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Custodes

@adeptusbananas.bsky.social
243 followers 56 following 236 posts

Adeptus Custodes' public vox account. || We're God's Banana Janitors with depression and oil! || Still waiting for the Lord Banana || Do NOT mention the clowns.

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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 28/07/2025
Custodes unit #6969, reporting for duty. Well, technically calling an SOS. My voxcalls (messages) from the Asiatic Dustfields appear to be jammed (blocked by the firewall of China). If anyone from the Palace is listening, please send help, the heat is cooking me alive in my armor.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 04/05/2025
I HAVE BEEN UNBANNED x.com/AdeptusBananas
x.com
Custodes (@AdeptusBananas) / X
Custodes (@AdeptusBananas) / X
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 24/04/2025
Me and the mortals on a night out: (Art by Velkiras-Na’khon)
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
The Imperial Palace except all Custodes on vigil have to t-pose. Thank you for coming to my TED talk, Custodes out.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 15/03/2025
Constantin Valdor, the Emperor's Spear, earned a name for having the most democratic election for Captain-General ever. He won with a total of 20,000 votes, in the Ten Thousand with only 10,000 voters.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 14/03/2025
Pixelhagl cooked on this. The Custodes approve so very much.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 13/03/2025
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
Me and my Voxcaster homies, in out glorious duties to the Imperium: (yes, the trombone is an extraordinary important part of the glory of the Ten Thousand)
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malleus888.bsky.social @malleus888.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
and the next 2
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malleus888.bsky.social @malleus888.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
here they are!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 18/01/2025
[AYAYAYA INTENSIFIES]
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 18/01/2025
Some...very interesting art of our glorious sisters in the Custodes. (Custodes gf by @dndosld73832)
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 18/01/2025
Custodes! Arrest this man for impersonation!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 11/01/2025
More Custodian crack
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 02/01/2025
Happy (late) New Year!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 25/12/2024
Merry Sanguinala, loyal Imperium citizens!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 22/12/2024
Bonus: Horus would be the type to write "assume I am correct" under "assumptions and limitations" in a chemistry lab
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
Results for the Primarch Chemistry lab: Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
The Primarchs at a chemistry class: Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
Tip for new Custodes on interacting with Valdor. When he asks “How are you?”, it’s not because he actually cares about you, it’s because he’s programmed to do so under “conversing with the Emperor 101” and we never changed it.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 20/12/2024
Valdor is the type of Captain-General who'll do his book report on the math textbook. Followed up by a thrilling plot analysis on the dictionary.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 19/12/2024
The Primarchs' grades and reactions after the test: Horus: Gets surprisingly high for the no effort he put in. Argues with the teacher, persuades them into rounding his 85 to a 100, somehow. Lorgar: Tries to argue with the teacher over a mark-band problem, gets his 95 turned to an 85 out of spite.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 18/12/2024
As a joke, for the Primarchs in math tests: “The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 18/12/2024
two more followers and I shall suplex Horus.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 15/12/2024
As a joke, I have headcannoned what Primarchs would be like in math contests: You know the alignment chart thingies? As a joke, I made one for Math contests, but for Primarchs. What happens at the math contest: Knows what they’re doing, does the questions: Guilliman, Sanguinius, Ferrus
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 15/12/2024
Breaking News: Custodian stares at potted plant for 16 hours. Labelled a "disgrace of the Ten Thousand" for not making it 17 hours.
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☩•◉ Eliz Bee ◉•☩ || CMS closes || @elizbee.bsky.social · 24/11/2024
I'm busy, but I really want to do this.🤣🤣
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Invidia @blackstarangel.bsky.social · 14/12/2024
here's the link to the original post! bsky.app/profile/eliz...
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 11/12/2024
Can confirm this is what happened.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 01/12/2024
Remember, at 200 followers I will suplex Horus.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 01/12/2024
I am never going to emotionally recover from this. Call an Apothecary and bring a Dreadnought, I just witnessed a murder.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 21/11/2024
Think Valdor isn't brainwashed? Think again. Valdor was so brainwashed that they put his name next to the dictionary of brainwashed Valdor was so brainwashed that medical faculties are defining brainwashed as "whatever the fuck Valdor is"!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 21/11/2024
All hail our glorious overlord!
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Mango! 🩸HTP Brainrot🩸 @ultramango75.bsky.social · 20/11/2024
Actually, I think this is my most favorite piece I’ve made. Marketable plushies! If you haven’t seen #huntertheparenting yet please do!! IT’S SO WORTH IT GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW— #HTP #BigD #Marckus #Kitten #Kevinthewizard #Door #Boy #Horse
Just a piece of Big D from Hunter the Parenting and his marketable plushie family posing proudly in front of a full moon.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
Three Custodes have been shot tonight. Twelve Remembrancers were exiled to Afrik to farm potatoes. My serf died recovering this image. All over this pict of our glorious Catain-General Catstantin Valdor- [intelligible screaming due to “grievous injuries via Apollonian Spear”]
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 17/11/2024
Wake up, random thighs to get your attention. Do I have your attention now? Good. Anyways, our glorious Captain-General canonically lost TWICE to Abaddon, and for this we will NEVER FORGIVE HIM!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 13/11/2024
The Inquisition is after me. Again. (I must be speedrunning getting banned, any %)
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 12/11/2024
Doot doot, heretics.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 12/11/2024
So, I have finally made my alt x.com/LegioBananas
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Mango! 🩸HTP Brainrot🩸 @ultramango75.bsky.social · 08/11/2024
I loved doing this piece so much, I really need to draw the Emperor some more. #warhammer #warhammer40k #theemperorofmankind #warhammer40kart #warhammerart #art #40k #spacemarine
This is a drawn picture of The Emperor of Mankind posing with a sword.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 08/11/2024
BEHOLD! OUR GLORIOUS OVERLORD!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 08/11/2024
Valdor's neural ports, from: Birth of the Imperium.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 08/11/2024
Day 3(I think) with my account locked, time to rally the Emissaries Imperatus and complain.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 08/11/2024
Account still locked, I am sending the Ephoroi.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 05/11/2024
The Inquisition has been attempting to arrest the Custodes. I AM INNOCENT! This was literally my banner!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 03/11/2024
When I get to 200 followers I will get a Terminator Custodes to suplex Horus!
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 01/11/2024
Out of the only one Archtraitor who attempted to kill our glorious Emperor, Horus ranks second in a contest whereupon he was the only competitor. (Yes, we’re still salty over the Vengeful Spirit, how could you tell?)
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 31/10/2024
Remember when I promised that I would suplex the Archtraitor if I got to 100 followers? Well. It turns out, suplexing a Primarch in full Terminator armor that weighs four times as much as you do....was a bad idea.
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 30/10/2024
As promised.... I am starting to think suplexing the Archtraitor in Terminator armor wasn't such a great idea....
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Custodes @adeptusbananas.bsky.social · 27/10/2024
Send the Dread Host, we lost the Emperor's social security number.
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