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A.J. Packman

@ajpackman.bsky.social
556 followers 271 following 196 posts
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
All weave gotten sighed is vacance, see?
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
The name's Bond. James Bond. I think.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Valet with a pocket full of darts
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
KILROY BOUGHT THIS
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I hope this email finds you welling up with tears of joy which accumulate in your many eyes, some of which are about the size of a basketball.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
1. Liquid water 2. Nutrients 3. When life appears on its surface, a spring-loaded mechanism doesn't shoot the life form into outer space with a loud "BOING"
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 02/05/2026
Lying on the couch, reading a hardcover edition of The Vertical Man, shaking my head in disapproval
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
You stand in an elevator, looking at the numbered buttons, and where 13 should be you see a button labelled "elevator ;)" You press it, and the doors open, revealing a second elevator. You step inside, and as the doors close behind you, you look at the numbered buttons, which all read "elevator ;)"
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 25/04/2026
Little known production trick by George Martin: By hiding Ringo's favorite bass drum pedal before the band arrived for a recording session, he was able to imbue all of the Beatles' songs with a distinct "I wonder where the good bass drum pedal is" feel
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 25/04/2026
Like anyone else, I enjoy a comfortable cushion, or an earnest, excited expression of joy articulated as "Whoopee!" But this? This I cannot abide...
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
Big fan of wondering shapes
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 15/04/2026
Sweeten beef flat pack'll bell
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
(Judge taps a five-gallon wine glass with a gavel)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 25/03/2026
"Hey, thanks, that's a really nice male goat without blemish! If you could just keep it far, far away from the wood that is on the fire which is upon the altar, that'd be— NO NO NO—"
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Desperately fumbling through a bag containing over a dozen baguette phones, trying to find the one that's ringing
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
He who rewatched that episode of Frasier wherein Frasier attempts to direct a live radio drama ("Ham Radio") a day before I rewatched that episode is a citizen of a foreign country
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
One stone is equivalent to 14 pounds, which is why the 93 visible rocks in Stonehenge have a total value of £1,302
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
Grain 1 was sandy. Grain 2 was sandy. Grain 2b was sandy. Grain 3 was a rock (sandstone). Grain 4 was Grain 1.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 15/02/2026
Welcome to the cinema. How many blankets would you like to purchase?
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
Sorry, my "cherished memories"? Oh, do you mean my chair-ish memories? Like, my memories of things that I thought were chairs, but weren't? Because I've got a lot of those…
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
(Staring at something, sighing sadly) Nothing's better than this...
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
I cradle a handful of bullets in my palm, each one a love letter to a distant victim, each one a reminder of the many roles I must play. Lover. Executioner. Mailman.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
Now I regrettably live in a prolonged state referred to as "Imbecilic Silence"
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
I'm very happy to hear it!
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
Hi, I hope this email finds you well. It's an email! Yours, An Emailer
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
Killing two birds with one thousand stones (slowly encasing them in a modest tomb)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
"You can talk all you want about the niceties of dentistry and everything else, but we live in a world that is governed by strength, that is governed by force, that is governed by power. So if I want my teeth to line my knuckles rather than my gums, I will punch myself in the face until they do."
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 05/01/2026
(Holding up a huge sack emblazoned with an image of a gavel)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 05/01/2026
CO-PILOT: Hey, look down at that beach!

PILOT: What?

CO-PILOT: I think someone wrote out "HELP" in stones!

PILOT: (Squinting) No, I'm pretty sure that says "HE LP." Like, "That guy? He's an LP. A long-playing record. That's what that guy is. He LP."

CO-PILOT: Huh. Maybe. I guess— Oh, hey! Some guy just ran out of the jungle, onto the beach, and he's waving his arms and yelling!

PILOT: (Squinting) Yeah, he LP.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
"Let me take you, down, cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields." (Addressing a pile of down, which I wish to take in order to make a well-insulated coat before I travel to the notoriously frigid climes of Strawberry Fields.)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Ah, so it is still the Holocene? I don't think I'll be wearing any funny glasses demarcating a temporal change until we're about to begin another geological epoch (hopefully another one with two O's)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
Sure, this isn't regarded as an error today, but in twenty years? You'd better bet it willbe. (NOTE: "willbe" willbe an accepted usage by 2050)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
For a while, the bowling ball was the pinnacle of technology, as it contained three holes, and could be stored in a portable hole (a bowling ball bag)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
NO NOISE PLAY IN SILENCE CREATE MORE SILENCE AS ONLOOKERS STARE DISBELIEVING THEIR EYES AND EARS MOUTHS AGAPE, STILL, SILENT
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 18/11/2025
JAMES BUN wanders aimlessly through the casino, staring at the ceiling, chewing on a plain bun, twirling a pistol. He approaches the table and bumps into the CROUPIER. CROUPIER Sir, outside food is not permitted in— James shoots the croupier in the stomach. JAMES BUN I'm James and I like buns.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 18/11/2025
Rebooting James Bond was too hard, so instead Amazon's going to make James Bun: INT. CASINO - NIGHT A boisterous crowd is gathered around a roulette table. An ATTRACTIVE WOMAN, distracted, stares across the room, her mouth agape. She nudges her friend. ATTRACTIVE WOMAN Hey, look, it's James Bun.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 15/11/2025
When I was young, younger than before I never saw wolfman hanging by the door And now I'm older, see him face to face And now I'm older, gotta get up, flee this place
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 13/11/2025
Zero wolf night, shepherds' delight Thousand wolf morning, shepherds take warning
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 12/11/2025
The Lord provides all that I need. My cup runneth over, and my saucer also runneth over, and He delivers me an abundance of fresh towels to absorb the wet fruits of His generosity.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 11/11/2025
Drove past a bus that I assume was halfway through displaying a Remembrance Day message on its front LED destination sign, but all I saw was a bus that, instead of showing its route number or route name, just displayed the word "FORGET"
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
Your kid's eyes called. They need you to pick them up at the library, and then they need you to pick up the rest of your kid, who's been wandering around sightlessly in the ravine behind the library.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
A prophet, after preaching every day for thirty years, lay down and died. Three days later, he rose from the dead and in celebration, he and his followers ate and drank and played games long into the night, but the prophet kept losing, and he got so frustrated that he lay down and died again.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
To live in a functional commonwealth, one must be governed by an absolute sovereign whose rule enforces the wearing of headphones in public and the making of phones with headphone jacks
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 07/11/2025
(The doctor picks up an apple, visibly distressed.) —And, uh, what about this? Can you identify this object? —It's a scootboard. That's what it is.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 06/11/2025
An Elliott Smith hits Elliotts with a hammer until they somehow get better.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
The wings of some butterflies serve as a defence mechanism by mimicking threats, like the eyes of a predator, or the look on a predator's face when it's about to tell a long, boring story about predation that isn't even that interesting to other predators.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 04/11/2025
People love MDMA because it gives them the euphoric feeling of being a doctor with a Master of Arts degree.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 03/11/2025
Good drama is all about moderation: reasonable characters with attainable goals and moderate hubris.
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 01/11/2025
Switching over my Halloween lawn decorations to Christmas lawn decorations (e.g. determining which skeletons look the smartest and dressing the top three like wise men)
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A.J. Packman @ajpackman.bsky.social · 01/11/2025
Elon Musk: So the joke, the joke is, (Laughs) There, uh, there's a chicken, and a, uh, a road... (Laughs) And the question is, uh, why did it happen? (Laughs)
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