iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

there’s a melancholy that exists in the deepest pit of my soul, and many days i cannot escape it.

inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

oftentimes when i speak, i can feel the thunder of my fathers tone and the snap of my mothers voice — both combined. to rid myself of that imprint feels impossible… i am reminded that i am, above all else, a daughter.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

i have never known a love so gentle. so soft. you are the most precious thing i have ever had the pleasure of touching. i’m so used to bearing my teeth, bracing myself for pain; you quiet something in me. you ground me. you heal me. you rescued me from the darkest parts of myself.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

the only time i can find comfort is in my dreams; at least there, you are with me.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

wed., sept. 9th — 1:51pm my thoughts are clouded with anxiousness again. a sadness is erupting from deep within me — i can feel it simmering in my chest. i don’t know who i am when i’m alone with myself. i’m a stranger in my own body.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

the grief comes in waves. i daydream of you, simply seeing your face. your eyes — alive and smiling. why you? why me? i ache in knowing i will never feel your hand in mine again. my childhood went with you. i will never feel that blissful innocence again.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

sun., aug. 16th — 12:59am no matter how sunny the days are, that grey cloud forever looms over my shoulder, making impact at my most vulnerable hour. why am i the way that i am? what god have i forsaken that has crippled me so? i just want to believe i am good. i am worthy. i am enough. i want.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

there once was a clawing at my esophagus; the booming of love deep inside of me, begging to be released. and then there was you. the only ache i feel now is the absence of your hand in mine because of the hundred miles between us. i carry these scars, but forever with you has healed me.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

i’ve forgotten what loneliness feels like because of you. even in silence, there is a comforting hum in my mind.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

wed., aug. 5th — 1:55am who was i before this love? all the nights spent in grief and tears, wondering if it were possible to be loved as wholly as i love. as devoted as i am. as intense, feral, beautiful, and raw as i am. in my dreams, your very blood runs through my veins. i’m at peace, at last.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

her warmth is more comforting than the sun itself, and i’ll forever be safe from the coldness of my own mind.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

i’ve been writing my eulogy for years; now i write of you and your sweetness as poetry.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

mon., aug. 3rd — 7:56pm you’re hundred of miles away from me, we’ve never touched, yet i can feel the ghost of your hands caressing my face; as if i were the most delicate thing you’ve ever held. we’ve met through many moons, eyes connecting with a knowing gaze that we were meant for one another.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 01/08/2026

suddenly, every color on earth became brighter overnight. my body is overcome with a serene, weightless calm. i was preparing to live this entire life in a motionless spiral, and yet, here i am. awake. aware. you were my dream. you are my dream.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

and there you were, all along. oh, how blind i’ve been. here, beauty stands before me. the wool had been pulled over my eyes, but i see now. my girl, my girl, my girl.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

tues., july 28th — 5:13pm who am i when you strip away the yearning for love? what have i become, if anything at all? i wonder — when did it begin to spiral downward? i thought i knew what i wanted, but for years i have sat in this empty box. when did i become so uncomfortable with discomfort?

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

my love erupts deeply in my abdomen, bursting at the seams, and yet i cannot bear the consequences of speaking them aloud. you and i exist only in my mind, and there we are safe. there, there are no doubts, no guessing, no uncertainty.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 26/07/2026

i can’t find the words, even though they’re swirling in my mind like a tidal wave. each day, i become more and more of a shell. perhaps i'm not disappearing. perhaps this is my hibernation period. surely i will heal. surely…

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

i see you in my dreams — my punishment for loving you so deeply, i think. a siren song.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

wed., june 22nd — 9:17pm seven deadly sins brew inside of me. i see them every time i look in a mirror. why can't i rid myself of this disgust? this... intensity? this pain that courses through every vein, second-guessing every movement i make. i want to believe i am good. i want to believe.

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Reposted by inner monologue ⏾

em @bestofaloy.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

i’m sure there are others that have felt this way before (or still do), so i’d like to share where my heart and mind have been for… longer than i’d like to admit. i love you all, i’m sorry i haven’t been around much. it’s… hard. ❤️‍🩹 thank you for reading. (alt text available)

Directionless.

Ever since I was a young teen, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. For me, it was set in stone—no doubts, no plan B. This was my destiny.
Several years have passed now, and here I stand in a purgatory of uncertainty, fear, and numbness.
Life happens. Illness strikes. A parent dies; another is crippled. All drive and focus are torn from my hands, and my eyes are glazed with fog, unable to see the future I so desperately clung to for all those years. The excitement of being a young prodigy is gone now. I grow older, though I'm not sure I'm any wiser. Most days, I am still my fourteen-year-old self, clawing at my insides, searching for some sort of motivation. Some sort of idea.
Now, I am a grown child, staring at the vastness of this world, with no rule left to stop me from choosing what I'd like to do next... and yet, I feel jailed. Stuck. Powerless—more than I truly was as a teen.
How do I move forward? It's a question I ask myself every day and every night as I sit in my room, staring blankly at the walls I have spent my life knowing.
I was supposed to be gone from this place by now, living somewhere new, thriving, knowing what to do. My subconscious mocks me now, staring back at me in the mirror, asking when I became so disoriented. So flat.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Or maybe that's the hardest part.
I used to.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

my brain is poison, and i am haunted by the belief that i will never know who i truly am. something inside me began to rot long before i noticed the smell.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

sun., july 19th — 4:31am i am too much, yet not enough.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

my nail beds bleed from clinging relentlessly to all that i have ever loved.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

it was never going to be me, and that truth will outlive me.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

there is no finish line, because there was never a beginning. there is no sobbing confession that will ever arrive. my heart reaches for a wound that was never allowed to happen. i will forever mourn what could've been. what i envisioned so clearly—it must've been real. i am a wounded dog.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

thurs., july 16th — 3:19am these days, i only exist in my fantasies. longing to dream when i sleep, because it's the only place where i feel i belong. i wake to a body that carries a life my soul has yet to touch. i can't help but wonder if any of it was ever meant to become real.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

when i am rotting flesh and bones, the overwhelming love i feel for you will linger there — long after eternity.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

tues., july 14th — 3:31pm my confessions claw at my throat, begging to be freed. in my head, i’m spiraling; on the outside, i am a blank canvas — unable to be read. but, god, how i wish someone would see past this mask.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

i feel such disgust with myself for loving so deeply. it’s too much. i am too much, even for me.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

there is a constant ache in my stomach, knowing that i will never be loved and desired in the way that i love and desire.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

chronically daydreaming, again and again.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

i wish to exist softly, as i am, without performance.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

sun., july 12th — 2:12pm lately i’ve felt comatose, as though i’m sitting in my own purgatory. a creation of my own. my eyes are heavy most of the time, and no amount of rest relieves them. my existence feels like a haunting of something that could’ve been… could it still be?

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

i have so much to say, yet i can’t form the words.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

i think touching you would bind me to you forever— perhaps even into eternity.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

fri., july 10th — 3:24am rain pelting against the window as the night embraces me, and i’ve found a moment of peace. when i close my eyes, there you are. your smile, your laugh, your gentleness. you are my kryptonite.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 08/07/2026

i can still remember just the way you taste.

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inner monologue ⏾ @yearnfulthoughts.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

existence was never meant to be a challenge, a score-board.

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