Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Trying to find out why my DPD parcel is stuck at their delivery hub. The buttons on the website contact form don't work. The 'talk to someone' option on their phone line doesn't work. The 'contact us' option on their website takes me to DPD Croatia. I will never, ever use DPD for deliveries. 010
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Thank heavens we live in a world where someone is offering stilton insurance. 010
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 26/09/2026I read a lot of 1950s and 1960s thrillers, and the number of times per chapter that the hero pours himself a glass of whisky is incredible. 130
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Why are creative projects quietly shelved? Why aren't they noisily shelved with lots of clattering and banging? 310
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Overheard in A&E this evening: "What if it's an ectopic pregnancy?" "Have you had sex?" "No!" "Then it's not an ectopic pregnancy." 140
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 11/09/2026I'm in Poole - just the other side of Bournemouth. Job moved to Blandford Camp years ago, before I took early retirement. Will be up in the Midlands a couple of times before Christmas. Will let you know when. 111
Reposted by Andrew LaneAlex Will Resurrect That Werewolf Pic 🔸🏳️🌈 @alexwilcock.bsky.social · 05/09/2026OTD 2954: Adjudicator-to-be Christopher Rodonanté Cwej Happy -928th birthday, Chris! Created by @andylaneauthor.bsky.social in Doctor Who: The New Adventures – Original Sin Brought to voice-life by Travis Oliver in newer adventures 1127
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Vandals! Terrorism! People need to be prosecuted! 141
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Having bought myself a new record player, rediscovered the joys of vinyl and discovered how expensive LPs are now, I bought myself this. I got it because it has the Quiller Theme on it, and I'm working my way though Quiller on YouTube at the moment. Quiller is basically a teetotal, sexless Bond. 230
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Meanwhile I shall be appearing on stage in the West End in a revival of Tom Stoppard's 'After Magritte'... 020
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 18/08/2026Happy that 'A Thousand Tiny Wings' got a mention. Sad that I didn't. Ah well. 271
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 16/08/2026There are still times when I am proud to be British... 1102
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I was on stage with him a few weeks back. Lovely bloke. 160
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 12/08/2026Presumably the canine equivalent of 'Get out of my face!' is 'Get out of my nose!' 010
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 09/08/2026My tender for the new Doctor Who is going well, but there will be some cost reductions in costumes and special effects... 2100
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 07/08/2026Could you post a link to where she said that please? I would be fascinated to see it. 010
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026It was a joint operation between police and Customs, apparently... 051
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026I'm confused. If it wasn't true, how can it have been leaked? You can't leak something if you made it up yourself... 020
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026He's going to win, and it's the most British thing ever! 040
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Couldn't they just install a stair lift for him? He is getting on a bit, after all. 120
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Also: Andrew Lane is best long-distance runner since Orson Welles... 110
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026AI copywriters plus AI copyeditors equals... (If the results are "loose" I don't want them to "stick"...) 000
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Nobody ever talks about the English Buggeroe, and its enchanting cry... 130
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Well, if acceptance means you happily telling people "I'm wearing pervert glasses!" then they have a high hill to climb... 030
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026From The Times today: 'Because the Thames flows through the chalk and limestone of the Cotswolds and Chilterns, it picks up big amounts of minerals. That’s what makes the water “hard”.' "Big amounts"? Oh come on, @thetimes.com. One more like that and I will cancel my subscription. 020
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Translation: they're not giving enough to me... 040
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 03/08/2026Add your own country-specific suggestions here... 000
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 03/08/2026"I could hear my own voice singing it, and my name was on the record, so I had to join them because apparently I already had!" 020
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 31/07/2026"Dat scooter is close, but very small. Dat cow is large, but far away..." 010
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 28/07/2026"My name is Odysseus, but people call me... Odysseus." 000
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026I have to say that I was really disappointed - and I saw it in the cinema when it first came out. A lot of promises were made in the film and never kept. A skeletal warrior in a tomb starts to come to life and... no battle. The main villain turns into a giant snake and... no battle. No fun.and.mm 110
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026Just delivered the fifth of my BBC Audio Doctor Who scripts involving the 8th Doctor and James Macfarlane. This one is set in Persia in 1912ish, and contains a callback to something I wrote over 30 years ago and a shout-out to the much-missed Justin Richards... 280
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026The shame of walking into a coffee shop alone, ordering one coffee and three cakes, and being given the three cakes on three separate plates... To be fair, they were small cakes. 040
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026Before Darwin's Theory of Evolution came Darwin's Theory of Constipation... 000
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 26/07/2026Frankly, food doesn't get any better than this. 110
Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 24/07/2026I skim-read that as "robot" and my brain went off in a completely different and far more interesting direction... 2101