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Zack Bornstein

@zackbornstein.bsky.social
75K followers 348 following 176 posts

Emmy-losing Writer/Director (#Shrinking, @nbcSNL, @Netflix, @Hulu, @Dreamworks, @JimmyKimmelLive, #StrangePlanet, @NewYorker)

PostsRepliesMedia
Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
not to get political, but America is real pretty and has a lot of nice folks making cool things, and i think if we had a president who wasn’t actively trying to murder us, we could have a pretty good time
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
Trump is gonna get boo’d tonight at the Knicks game for like 10 minutes straight like a standing ovation at Cannes
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
My favorite Trump brag is when he aces yet another cognitive test that they only give people just before they go into hospice
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
You know you’re a 90s kid if you remember when the U.S. government would at least make up a fake reason to attack the Middle East
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 30/01/2026
Not to get political, but America is very pretty and has a lot of nice folks making cool things, and I think if we had a president who wasn’t actively trying to murder us, we could have a pretty good time
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 30/01/2026
Not to get all high and mighty, but if I had my own masked Gestapo army executing nurses in the streets, id ask them to please stop
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
The 5 elements if I was Captain Planet:
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
Happy anniversary to the last time a Republican actually took a stand
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
Going to the gym at work Pros: -Convenient -Saves money -Built in consistency -Can shower there -Spot friends -Rarely crowded Cons -Once a quarter your boss sees your penis
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Things JD Vance Has Stuck His Member In
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
Can I sue Gillette for letting me do this?
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
Midsommar / Midwintar
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 11/12/2025
Apparently it takes 4 years to stop looking like non binary Pablo Escobar
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 28/11/2025
POV: You’re about to be asked the worst 3 riddles you’ve ever heard to cross this bridge
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 28/11/2025
Happy Spider-Man Rimming Uncle Sam Day to all who celebrate
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 27/11/2025
Safe topics for your family Thanksgiving: -Hamas -Everyone’s weight, net worth -Lives that matter -Only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun -Who AI will replace first -Who controls a woman’s body -Sydney Sweeney ads -Best ethnicity -The Jews, general or specific -Trump hot?
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 25/11/2025
BREAKING: Trump pardons turkey who appeared 28 times on Epstein flight logs
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 24/11/2025
this is killing me, why would they choose a model who looks so deeply scared and uncomfortable
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
When you’re crushing so hard you start dressing like them
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
Whoever finds a way to put 30g of protein in a cigarette will become the first trillionaire
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
why does everyone keep saying I have sad eyes
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 18/11/2025
just realized my cats probably think I spend 10 hours a day in the garage
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
It’s truly bananas we’re expected to go about our lives eating lunch and putting on pants like the President isn’t a well documented child sex predator who was best friends with the king of child sex predators
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 15/11/2025
CNN: Trump in Epstein files NBC: Trump in Epstein files ABC: Trump in Epstein files FOX:
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
Democrats with no leverage: Give in to GOP Democrats with all the leverage, social mandate, moral authority, clear achievable win in sight: Give in to GOP
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 08/11/2025
I don’t understand why Trump’s approval rating is finally slipping when he’s building a golden ballroom at his house while actively stopping 42 million Americans from getting food stamps, 40% of whom are children
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 06/11/2025
I don’t understand how Trump lost so much ground from a year ago after spending every single day making people’s lives hell while raking in $3 billion in Qatari bribes through his crypto coin
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 02/11/2025
If 3 people in a row don’t pick up your call it’s because everyone you’ve ever met is in a room together voting on your greatest flaw
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
I don’t understand why dating is so hard, all I’m looking for is a new best friend from scratch who I’m willing to die for that must get along with all my family and friends and have comparable ambition and identical values and wild sexual chemistry with me and no else forever
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 29/10/2025
At the end of the day, we are all Americans. Sure, we have differences on policy. One side wants to give everyone healthcare and good wages. The other wants to create a white Christian ethnostate where the president can legally assassinate anyone at will. But we are not enemies.
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 24/10/2025
ah yes another beautiful morning, time to decide if I want to be informed and frozen in panic, or willfully ignorant with a numbing background dread
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 17/10/2025
Not gonna lie toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 27/09/2025
Hot girl summer is over. It’s divorce lawyer fall.
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 24/09/2025
me before and after seeing a tasty looking pie being sliced up
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 22/09/2025
love to fit into this world
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 18/09/2025
if only there was some kind of amendment that could prevent this from happening. pretty important stuff too, id prolly put it first
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 17/09/2025
Emmys 8 years apart
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
dirty mirror, dead inside, can’t lose
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
There is a fly with me on this international flight, little bro has no idea how different his life is about to be
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 13/09/2025
…just got the finger from a Waymo
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 12/09/2025
I’d rather pay double than say that
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 09/09/2025
Trump 2024: I will be the President of peace. Trump 2025: THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE HAVE DEFEATED CHICAGO
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 07/09/2025
When friends ask me to dinner after 9pm
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 05/09/2025
I’m a guy who believes more children should have measles for no reason, and I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to finally feel represented by my government
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 05/09/2025
who would’ve guessed that the guy whose brain has been eaten by a worm would be bad a managing our health system
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 04/09/2025
I should have been more upfront: I am MLB two-way all star Shohei Ohtani
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 19/08/2025
To optimize good sleep before bed: -Take a hot bath -Get blackout curtains -Watch 200 4-second videos 3 inches from your face -Practice deep breathing
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 16/08/2025
0-4🍹 vs. 5🍹 vs. 6+🍹
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Zack Bornstein @zackbornstein.bsky.social · 04/08/2025
It’s insane to think Covid was 15 years ago today
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