Reposted by Zak ToscaniZak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 09/08/2026Portland! Don’t miss your chance of seeing standup comedy on a private street car. Tickets sold out quick last year 162
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 13/08/2026Wife told me she wants to reboot our marriage with an all female cast 040
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 09/08/2026Portland! Don’t miss your chance of seeing standup comedy on a private street car. Tickets sold out quick last year 162
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 24/06/2026If you live in Toronto or know anyone who does - send them to my show at the Comedy Bar this Saturday 000
Reposted by Zak ToscaniTurner @turnerhawkins.bsky.social · 17/06/2026been working on this one for a while, excited to have @zaktoscani.bsky.social back in Louisville in August (please come so my work feels like this is a success and we can do more of it please!!!) 021
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 11/06/2026I always feel like Cyrano de Bergerac when I’m in the passenger seat communicating my fast food order through the driver 0101
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 31/12/2025I want a human made painting of a kfc / Taco Bell combo with the Lincoln quote about a house divided cannot stand 080
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 26/12/2025Being able to sleep on any plane is my superpower, it’s coach level time travel 050
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 24/12/2025PORTLAND! Only 15 tickets left for the late show - escape your family, bring some booze, and have some laughs 030
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 04/12/20251 ticket left for the early show, plenty left for the late show - www.zaktoscani.com/public-events 020
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 01/12/2025My hell is not knowing how to roller skate good but constantly hearing songs and thinking “I bet this would be fun as hell to glide to” Glide is my best guess as to insider terminology 040
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 25/11/2025hearing folks sprinting through the airport yelling “sorry! Our flight boards in 10min” like that doesn’t mean you got 45min to get there 040
Reposted by Zak ToscaniZak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 20/11/2025Early show is sold out but still tickets to the late show at Commonwealth Comedy Club - Cincinnati / Northern KY 052
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 20/11/2025Early show is sold out but still tickets to the late show at Commonwealth Comedy Club - Cincinnati / Northern KY 052
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 19/11/2025Turkeys really get victim blamed during Thanksgiving. We eat the motherfucker and then blame being tired on a chemical in their meat. Instead of the fact that we just ate a plate that’s just a meat +12 061
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 14/11/2025Please tell me there’s a white jazz guy named Anglo Sax’in 0150
Reposted by Zak ToscaniZak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 13/11/2025A little joke about a coffee shop order gone wrong 0132
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 13/11/2025I need a life oversight committee bs last night I paired some leftover Chinese food with Synder’s of Hanover pretzels 150
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 13/11/2025A little joke about a coffee shop order gone wrong 0132
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 13/11/2025Random House has rejected my book proposal of an agnostic retelling of Judy Blume’s fantastic novel retitled as “To Whom It May Concern, It’s Me, Margaret” And by Random House, I mean I just knocked on an absolute strangers door and pitched it 1100
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 11/11/2025It’s gonna be a fucking blast - you won’t wanna miss it 030
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 10/11/2025Frozen pizzas are blank canvases you should use to paint your masterpiece 070
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 07/11/2025For as dramatic as coconuts are you’d really expect them to taste better 070
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 07/11/2025So this is how you use AI, eh? *dumps a bottle of water on a laptop* 050
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 06/11/2025favorite dinner experience is a seafood boil, they dump out your food from a plastic bag, you get to eat like a respectable raccoon casually digging through the oceans most delicious trash 071
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 06/11/2025YouTube is serving me up lots of titles like “boring history facts to help you sleep” and “dull Greek myths for sleeping” that’s just college. I paid $65,000 for that 050
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 29/10/2025Laws: don’t you look at your phone while driving Car companies: yeah! Instead look at this bigger screen we put further away from you Google maps: also answer a series of questions about the road your currently driving on 191
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 26/10/2025Portland! Doing a holiday leftovers show at Framework on 12/27 - sketches, standup, and it’s BYOB! Get them tickets 040
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 22/10/2025ordered Fogo de Chao on postmates and now there’s 25 Brazilian people outside my door holding skewers of meat 0111
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 22/10/2025“oysters biting today?” - me to a group of men fishing in Charleston 010
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 22/10/2025Did they ever think to have a Batman villain named Badman? Could be a good foil just on account of all the confusion 0122
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 06/10/2025Toscani Family Reunion hats are available online for the next 24hrs! DM me. Both color ways are adjustable. Signature by my mom, designed by a professional forger, and embroidered and brought to life by @trillblazin.bsky.social All hats will be shipped out this week. Welcome to the family. 040
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 24/09/2025You know times are tough when you’re boiling your kids pasta art 080
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 26/08/2025I love technology. I love that I have to download an app to use my lightbulbs. I love having to log in every time I open the app. I love that the app had a data breach and my information was leaked. I love that a hacker has access to my mood lighting 0213
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 18/08/202590 day fiancé but it’s just adult men trying to lock in a new best friend 040
Zak Toscani @zaktoscani.bsky.social · 18/08/2025Started mixing frozen grapes with hot tamales and I can tell I’m flying too close to the sun 180
