Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 14/10/2026Anyone else listening to the vvitch soundtrack and yearning to be whisked away with five other baddies by an immaculately dressed goat lately? 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 14/10/2026The local fungal colony has finally accepted me as one of their own, so from now on you can find me breathing erratically in the middle of my yard thinking thoughts 000
Reposted by Amitungus_AmongusDezi @dezi.quest · 11/10/2026this is a 10/10 character sheet holy shit 3278312581
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 11/10/2026As a medical professional, it only takes one look to know the hobbits in Hobbiton almost certainly have a rampant STD epidemic 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 10/10/2026As of 2002, I have only followed the medical advice of paraprofessional fireworks merchants. Particularly if they operate out the back of a donkey driven cart made of sticks. 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 10/10/2026Legal blood doping, sure to 100% work! Step 1: obtain a boner for at LEAST 30 min Step 2: cease edging and begin an endurance exercise of your choice! Step 3: whenever boner deflates cease exercise and begin edging That's it, you now have 400% blood 010
Reposted by Amitungus_AmongusCAKE @thebandcake.bsky.social · 02/10/2026The congressional switchboard number is (202) 224-3121. Put it in your cell phone. Use it. If you're not calling at least once a week, you're not doing your part. 14033421588
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 02/10/2026🎶Doctor doctor, give me the news, I’ve got a full case of Mountain Dew 🎶 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Calling someone who’s sick daddies little snotchamp does NOT in fact, make them feel better 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 28/09/2026🎶Cut my cheese into pieces, This is my last Brie tart Mastication, no breathing Don’t give a heck if I cut my ham eating 🎶 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 26/09/2026If you’re ever feeling down, just remember what George W Bush once said: “you’ll cum when I say you’ll cum” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Candle lit dinner: *both eating quietly, but a song brewing in my heart* 🎶I wanna know, have you ever seen the t pain? Comin' down on a sunny day 🎶 aaaaaahhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH The date is over 000
Reposted by Amitungus_AmongusAbdul El-Sayed @abdulelsayed.bsky.social · 25/09/2026If a politician takes money from weapons manufacturers, don't be surprised when they back weapons contracts. If a politician takes money from Big Pharma, don't be surprised when they try to stop guaranteed healthcare. That's why I don't take ANY corporate money. None. 299169804986
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Beatbox plays Don’t Stop Believing Me, never actually having read the lyrics: “jumy smaht own girl, niminim a lone leeward” My son, pupating on the lawn: “dad, this isn’t the right house” Me, startled, turn, losing balance on the wet grass “ah piss” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 23/09/2026New profile pic done by the epically talented @Kai_FishGuy over on x.com!! 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 21/09/2026“Legolas, I feel like you’re just here for the zip line” *Legolas looks confused* “You even got into an argument with Sam from adventure 365, who runs the zip line” Sam: “he pulls on the rope, he wrenches on the rope” Legolas ”shut up Sam!” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 20/09/2026*dramatic music* “Sure I know a Baggins. He's over there, Froyo Baggins!” *close up on poor froyo, flavorful, delicious yet refreshing* “He's my second cousin, once removed on his mother's side” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Me: “What about edging?” Aragorn: “You’ve already done it?” Me: “We’ve gooned yes, but what about second edging? Surfing? Sunset peaking? Afternoon yoinking? Curb flossing? What about those?” *Dildo flies in from the bushes striking me in the face* 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Does anyone know whether the reason I’m getting ads for prep is because I googled skaven futa on r34? 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Shouting “That’s what good pussy sounds like” while I ram my car through the wall of the doctors office 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Me, duct taped to the airplane seat: Everyone STFU THEY DISCOVERED A NEW CAT REMAIN CALM! www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/arti...nationalgeographic.comMeet the First New Cat Species Discovered in 100 YearsA small, spotted tiger cat from Bolivia may just be the beginning of a wave of new small cat species. 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Elrond yelling at me: “Cast it into the fire!” Me: “What?” Elrond: “It’s the only way!” Me: “I can’t hear you big E but check out this sick drip” [drops ring on ground] “ah shit” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Who up danking their tide? youtu.be/YCj8COZ9RDY?...youtu.beWarhammer 40,000: Darktide - Depths of the Damned Update | Reveal TrailerYouTube video by Fatshark 010
