The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 10/11/2024Well we did it. We caught the car. Hooray. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 28/09/2024Busy week for the Zeal Corporation, unfortunately unsuccessful in our attempt to seed Hurricane Helene with alligators. Completely unrelated, would anyone like to buy four hundred slightly annoyed alligators. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 17/09/2024The Zeal Corporation demands more people use Bluesky so this number becomes more impressive. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 16/09/2024The Zeal Corporation would like to issue a formal apology to Elon Musk for the supbar quality of the yes-men we've been leasing to him. We would apologize on Twitter, but that site sucks. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 11/09/2024Having a concept of a plan is what we tell our shareholders every time one asks why we haven't destroyed mankind yet. 011 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 09/09/2024Your American tyrant Trump now leads again in national polling, we delight in seeing how determined mankind is to destroy itself and do so with a smile. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 08/09/2024The Zeal Corporation has recently been made aware that some of you have a hobby of disparaging antivenom while handling deadly snakes and let us just say; top notch work. No notes, except enthusiastic encouragement. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 04/09/2024Remember, Trump is already past the average life expectancy for men in the United States. If he wins and then dies, JD Vance becomes President of the United States. 011 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 01/09/2024To all Brazilians joining Bluesky; the Zeal Corporation respects your nation's enthusiastic celebrations of life in the face of your nation's overwhelming danger of death. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 26/08/2024The Zeal Corporation embraces the idea of eating the rich. And once they've been eaten, eat the people who were next richest after them. Then keep going down that line. In fact, just start eating people. We'll tell you when to stop. 011 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 21/08/2024Science Bluesky, how many seagulls would, hypothetically, need to be tethered to the moon to pull it into the Earth. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 20/08/2024Utterly disingenuous of Joe Biden to state that Donald Trump never built anything, as if criminal empires just fall out of a coconut tree. 021 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 18/08/2024The great thing about the United States is a normal, qualified candidate stepped in and seized all the momentum against someone criminally unqualified and the election is still essentially a coin flip because most of you Americans would rather someone else get hurt than you get help. 021 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 17/08/2024The Zeal Corporation sees many of your felines on Bluesky. This is our office cat, sitting in perpetual judgment of your faults. 021 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 14/08/2024Piss everyone off by naming a thing you have no interest in: The continued survival of mankind 100 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 13/08/2024The Zeal Corporation urges every American to check and see if reproductive rights are on the ballot in your state this November. Remember our official stance: No one has a right to reproduce, ever. 020 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 13/08/2024The idea that a man of such steadfast defiance and bravery as Elon Musk would sabotage the Trump interview simply because the EU told him they would pound his shit in if he personally spread disinformation is ridiculous. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 13/08/2024Massive DDOS attacks don't just fall out of a coconut tree. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 12/08/2024The Harris campaign can try to hide it, but all of American politics has been AI for the last decade. Large language models have been running the government since 2015. If you go to the Capitol building in real life it's a Spirit Halloween. 020 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 11/08/2024The Zeal Corporation continues to produce Disney's live action ventures, we got the idea from Doctor Forrester on Mystery Science Theater 3000. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 11/08/2024Look, the Trump campaign has training videos for all its members on implementing Project 2025 so they'll know how NOT to do it. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 10/08/2024The Zeal Corporation has seen the Vance dossier, and wants to preemptively state let he whom has never paid for Japanese ball torture while dressed as a dolphin and singing the theme from Flipper cast the first stone. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 08/08/2024"Don't try this at home" warnings are simply encouraging you to do it at someone else's house. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 08/08/2024The Zeal Corporation's top team of Behavionomers have analyzed Tim Walz and determined he has the characteristics of a person raised as a child by Mr. Rogers and brought into middle age by Hank Hill. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 08/08/2024So what are your alls blood types, no reason. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 06/08/2024The Zeal Corporation once offered Tim Walz a lucrative position helping us predict hot spots for potential genocide and he turned us down because he wanted to coach football or something. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 03/08/2024Shut the hell up about Pokémon Go ... to the polls. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 29/07/2024The Zeal Corporation knows the importance of human testing in pharmaceuticals. That's why our hard-working Pharmers skip animal testing and go straight to injecting live people with our home-grown drugs. All our needles have been in someone else's veins; That's a Zeal Corporation promise. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 29/07/2024There are new breakthroughs in Alzheimers research, denying people the chance to forget about how awful their lives were before death. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 29/07/2024The jockeys make these events lackluster. Let the horses just do their thing. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 29/07/2024Our Olympic observation team wasn't giving us anything to work with on these horse events until that guy almost died in cross country just now, 10s across the board. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 27/07/2024Are the summer Olympics the one with the horse dance event 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 26/07/2024The Zeal Corporation is always actively watching the Olympics, keeping an eye out for runners-up who become jealous and embittered and may be open to pursuing revenge against their nation and others as a career. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 26/07/2024The Zeal Corporation manufacturers culture wars in video games. Every time our monitors detect there are too many gamers we have some website print an article like "Jak Shits All Over Ratchet" and within a week dozens of people are dead. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 26/07/2024The Zeal Corporation is pledging our crack team of Personanalysts to help Peter Thiel understand why his feckless, off-putting, chair-filling, couch-fucking finance bro who openly hates single women and poor people protégé isn't clicking, and we won't stop until we have answers. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 25/07/2024In following with recent Ohio rulings, the Zeal Corporation is proud to offer our fast food partners a new line of rat poisonless wings. 011 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 25/07/2024Usha: "I'm so mad at you! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!" JD Vance:media.tenor.comShocked Surprised GIFALT: Shocked Surprised GIF 020 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 25/07/2024"I couldn't resist. I pulled out of the cushion just enough to pour an entire can of Diet Mountain Dew all over my throbbing member, the ridged pattern of the upholstery already etched in. "Now it's racist too, somehow," I said, even more turned on." - Excerpt from Hillbilly Elegy 2: Appalchaisea 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 24/07/2024The Zeal Corporation admires the bravery Benjamin Netanyahu demonstrated today by going in front of a friendly audience to make his bold case for genocide and apartheid so as to remain in power and continue avoiding consequences for his many crimes, truly a leader for our times. 011 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 24/07/2024The Zeal Corporation was behind Humble Games firing their entire staff and we made it happen because Bethesda unionized. Making a terrible thing happen for every good thing that happens is but one of our affordable service lines, and the gaming industry one of our most reliable customers. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 23/07/2024The Zeal Corporation has had enough of isekai protagonists. We want a story from the point of view of the truck that kills them. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 23/07/2024The Zeal Corporation wants to assure everyone that the American Republican Party is still the party of the poor working class, even though their Vice Presidential candidate wrote an entire book about how much he hates them. 020 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 22/07/2024Whoever keeps running by the Zeal Corporation offices shouting "skee wee," you're lucky the police refuse to answer our phone calls. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 22/07/2024The Zeal Corporation is searching for talking points right wing news can run with tomorrow - which do people prefer; "Does nominating a former prosecutor send a bad message to the Black community?" Or "is the Democratic party alienating racists?" 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 20/07/2024The Zeal Corporation's entire network was down today. Our IT guy told us it was because of "Crowdstrike" but we haven't struck any crowds all week. 031 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 18/07/2024The Zeal Corporation has recently received orders for some mass freight train cars and a surprising amount of barbed wire, plus what seems like parts for furnaces? All from the same source. Not sure why but our job isn't to question, it's to deliver. Anyway, back to the RNC. 010 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 17/07/2024Now that the Beast has recovered from its head wound, the Zeal Corporation looks forward to it being given power to continue its blasphemies for forty and two months. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 28/03/2024The Zeal Corporation mourns the loss of former board member Joe Lieberman. We hope more people can learn to live through his motto; "do the worst things for the pettiest reasons at every given opportunity." A great man who will be missed. 000 0
The Zeal Corporation @zealceo.bsky.social · 20/03/2024The Zeal Corporation freely admits we have done all the RICO, more RICO than perhaps any other organization currently operating. Not only Rico Suave, but also Rico Love, Rico from WWE, and Ricola are just the beginning of the list. 000 0
