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Andy Watts

@andywatts.bsky.social
205 followers 47 following 489 posts

i hope elon buys this one too!!!!!!!

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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 8h
My computer desktop is like my bedroom. Got a couple of files lying around. Little bin in the corner. Picture of a mountain up. Clock up top. Feels right at home.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Is living in an igloo glamping?
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Meal prepping sucks when you’re a bad cook. Inedible slop all week it is.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Love an omlette chef at a buffet because they're the only chef that has to do it live for some reason.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Coyote was an exceptionally skilled painter. This often goes unappreciated in the cartoons.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Using the bottle me and my friend found on a desert island to play spin the bottle because we didn't think to use it as an SOS message
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Paracetamol and Ibuprofen are like the Messi and Ronaldo of making my tummy ache go away
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
You can spill anything in a supermarket and it's the employees job their to clean it up. Isn't that insane? I could drop a full kilo of yoghurt and they gotta wipe that up. I LOVE THE SUPERMARKET MAN IT'S LIKE A FREAKING HOTEL <3
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
if it was up to Greta that would be a tote :(
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
being single in your 30s
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Reposted by Andy Watts
milk bottle champion @stepheniscowboy.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Id like to see a new dog with an old trick. Like a puppy sawing a woman in half
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
If you borrow a non-fiction book from the library, you have to return the book, but you get to keep the knowledge. In my opinion you should also have to return the knowledge. If you remember even one of those bug facts, you need to pay a fine.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
The saddest episode of Looney Tunes was the one where Roadrunner painted an image of Wiley Coyote’s long lost father looking to embrace his son with his open arms, over what was actually a brick wall.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Me in medieval England in a village with 100 people: oh hey cool I think we have mutuals
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I'll admit, I'm sort of the personality hire at work. I'm a 999 emergency call handler.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Looking for butler with extensive grovelling experience
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I don’t know man, I think I’m in a bit of a funk. Maybe because I haven't seen any viral clips I've been really into recently.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Yin and Yang is my favourite celebrity couple. Can't really imagine Yin on their own after all these years.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Yin and yang certainly make for unusual bedfellows
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Unstoppable force meet cute with immovable object
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I’m thinking of getting into activism I’m just struggling with the believing in anything part
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
executioner stood me up tonight. Electric chair for one I guess. Literally was sat there looking like such an idiiiot
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
"We’re living in a comfort crisis, we've all become too comfortable." Speak for yourself, I have a crick in my neck!
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
so sick of this double standards for AI actresses. We wouldn’t call it ‘glitching’ if anyone else spoke Chinese. Clock them Tilly my bilingual queen 💕🫰
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
my toxic ass caught lovebombing my wife at our wedding
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I'm genuinely not helpful to the global workforce
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Life coach who's a real Debbie Downer
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Therapy helped me overcome my fear of overpaying for things through exposure by paying for therapy
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Youtube video essays should replace actual essays in academia
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
There should be a carriage on every train only for people who want to nostalgically look out the window
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Emailing the mafia pretending I'm a mobster, but with the police as a BCC, because I'm an undercover cop
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
blowing a kiss across the room towards my emperor's feet <3
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
waiters ask me if I have room for dessert, but never if I have room for starters or mains. did it occur to you guys I may not be hungry at all?
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
I'm worried I only love my newborn due to recency bias
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Estate agent wanted to show me round a 'beautiful family home' but honestly I don't care how attractive the family is
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Me using pathetic fallacy to secretly describe how I’m feeling: The weather today has a tummy ache
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
I was a background extra on the radio show The Archers
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
just binge ate some fortune cookies and now I know everything that's ever going to happen to me
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
At the contortionist academy I studied at, being crammed in your locker by a bully was a sign of deep respect
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Whoever said you have to put the corresponding number of candles on a cake respective to the person's age, was a candle marketing genius
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
a duck living just on the bread line and LOVING IT
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Threatening to stick up a library with a paper shredder
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I hate that buying gum is called an impulse purchase. You have no idea how long I've spent calculating this decision.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I love wind chimes. It's about time a soft breeze could produce a solo.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Giving a girl my jacket when it's cold. Putting my jacket over a puddle when it rains. God knows love will give your jacket a sorry beating.
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
If I was on a pub quiz team with Eve from the garden of eden, I lowkey would have convinced her to eat that apple too
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Imagine if Pangea could get all the continents back for one last wild night
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
The past is like a Big Yellow Self-Storage Unit but for trauma
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Robbing a nudist colony with a T-Shirt gun
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Andy Watts @andywatts.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Depending on how far things are away in the future seems to directly correlate with how long you'll have to wait to do them
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