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 15/09/2026“And honestly, can you imagine if hoobastank was a K-pop band today? What would their fans be called, the hoobastinkies?” The three people in the air port: “Their fans are named ‘grownups’ do some research before you speak.” “Ah sorry, I’m sorry” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 14/09/2026[Disneys hunchback of notre dame comes on] Where is the mustard and where is the hammm? With the bells of Noter Damn🎶 [recorder trails off] Me turning up the volume “What a classic” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 14/09/2026[works up the courage to walk up to the cool kids on the street corner] “fellow churls, how about those…uh…um…shit” [embarrassed, lights halo energy sword before slipping off the curb into oncoming traffic] 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Ichabod Crane walking home, hears hoof steps behind him , turns around “Ok so no head?” *slams hat on ground, stomps on his nerd pencil case* 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Her: “Why are you wearing a submarine captains outfit?” Me, unzipping pants to a Soviet Russian choir: “I’ve heard you’ve lost another submarine” Her: “What are you talking about?” Me, frantic, zipper stuck while my hat falls off: “Please, not again” 000
Reposted by Amitungus_AmongusLaur Bagley @laur-rants.bsky.social · 09/09/2026R A V E N O U S 43110893569
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Stethen ‘butt lips’ Vimmers: “Pfbbbt pfbbt thippfbbt” Me, writing down his order: “ummm, uhh, fuck man I can’t understand you butt lips, you know I’m not good at this.” Stethen: *dies from an allergic reaction* 000
Reposted by Amitungus_Amongus🦀 YORA 🦀 @yoracrab.bsky.social · 08/09/2026courage the cowardly dog 220283077809
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Me: “This is the 67th day I’ve formally requested a muppets cover of WAP” Universal Employee: “And this is the 67th time I’ve told you, universal doesn’t own that IP. That’s the park across the stree-“ Me: “They already kicked me out Jeremy pay attention” 001
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Sonic the hedgehog ”Thanks for the chili dogs Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean. You didn’t have to come out so late at night!” Davy J: “What’s the matter? Afraid to get wet?” *wet kissing* Me, turning off the computer: “my therapist was right” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 06/09/2026*zoom in on cybertron water park* *Megatron shoots out of water slide, bikini top completely off and bikini bottoms somehow reversed* Megatron *covering chest with his arms*: “Idiots, fools, look away” 000
Reposted by Amitungus_AmongusSusanbeth5781 @susanpatrick1.bsky.social · 04/09/2026👇👇Believe us when we speak, damn it. 641466783
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Them: “So you realized you were a furry from watching Disney? Let me guess, Gadget? Roxanne? Me: “The female squirrel from sword in the stone.” Them: “What? Thats just a squirrel right?” Me, tears in my eyes: “There was never a more tragic love story” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Me, touching the circumcision scar on the dildo: “When cruelty becomes normal, compassion looks radical” The ups driver, tears clearly in their eyes: “ma’am please just sign here” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 05/09/2026*turning my fan to a higher setting while Living in actual hell* “And this is what it means to go fur-“ *fan starts screaming and smoking* “-ther beyondOHFUCK” 000
Reposted by Amitungus_Amonguspissed-off-g.bsky.social @pissed-off-g.bsky.social · 04/09/2026This guy needs to go ASAP... 1237111414332
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Me: “Which switch is it?” Astarion: “I think it’s this one?” *hotel room remains dark* Me: “Fuck” Narrator “For they were both of them deceived, for another switch was installed. A master switch, one with the power to command all othe-“ Astarion: *trips and falls* Narrator: “Did you trip?” 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Me: *Enjoying the free Al dente pasta in the Olive Garden lobby” Chud employee: “sir you shouldn’t eat those they’re decorative” Me: *mouth bleeding full of delicious affordable cuisine* “TONY SOPRANO DIDNT DIE FOR YOU TO DENY ME MY RIGHTS” *Cuts to black* 000
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Friend: “You guys ever watch Reacher?” Me: “itnt that the guy that punches a car window and says ‘your moms excited to see you’ or some shi?” Friend: “Yes?” Me: *stares into the distance “I don’t know why I asked the answers no either way” 000
Reposted by Amitungus_Amongusamerica.is.not.free @antifapatriot.bsky.social · 03/09/2026🤦🤦♀️🥴 #vaccines #healthcare #science #vaccinessavelives #vaccineswork 58159323170
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Ahnold: “CMON! DO IT! KISS ME!” Predator: *confused yet intrigued* My dad: *fumbling the remote* “I don’t remember it playing out like this…but it is a classic” TV: *wet slurping noises and Ahnold breathing* Dad: “maybe…just a sec son” 000
Reposted by Amitungus_AmongusGary Rogers 🇺🇲🇨🇦🇺🇦⚛️🎨🖌️ @garyrogersartist.bsky.social · 01/09/2026This would explain the hatred of Mail in ballots.... 59284213612
Amitungus_Amongus @acursedmushroom.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Rap battle Guy walks out - “🎶 Onomatopoeia Baby’s diarrhea 🎶 🎶I’ve got gonorrhea” Commentator who’s nervous but wants to feel like they’re participating “Bold move, let’s see where it goes” 000
