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Andrew Lane

@andylaneauthor.bsky.social
394 followers 57 following 3.5K posts

Author of over 40 books and many audio scripts. Ex-military scientific advisor. Father to one, informal foster-father to another nine. Bipolar Type II, acromegaly, asthma and gallstones sufferer. All-round decent bloke.

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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Trying to find out why my DPD parcel is stuck at their delivery hub. The buttons on the website contact form don't work. The 'talk to someone' option on their phone line doesn't work. The 'contact us' option on their website takes me to DPD Croatia. I will never, ever use DPD for deliveries.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Thank heavens we live in a world where someone is offering stilton insurance.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
You should try a cèpe crepe.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I read a lot of 1950s and 1960s thrillers, and the number of times per chapter that the hero pours himself a glass of whisky is incredible.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
And somebody has stolen his glove puppet...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Why are creative projects quietly shelved? Why aren't they noisily shelved with lots of clattering and banging?
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Is that like Chekov's Gun?
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Overheard in A&E this evening: "What if it's an ectopic pregnancy?" "Have you had sex?" "No!" "Then it's not an ectopic pregnancy."
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Mitch McConnell is the one on the right.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I'm in Poole - just the other side of Bournemouth. Job moved to Blandford Camp years ago, before I took early retirement. Will be up in the Midlands a couple of times before Christmas. Will let you know when.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I'm with you.
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Reposted by Andrew Lane
Alex Will Resurrect That Werewolf Pic 🔸🏳️‍🌈 @alexwilcock.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
OTD 2954: Adjudicator-to-be Christopher Rodonanté Cwej Happy -928th birthday, Chris! Created by @andylaneauthor.bsky.social‬ in Doctor Who: The New Adventures – Original Sin Brought to voice-life by Travis Oliver in newer adventures
Doctor Who: The New Adventures – Original Sin cover painting by Tony Masero as published in detail by Doctor Who Magazine: the white-linen-suited Doctor is arrested by blue-armoured Adjudicators Roz Forrester and Chris Cwej Doctor Who: The New Adventures – Original Sin by Andy Lane, cover painting by Tony Masero: the white-linen-suited Doctor is arrested by blue-armoured Adjudicators Roz Forrester and Chris Cwej Doctor Who: The Novel Adaptations – Original Sin by Andy Lane, adapted by John Dorney, Big Finish cover by Tom Newsom @Aquatics64.bsky.social: the white-linen-suited Doctor (Sylvester McCoy) is menaced by out-of-shot robots; black-clad Bernice Summerfield (Lisa Bowerman) stands by him; blue-armoured Adjudicators Roz Forrester (Yasmin Bannerman) and Chris Cwej (Travis Oliver) step upDoctor Who: The Novel Adaptations – Damaged Goods by Russell T Davies, adapted by Jonathan Morris, Big Finish cover by Tom Webster: a body rises from its grave, propelled by icky tentacles, with the Doctor (Sylvester McCoy), Roz (Yasmin Bannerman) and Chris (Travis Oliver) above.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Yay beetles!
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Vandals! Terrorism! People need to be prosecuted!
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Having bought myself a new record player, rediscovered the joys of vinyl and discovered how expensive LPs are now, I bought myself this. I got it because it has the Quiller Theme on it, and I'm working my way though Quiller on YouTube at the moment. Quiller is basically a teetotal, sexless Bond.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Meanwhile I shall be appearing on stage in the West End in a revival of Tom Stoppard's 'After Magritte'...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Happy that 'A Thousand Tiny Wings' got a mention. Sad that I didn't. Ah well.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
There are still times when I am proud to be British...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
The Nine Doctors...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Just down the road from me...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I was on stage with him a few weeks back. Lovely bloke.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Presumably the canine equivalent of 'Get out of my face!' is 'Get out of my nose!'
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
My tender for the new Doctor Who is going well, but there will be some cost reductions in costumes and special effects...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
Mushroom clouds...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Could you post a link to where she said that please? I would be fascinated to see it.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
It was a joint operation between police and Customs, apparently...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
I'm confused. If it wasn't true, how can it have been leaked? You can't leak something if you made it up yourself...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Your best advertising campaigns, please...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
He's going to win, and it's the most British thing ever!
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Remake of a 1953 movie. Both great.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Couldn't they just install a stair lift for him? He is getting on a bit, after all.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Also: Andrew Lane is best long-distance runner since Orson Welles...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
AI copywriters plus AI copyeditors equals... (If the results are "loose" I don't want them to "stick"...)
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Nobody ever talks about the English Buggeroe, and its enchanting cry...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Well, if acceptance means you happily telling people "I'm wearing pervert glasses!" then they have a high hill to climb...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
From The Times today: 'Because the Thames flows through the chalk and limestone of the Cotswolds and Chilterns, it picks up big amounts of minerals. That’s what makes the water “hard”.' "Big amounts"? Oh come on, @thetimes.com. One more like that and I will cancel my subscription.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Translation: they're not giving enough to me...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Civilization is officially doomed.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Add your own country-specific suggestions here...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
"I could hear my own voice singing it, and my name was on the record, so I had to join them because apparently I already had!"
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
"Dat scooter is close, but very small. Dat cow is large, but far away..."
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
"My name is Odysseus, but people call me... Odysseus."
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
I Can't Believe It's Not George
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
I have to say that I was really disappointed - and I saw it in the cinema when it first came out. A lot of promises were made in the film and never kept. A skeletal warrior in a tomb starts to come to life and... no battle. The main villain turns into a giant snake and... no battle. No fun.
and.mm
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Just delivered the fifth of my BBC Audio Doctor Who scripts involving the 8th Doctor and James Macfarlane. This one is set in Persia in 1912ish, and contains a callback to something I wrote over 30 years ago and a shout-out to the much-missed Justin Richards...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
The shame of walking into a coffee shop alone, ordering one coffee and three cakes, and being given the three cakes on three separate plates... To be fair, they were small cakes.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Before Darwin's Theory of Evolution came Darwin's Theory of Constipation...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Frankly, food doesn't get any better than this.
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
I skim-read that as "robot" and my brain went off in a completely different and far more interesting direction...
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Andrew Lane @andylaneauthor.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Down?
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