iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

I'm just scared to be alone again. I'm deathly scared that no one wants me. I'm scared of being used and discarded and the butt of jokes and never getting over these dumb untrue nightmares. Weh.

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The Internet, for all it's wonder, allows this scar to really itch sometimes with how it lets me see so many people and not be able to be in everything with everyone. I know I can't be everywhere and only have so much time, but it still gets to me when I'm not in things, no matter how unrealistic.

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I don't know how to heal this wound. I don't think it ever will. It triggers a deep anxiety in me sometimes when I see friends doing anything that gives me FOMO because when I'm not included it scares me that this is the start of being discarded again.

Even though I know most of this is not real, nightmares like this that exaggerate the selfish, controlling, isolating, manipulative qualities of people are still able to scare me into a cold sweat because I lived that. I lived having no one. I lived being passed up and discarded.

I couldn't ever shake deep down that I have to bend over backwards for everyone else to even get the time of day, and that no one wants the actual me. Even now when I know that isn't the case, those scars won't heal, and still hurt me.

I guess I really do deep down I just want to be wanted and the horrid childhood I had where no other kid wanted me around no matter what I did has never truly healed. No matter what I do I can't ever seem to shake that feeling that I can't be myself around people because no one wants that.

We love waking up from nightmares where everyone around gives you the cold shoulder, excludes you from everything while simultaneously making it very clear that every clique does not want you around, no matter how much I tried to be friends with people.

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2chaotic @2chaotic.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

....I need to stop being comfortable and challenge myself more somehow

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Going live on Twitch with a return to Terraria Tuesday, still flailing around on that first playthrough. Forecast is a clear evening with a high likelihood of screaming and flailing. Streamtime funtime! With @milobuppoart.bsky.social www.twitch.tv/toochaotic

twitch.tv

toochaotic - Twitch

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2chaotic @2chaotic.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Struggling today. How I long for a news feed that isn't constant doom despite how much I try to curate it.

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Reposted by 2chaotic

Basil 🌱 @basil-mage.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Survives somehow

drawing of a puppy with the caption; "I have survived everything I thought I wouldn't and I'll survive this too"

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Reposted by 2chaotic

Dingoroo @dingoroo.net · 14/09/2026

…what they’re saying is probably making sense Audio: Rockwell Retro Encabulator Wuff - @luckycoy0te.bsky.social

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2chaotic @2chaotic.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

I need more dommy looners in my life~

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2chaotic @2chaotic.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Going live on Twitch with more Star Wars Zero Company! Let's make some even worse tactical decisions and be a menace to the galaxy like only a good manic raccoon can! Streamtime funtime! www.twitch.tv/toochaotic

twitch.tv

toochaotic - Live on Twitch

Bubble Company | @toochaotic [Digiraccoon|18+] | Streaming star wars zero company.

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Reposted by 2chaotic

Strike @sideoflemonade.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

CW// #inflation Another backlog animation.. this time for @2chaotic.bsky.social ! This happens daily with him, believe it or not.

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Becoming more balloon than person~

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Eternally stuck in a slowly growing balloon bundle till drifting away...

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<\\\\\<; trapped in the bundle unable to see out as they push in...

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Is it so much to ask to be crowded with enough helium balloons that I have to push and struggle to see anything beyond shiny latex...

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A raised baseline might as well be a skip in your step in my books. I feel like I've been unleashed and if this is day three, I will have been given too much power by week 5.

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The irony is not lost on me as it forces air in x3 But damm, normally my Adderall and caffeine have to kick in for me to feel this alert.

I know the 'threshold' medically is over 5 apneas an hour, but if this improvement in my mornings continue, then fuck the diagnosis, I've needed this half my life...

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