trick. Like a puppy sawing a woman in half 083
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026If you borrow a non-fiction book from the library, you have to return the book, but you get to keep the knowledge. In my opinion you should also have to return the knowledge. If you remember even one of those bug facts, you need to pay a fine. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026The saddest episode of Looney Tunes was the one where Roadrunner painted an image of Wiley Coyote’s long lost father looking to embrace his son with his open arms, over what was actually a brick wall. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Me in medieval England in a village with 100 people: oh hey cool I think we have mutuals 010
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I'll admit, I'm sort of the personality hire at work. I'm a 999 emergency call handler. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Looking for butler with extensive grovelling experience 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I don’t know man, I think I’m in a bit of a funk. Maybe because I haven't seen any viral clips I've been really into recently. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Yin and Yang is my favourite celebrity couple. Can't really imagine Yin on their own after all these years. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026I’m thinking of getting into activism I’m just struggling with the believing in anything part 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026executioner stood me up tonight. Electric chair for one I guess. Literally was sat there looking like such an idiiiot 010
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 20/09/2026"We’re living in a comfort crisis, we've all become too comfortable." Speak for yourself, I have a crick in my neck! 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 19/09/2026so sick of this double standards for AI actresses. We wouldn’t call it ‘glitching’ if anyone else spoke Chinese. Clock them Tilly my bilingual queen 💕🫰 001
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 19/09/2026my toxic ass caught lovebombing my wife at our wedding 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Therapy helped me overcome my fear of overpaying for things through exposure by paying for therapy 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Youtube video essays should replace actual essays in academia 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 13/09/2026There should be a carriage on every train only for people who want to nostalgically look out the window 001
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Emailing the mafia pretending I'm a mobster, but with the police as a BCC, because I'm an undercover cop 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026blowing a kiss across the room towards my emperor's feet <3 001
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026waiters ask me if I have room for dessert, but never if I have room for starters or mains. did it occur to you guys I may not be hungry at all? 021
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I'm worried I only love my newborn due to recency bias 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Estate agent wanted to show me round a 'beautiful family home' but honestly I don't care how attractive the family is 010
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Me using pathetic fallacy to secretly describe how I’m feeling: The weather today has a tummy ache 010
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I was a background extra on the radio show The Archers 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026just binge ate some fortune cookies and now I know everything that's ever going to happen to me 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026At the contortionist academy I studied at, being crammed in your locker by a bully was a sign of deep respect 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Whoever said you have to put the corresponding number of candles on a cake respective to the person's age, was a candle marketing genius 001
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Threatening to stick up a library with a paper shredder 010
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I hate that buying gum is called an impulse purchase. You have no idea how long I've spent calculating this decision. 001
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I love wind chimes. It's about time a soft breeze could produce a solo. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Giving a girl my jacket when it's cold. Putting my jacket over a puddle when it rains. God knows love will give your jacket a sorry beating. 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026If I was on a pub quiz team with Eve from the garden of eden, I lowkey would have convinced her to eat that apple too 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Imagine if Pangea could get all the continents back for one last wild night 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026The past is like a Big Yellow Self-Storage Unit but for trauma 000
Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Depending on how far things are away in the future seems to directly correlate with how long you'll have to wait to do them 000