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Adam Smyer

@adamsmyer.com
126 followers 55 following 170 posts

Author of the books Knucklehead (Akashic) and You Can Keep That to Yourself: A Comprehensive List of What Not to Say to Black People, for Well-Intentioned People of Pallor (Akashic). And the odd essay.

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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 26/09/2026
CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. CAT: Meow. SUBJECT: You're cute. -FBI wiretap of my house
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 04/09/2026
Smugness is the new knowing what the fuck you're talking about
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 03/09/2026
No one does as much as someone who doesn't know what he's doing
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 26/08/2026
Ten years ago when Time Traveler Adam materialized in front of me and declared, "Spider-Man will be the Luigi of 2026," I thought he was talking about something completely different.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 22/08/2026
When I look back on my past, my overwhelming thought is this: I wish I had known that it would work out. And so I am trying to have that feeling now, about my present.
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Mat Johnson @matjohnson.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
This Is Just To Say I told you so about that thing you disagreed with me about of which irrefutable proof has now emerged Forgive me it is too delicious too sweet not to remind you that you were wrong
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 18/08/2026
What would you guess humanity's high point will have been?
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 13/08/2026
If you were once a tiny baby that I held in one arm like a drooly little bag of groceries, and you are now a whole-ass adult, that is a hate crime.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 24/07/2026
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Also, apparently, if it is broke, don't fix it.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 23/07/2026
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man loses his fucking mind.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 21/05/2026
Nostalgic for the days when I innocently believed that everyone acted out of self-interest
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 20/05/2026
Back in the '90s there was a club in the Haight that I loved. It was a sacred hole in the wall devoted to music and dancing. Eventually the idiots found it and slowly ruined it. Inevitably someone got shot. The club didn't close down but it was basically over. Anyway, that's the whole world now.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 13/05/2026
Come see my new Mouse Rat tribute band, Rat Bag.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 03/05/2026
For me the most amazing thing about everything that's going on right now is that we will never know the half of it.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 01/05/2026
Shout out to the "Kamala is a cop" crowd
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 25/04/2026
Me: Well good morning Mr. Birb! Blue Jay Outside My Window: Get tha FUCK outta here!!! Me: And how are you today you little baby? Blue Jay Outside My Window: Not playing with you **** I WILL FUCK YOU UP
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 13/04/2026
THE POPE IS SOFT ON CRIME
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 25/03/2026
Maybe the reason I am not impressed by LLMs is that I am already surrounded by people who try to anticipate the words that you are expecting and then say those.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 19/03/2026
Afroman! Afroman!! 😍😍😘😂🥰🤩✌️🤜🤛💜♥️🖤🖤🖤🇺🇸
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 25/02/2026
Man - award shows have gotten ROUGH.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 21/02/2026
Growing up watching sci-fi, I never liked that character who was racist against robots. And now I am him.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 08/02/2026
My obsession with Yukutsk enters its fifth year with no sign of abating www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-WG...
youtube.com
24 Hours in the Coldest City on Earth Yakutsk –64°C (−83°F)
YouTube video by Kiun B
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 04/02/2026
"Lemon on Kimmel" sounds like a little village north of London.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 22/01/2026
When you pull back the shower curtain, are you fully expecting to see the killer standing motionless six inches in front of you, butcher knife held high? You're not? Me neither. I was just testing you.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 18/01/2026
OLD HEAD SHIT THAT I DO -- I paste the actual gif into the chat, not just a link -- The sight of a car plugged into the wall is hilarious -- I'll never stop calling him Prince Charles
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 14/01/2026
When I am elected, birth records will include the song you were probably conceived to
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 13/01/2026
Everything happens for a reason. To kill you.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 13/01/2026
Unfortunately, nothing is impossible.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 06/01/2026
Watching those cops turn tail and haul ass back up the stairs was a revelation. It had never even remotely occurred to me that cops moved in that direction. Mind blown. Forever changed. The only thing I can liken it to is watching the second plane hit.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 31/12/2025
And you know that motherfucker can cook, too--
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 29/12/2025
My least favorite type of song is when they are complaining about the price of fame and the song is on their first album
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 22/12/2025
#Oakland www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmVR...
youtube.com
Sinners FYC | Ryan Coogler interview (moderated by Ben Stiller)
YouTube video by Nolan Archives
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 19/12/2025
HA HA HA I can't taste my food ha ha" ~my coworkers #collaboration
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 19/12/2025
Despite my justifiable cynicism, I still woke up this morning like, "Boy! What day is this?" I guess we take our satisfaction where we can. #EpsteinFiles
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 13/12/2025
#mood #always www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEQ2...
youtube.com
90's Hip-Hop | Golden Era Classics + Rarities | DJ Afrosia |
YouTube video by DJ Afrosia
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Mat Johnson @matjohnson.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
No disrespect to Quentin Tarantino but 50 Cent is the greatest hater of all time.
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Moon-Watcher @bobsmyusername.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
Kamala wanted to help y’all buy your first house but you didn’t like her laugh
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 07/12/2025
PRO TIP: In documentaries when they tell you the exact date it's never good. So if you are at a party or something and someone yells out the exact date, get the hell out of there.
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Bill Barnwell @billbarnwell.com · 04/12/2025
I'm at the combination
a combination urgent care and taco bell
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John Pearce @johnpearce650.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
By replacing your morning coffee with green tea you can lose up to 89% of what little joy you have left in your life.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 02/12/2025
Clearly the mediocre have shamelessly banded together to keep what they know they could never earn. My question is, since when? Forever?
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andré @andre-carlisle.bsky.social · 28/11/2025
nerds did a study on why kissing is good lmao
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 27/11/2025
Last night I dreamt I went out and all over the place folks were standing in the street eating paint. Blue house paint right out of the can with their fingers. One of them saw me staring and said to me, "Everybody eats paint now. It's great."
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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 22/11/2025
It's that time of year
The Distracted Boyfriend meme, but their heads are now:
Guy - a wide-eyed cat
Girlfriend - a cat tree
Red dress woman - a Christmas tree
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remythequill @remythequill.com · 23/11/2025
"...nostalgia is the middle groundbetween knowing that what once was will never be again and the hope for what could—not should—be." What Once Was: remythequill.com/what-once-was/ My latest piece on wandering, windows, and nostalgia, with recomms for things to read, watch, listen to & play.
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The New York Times @nytimes.com · 20/11/2025
A pilot died hours after contracting an illness that looked like food poisoning. It was actually an increasingly common allergy to red meat triggered by a tick bite, doctors said in a new study — the first death of its kind associated with the condition.
nyti.ms
After a Mysterious Death, a Family’s Quest for Answers Leads to a Tick
A JetBlue pilot’s illness looked like food poisoning, but it was actually an increasingly common tick-borne meat allergy that can be fatal.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 19/11/2025
Facts
Someone took out a One Way sign so that now it points straight down.  Art and life and such.
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Adam Smyer @adamsmyer.com · 12/11/2025
There are many great bands and many brilliant musicians. But none are objectively better than the Ohio Players. #oldhead #fightme #jiveturkey
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Benjamin Dreyer @bcdreyer.social · 06/11/2025
If you don’t understand a post, sure, you can respond with “Huh? What?,” or you can simply hold your tongue and let it go and move on with the absolute certainty that there’ll be, within seconds, another post that you also don’t understand.
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